I feel the caress of my own fingers
on my own neck as I place my collar
and think pityingly
of the kind women I have known.

I never thought that this is what it would be
Mom, I know your proud but if only you could see
What your little boy looks likes like at twenty
Memories stick, and I know you've got plenty
So this one is for you, dad, Katie, and I
Although it didn't work we gave it a try
And after all the times we felt like there was no luck
I can see that we had it perfect now that I'm grown up

the moon always reminds me of you
it's almost laughable
when I think about what you said to tie your memory
to the moon

and I'm just another
20-something fool whose spent the last five years
crying over those hard hearted *** and runners
who promised "forever"
while they hold another's hand
and I cover my eyes and move my fingers apart
to peek at what's really going on
only to deny it all over again in the morning

When you look at me
Your eyes are soft.
Your eyes are scared
And you force them to stay put.

I can feel
Your stomach churn
And your chest ache
With the bittersweet
Pinpricks of light brushes
And chance encounters.

Your fingers are dead weights.
They move clumsily
As you try to put us together
And whisper into my neck
Foreign words
That feel so warm -
So open and right
On your novice tongue.

When we let ourselves be
What we were, in those natural
Waves of skin, fighting everything
Keeping us back, you were so sure
We would never fight
That war again.

You think that we will change.
That we will find places
For elbows and ribcages,
And match these smiles and
Pauses and glances.
Puzzle ourselves into
A whole.

You think that
I will change.

I’m so sorry.

I am lying in your lap
You are touching my *******
I rise to kiss you softly
I begin to rub your chest
Your hands have moved elsewhere
And a fire ignites inside me
Kissing harder, I grab you for stability
We’re sitting together now,
Groin to groin
You quickly lift me to the bedroom
To our private party no one else can join
You place me softly on the bed, kiss my shoulder
Remove my clothes slowly,
But I am no colder
The weight of your body and the warmth of your excitement flow over me
Our bodies match perfectly like puzzle pieces
There’s nowhere else on Earth I’d rather be
And I’m kissing you hard
You’re kissing me sweetly
Hands running across my skin
The expansive amount of sensitive space you’re about to be within
I’m holding onto you as you move over me
And suddenly we’re connected by the explosion in our favorite extremities
We’re moving in sync
The fire ignited has spread
At this moment I can barely think
The last thing I want to be using is my head
And I’m secretly loving you with every part of my being
Wishing I could tell you this as you’re secretly fleeing
For tomorrow I will wake to an empty bed
Not knowing what to think
Because we both silently agreed nothing ever needed to be said.

I push,
you shove

and now
we're an ocean apart,

you ignore me
with every bottle

I count flower petals with
your name on them

Hello there,
New Friend
still not sure what to make of your presence
I like it
I think
but
I don't want you to get the wrong idea
New Friend
I don't want you to get the wrong idea
that were aren't just Friends
that we might hold hands
caress
that we might spend time
getting to know each other
really getting to know each other
not like Friends
New Friend
please stay
don't go
New Friend
don't go muddling this up
don't go whispering sweet nothings
but
don't go away