Oh why does it scare me
As I browse through these poems
Marked down in history

Oh why does it scare me
As I recollect the missing pieces
That once destroyed my life

Oh it really scares me
To be reminded of
That painful past

I've never really felt
so alone
Walking into a classroom
Strangers everywhere
Talking to old buddies
Yet it's never again
the same
It's never how it
used to be
And I guess,
It'll never be again.
And things have changed
The world has shifted
I've never felt more than this
*alone

hiding behind this hall of fame
tears are clouding
I bow in shame
never really made a name
never really played a game
always there
stuck forever
in this walk of pain

sometimes
I have a million things to say
but
I just can't put them into words
they're thoughts that
float in my mind
distractingly
deceivingly
throwing my mental state into
a mayhem

Words are spears
Lies are daggers
Aimed at the heart
Left to die

Rain is pouring
Slashing
And
Splashing
They are the rhythm
To the thoughts in my head

Each raindrop
Sings their own melody
A cacophony
A medley
With roaring in the distance

It sounds like
Nature is distressed
Letting out its anger
In a monstrous manner

Well how about the monsters
That lies in my head
There's no way they'll leave

They'll just drown me
They'll sweep me away

I used to believe that
Trusting you
Was the way to go
Because trust begets trust
And you'll trust me too

But time again
You hide secrets
And think that I'm a fool
Because I don't say a word
Doesn't mean that I don't know
A thing

*Enough with treating me like a fool
I know my facts
And that's the truth

Can't believe I'm still doing this
My hands lead me astray
one
two
three
four
Again
And again
The scars that etch deep
Wash me in guilt
I can never get rid

They say
Stay
On your side of the wall
You'll be safe

So we stayed
So we waited
But the monster still
Crept through the tunnel

Hurling assaults
Like arrows
Pierced into our spirits
A blow after another

Taking her poison
Her terrifying violence
Wrecking our land
Of serenity

Our worlds
Contrasting so drastically
Portraying two sides of
Extremity

At least
We felt (we learnt) the
i m p a c t
Of **the divide

Have you seen the girl
Walking down the aisle alone
Hands in pockets
Of her furry black jacket

Yearning for somebody
To talk
To laugh
To share her stories with

But the world
Whizzes past
In a frantic stampede
Leaving her behind

Loneliness
The force field so great
It's destroying her too
(Have you seen her?)

I want to be
Your pillar of support
You can hold on to me
Whenever you're falling

I want to be
Your confidante
I'll keep all your secrets
I'll share your pains

Still, I'm afraid
That my actions might
Hurt you
Or pull a trigger

Still, I'm afraid
I'll cross the line
Between your world and mine
Like I'm forcing my way
Through your locked doors

They always say
"Save your strength
For the last lap"

I'm trying

But why am I still caught
In this downward spiral
That blows me away
Further from the start

I'll give
A million bucks
(Or whatever I have)
That you won't realize
If one day
I vanish into thin air
And never return

That candle
Burning bright
Is depleted of
Support
Is out of
Breath

Watch it flicker
Watch it dwindle
Watch it die

As my hopes
And dreams
Disappear
As darkness
Takes over

I'll be here

Somewhere in my train of thoughts
I wondered
If I would rather know
You're leaving
And bear with that agony
Or wake up one day
And realize
You're gone

Why are you silent
Why don't you tell me
That you want to
Leave forever
I want to leave with you
But you don't trust me,
Do you?

Those ugly words
Recklessly
Mercilessly
Barrel into my soul
Carving a scar
Bleeding
*Eternally

Isn't it interesting
How she can be an angel
To somebody
But yet she is such a demon
To me?

Can I please
Not go to school tomorrow
My eyes are swollen
I don't want to be seen
They've been dried
Poured out with
Anguish
Frustration
Hopelessness
Dejection
I want to hide
And the worst part
*Who do I turn to?

If I believe
There is hope
Will hope save me
From this devouring tunnel?

If you haven't noticed
That smile was
Fake
That forced smile
Hides a lot

Too close
Back off
Draw a line
Never cross

The magic number
That worked wonders
Its delicate balance
Now almost ruined

You **** with words
I **** with looks
Deal?

When you step in
I will get out
It's something like displacement
But this time with humans

In three weeks
I'll sink back
Into emptiness
And probably
Hopelessness

I can't see the light,
Will someone please let me out?
It's too dark in here.

Oh Lord
Please help me
To never do that again

The wildfire spreads
Engulfing everything in its path
Burning them into ruins
Passing on the flames
To the last ones standing
It's merciless
It's mighty
Come the bravest
Come the swiftest
The army that fights the beast
Watching on
Helpless
As the fire destroys
Wrecking all into ashes

I can't face you
I can't conquer you
You're slapping me
You're crushing me

You ****** whatever that's left
You steal whoever I have
You single me out
Away from the crowd

Stop destructing
Stop brainwashing
I'm falling into your trap
Satisfied now?

You must be that
Caged bird
Longing to soar
In the vast heavens

But as you flap your wings
Ready to fly
You hit the cold bars
That throw you back down

Believe me
One day
Maybe tomorrow
The chains will break free

Your wings stronger
You'll go higher
You'll go further
Just you see

I hear you
That deep sneering voice

You pounce on me
At every crucial point

You force me
To break down before the crowd

You tell me
My dreams are too far to reach

You remind me
I'll plunge through the gaps

I hate you
That dark menacing voice

This time
I won't let you win

You were right
I am and forever will be
*Stupid

Foolishly
Obliviously
Standing forlornly
Watching silently
Backs turned on me

Should I say
You are losing your hearing
Or keep the lie that
My speech is slurring