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Mattea Marie Dec 2013
Jealousy
Is not a hatred
Of another
And their possessions

Jealousy
Is a hatred
Of one's self
For lacking
Something
That another has

I am jealous of her
Because your friendship with her
Is easy
Simple
The way we used to be
I hate myself
Because I cannot
Be that good
To you
Or for you
And I'll never forgive myself for it
Mattea Marie Dec 2013
It seems
I have been misplaced
Again

I no longer belong
In the niches
I used to fit perfectly into

I don't seem
To occupy
The same spaces
That seemed like they were
Meant for me

Someone changed the puzzle
And I am still a piece
Of a different jigsaw
My corners do not match
My shape does not mold
To the same places
I once belonged

I am out of place
And I fear
There will never be
A space
For me
Mattea Marie Dec 2013
It would be nice
To escape my brain
Just for an hour
Or so

I wouldn't have to think
About everything
That weighs me down
Maybe if I had no brain
I could fly

I wouldn't have to worry
About everything
That holds me back
Maybe without a brain
I could break free

I could escape
The thoughts
That plague my mind
And poison my body
Maybe I could be
Clean

It might be nice
To take a break from
My brain and my mind
Sometimes sanity
Is just too much
Of a burden
Mattea Marie Dec 2013
It's funny how easy
It is to lie
When the words
Are on a screen
In black and white
No emotion

"I'm fine"
Is easier to say
When the tears
Are silent
And my voice
Can't shake
Mattea Marie Dec 2013
I used to be the girl
Who swore she would never
Drink
I promised I would never
Smoke
I never imagined
Having ***

Now I'm the girl
Who drinks occasionally
Because sometimes
It's easier to forget
Than to face reality

Maybe I'll become
The girl who smokes
To prove everyone wrong
Or the girl who *****
To hide her insecurity

Maybe I'll become
Everything I swore
I could never be
Mattea Marie Nov 2013
I am torn

Half of me
Wants us back
Rekindling
The love we had
Making new memories

Half of me
Knows we aren't
Meant to be

It kills me knowing
What I want most
Is what's worst for me
For us

I can't be your friend
I can't be your lover
I never know
Where we stand

I fit into your arms
But I'm afraid
If I go back now
I'll never be able
To leave
Mattea Marie Nov 2013
You are not in love with me
And I am not in love with you
Love is easy
Simple
Love is giving
Selfless
You don't destroy the person you love

You and I
Cannot get over each other
Because we cannot bear
To see the other
With someone else

I don't know if you want me
Or the memory of me
I miss the way
Things used to be

I don't know if that's possible again
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