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maybe marc Aug 2020
me ponias esa cara de pregunta,
yo todavia no se que decir cuando
me preguntan entrelazados
¿que quieres?
pa mi bastan besos eternos
tus manos toqueteando
me
ponen loca.
un calor poder estar y nada mas,
que pena
pensar
que tal vez me ves
como me veo
y te das cuenta,
que pena que te engaño
solo un poco
cuando digo que revuelvo.
maybe marc Jul 2020
leave me dripping,
****,
what a dumb thing to say.
not because it wouldn't drive us both crazy for each other
but, you know,
you want to be responsible.

honestly, i was probably
the full mess that i am,
with you,
i even forgot to pretend not being so.
...
maybe marc Jul 2020
the eternal desire for hibernation
would've been a sparkling fire
in which we would've starved
only from reality,
bound in that moment.
if it weren't for something.

a different taste from the same
that this is made of.
different because this time
i haven't denied it's been my decision,
and so it can only hurt more
because i could want this. (?)
and i do i just gotta be prepared for it going down south so i gotta think, could.
maybe marc May 2020
you think you get to tell me how content you are
you judge how i'm not up to your standards
you let me know that i'm wasting your time
i'm ungrateful to you
weona de mierda.
and the thing is,
you wanted to say it,
you got mad and then you got the
sweet release of communication
and i listened to you.

maybe i'll only hurt myself by not telling you
the ******* you're putting me through
maybe it only hurts me as i rip the skin from my cheeks
as i avoid locking eyes with
twist and twitch at the sound of
panic at the mere thought of going.
but maybe i'll drive you crazy in return
if i let you know gesture by gesture
that i hold no love for you.

and maybe killing myself is only a dream where i hurt you
because i still want you to know this pain
the one i had to swallow
while your demons sculpted into me
a void which would eat me up
leave me with nothing but dissociation for years to come
no one to hold on to but a broken family
siblings barely staying afloat
in selfishness
in supporting a mother
that would no longer be a lover.
your weight amongst theirs,
it came with the most shame.

i'm childish
i know that,
but there's something about you
that makes me want to hate you
and it drives me to falling asleep thinking
that i could just
fill my pockets with rocks and jump
the golden.

i've been dreaming of seeing you
through a blank stare
blood mixing in with your tears.
i can't help but
wanting to hurt you back
so you'd be forced into understanding
everything that hasn’t been making sense to you.

in your eyes i was a circus beast that needed to be broken,
you cracked your whip and expected obedience.
i didn’t budge
so you stomped on my back
on the gravely confusing love i felt for you
on the expectations of a family that would've supported you
had you just asked.

you couldn’t imagine the lengths to which
i hurt myself
to match the scars you left,
what continues to be worse than your actions
is the ripple that forced me
to keep carving that pain into my own skin.
i manipulated those who would double the damage
i offered to them on a platter
bricks to hold me down
as the sliver that was left of the real me quietly rejected
what i was willingly agreeing to.

i guess,
i'm walking backwards on a journey of forgiveness,
because i said out loud that i forgave you.
i didn't expect things to ever be different
i gave up on the idea that you could ever change
after the hundredth time you begged for a second chance,
all teary eyed
*******.
but i forgave you.

and then you tell me
you're happy,
and i'm ungrateful.
maybe marc May 2020
--
si, es tru,
pero también es tu actitud.
ni pa la paja tu memoria está linda,
te cambié la cara pa quedarme con tu pinta.
ya se que fui idealista
no hubo ni tiempo de conquista
te di pistas
que me estabai pronunciando como las weas
pero la puta idea
imposible equivocación
mejor quedemos en un borrón,
como manchaste cuando te pedí
como lloraste, no por mí
sino porque fue el fin
de la ilusión que te vendí.
y ahora me salí
de eso que conocí
a como enfrí
a
miento,
si te digo que no te pienso.
si pretendo que el viento
no me llevó pa dentro.
pero al fin
me moví.
y a tí te siento como un derrame,
no todo es terrible como me presentaste,
pero al creer en eso me encontraste.
no te presto mi culpa porque es mía
pero por algo estuvimos en sintonía.
te las diste de mejor que mi mundo,
sin haberle dado siquiera una vuelta entera,
creo que en pretención te comprendí
en paciencia te perdí
y en amor,
te mentí.
asi que bueno,
ha lllegado hasta aquí,
lo que he sentido por tí,
but enough,
no hay pa que sufrir.
toy subiendo weas viejas, ya no se sienten asi por decir, pero las dejo aqui.
maybe marc May 2020
--
shoot i guess your hi
is better than what he gave
in desolation and need
he shows but what he wants to
no crazy show
just a shallow dive into his body.
i didn't know i would always feel this way about them
manipulative and unsure,
definitely not on the road to happily ever after for anybody.
maybe marc May 2020
yorkin the news
i am slave again,
i felt it as they started tightening their grip around me.
crazy how the pressure arises
when either all
or absolutely nothing.
sad is waaaaay past sad now
sad is all.
the want never left
i never taught it how to walk away,
it grew,
climbed my weak and bruised
surrounded me with envy
and complaints.
the bits i bit and swallowed,
implanted where my acids melt;
they grew,
a seed i thought i spat out but turns out
i just watered
.
i am but a trespasser or this place
that doesn't need me in its needing me
,
if i could've just observed instead
it wouldn't hurt at all.
if i hadn't been restrained
there would've been no need to struggle
but
if the tub had been an ocean i would've drowned.
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