Wilted Seaweed

Wilted Seaweed Dec 2013

I become so awkward in love
I feel that I'm all wrong.
We look deep into each others eyes
I flick mine away after only a moment
I feel that if you look too close
You'll see my untrimmed brows or my red-dotted face.
You'll see the weakness in my eyes
The lies and terror I have lived.
You touch my waist or my arm
I like the way it feels
For only a second
Then I remember I'm not stick thin
And the bumps on my arms that I pick at when I'm nervous.
I want to kiss you so badly
Until I realize I'm inexperienced
And when you touch me I feel out of place
So you wouldn't want to kiss me.
Because in a world where I'm not good enough
Smart enough
Pretty enough
Short enough
Feminine enough
Nice enough
All I am is awkward.
Because I don't know how to be loved
And why would you want to try and love something as awkward as me?

Wilted Seaweed Dec 2013

I'm ready to jump.

You want me to jump
And I know that you'll catch me
I'm just so scared of the fall.
So I'll hesitate
For so long now
My toes are on the edge
I feel the wind
Here I go.
What gets me past the fright of falling
I know I'm landing in your arms
Just never let me go.

Wilted Seaweed Dec 2013

Sherlock needs Watson.

Every Sherlock needs a Watson.
So if I'm Sherlock you can be my Watson
If I'm the Doctor you can be my companion
If I'm team free will you can be the Impala
If I'm the night sky you can be the stars
If I'm winter you can be the snow
If I'm a lazy Sunday then you can be a cup of tea
I'm a drummer and you can be my beat
I'm an artist and you can be my paper
I'm a chef and you can be my knife
I'm a writer and you can be my inspiration
well you are
because I'm writing this for you
though you'll never get to read it
I'm just Sherlock
and I'm lonely
Because I need my Watson.

Wilted Seaweed Dec 2013

Out of the blue

You're stuck
Waiting on this girl who cant decide.
She gives you mixed signals
Because she displays the signals inside.
Her heart tells her one thing
But her mind says another
She loves you
And you know that
But she cant decide how much.
She wants to hold your hand
And sometimes she'll look at you
With this look
You dont know
She wants you to kiss her
She knows you want to,
You've told her.
But she hasn't told you.
She plays off hard to get
Because she wont give you the okay
She just needs you to kiss her
Out of the blue.
She likes the same bands as you
The same hobbies and obsessions
The same love for food and music and art
Your hearts and minds
They scream at the both of you
she tunes out her heart
And listens to her mind
As you tune out your mind
And listen to your heart
You ask her
Over and over
If she'll be your girl
She always says no
Her heart says yes
So just kiss her
So her heart will drown out her mind
Because her mind only confuses her.
Her own emotions are her worst enemy.
So just kiss me,
Out of the Blue.

Wilted Seaweed Nov 2013

Our phone calls

Those long awkward phone calls
are the cutest thing
when you can't stop yawning
but you wont go to bed
cuz you'd rather stay up and talk to someone lame like me.
When you tell me stories
you can't see im smiling the whole time
because your voice makes me happy
and when I make you laugh
my soul feels so bright
I could talk to you forever
Even though i'm awkward
and you are too
when I say I love you
I mean it
I can only believe you mean it too

Wilted Seaweed Nov 2013

that stupid little turtle necklace.

I remember walking home from school with you in eighth grade
being silly and naive as always
I told you I liked that necklace you wore
Not thinking much of anything
and you gave it to me
It smelled a little like grapes
which made me giggle
and a lot like you
which made me smile
I tried to return it
because it wasn't really mine
but you insisted I keep it
and thank God you did

I wore it every day
until we broke up
I thought of burning it
or simply throwing it away
But every time I tried
I couldn't bring myself to do it
So I shoved it in a blue box
hidden under my dresser
forgot it existed
forgot you existed.

I hadn't seen you in a year
when you told me you missed me
I missed you too.
I hadn't seen you in a year
when you told me you still loved me
I still love you too

I blew the dust off that blue box
picked up that simple beaded necklace
a little wooden turtle
it still smelled like grapes
and you

Three and a half years later
we talk on the phone for hours before going to sleep
I fiddle with that necklace while we talk
while I listen to your laugh
your stories
your voice
because it's all I have of you to hold
It doesn't smell like you anymore
because I wear it every single day
thats okay
because it reminds me
of everything we've been
of everything we will be
just because
this little turtle necklace
reminds me
how much I love you
and
how much
you love me.

Wilted Seaweed Nov 2013

My Feelings Don't Count

You'll pay for everything I need
and for that I am grateful
but you don't even know me
you never go to my band performances
but band is my life.
you never care who my friends are
but they're my reason for being
everyone on the internet says im funny
I can draw
I can write
I'm an artist
I'm a poet
You've never seen my sketchbook
or read the poems I write when you make me cry
Do you care to ask about the boy I'm in love with?
thats right
you don't know about him
though you should
he gives me the love and attention you never did
you'll never ask me whats wrong when I'm down
because you don't care.
I ask you to stop texting when you drive
because I care about you
and you tell me to shut up
You spend every weekend at your lovers house
because I guess I'm not enough for you
I try to tell you these things
And I'm terrible at showing how I feel
So when I muster up the strength
to cry out
you laugh
because i'm just a stupid teenager
and I overreact
because my feelings dont count.