There was an old man who was very depressed
He'd failed every trouble and trial and test
He wept and he sobbed til his eyes had gone dry
He was so very sad that he wanted to

Seek emotional counsel for his dismal disorder
So he picked up the flute and the woodwind recorder
He learned to find joy through music expression
He thought he had finally beat his

Very hard level in Mario 3
But he failed at everything, even the Wii
He did with his sadness once again coincide
Til one fateful day he committed

To an exercise plan that got him in shape
He got slimmer and trimmer and boy, he felt great!
He was glad as a songbird and free as a dove
And thanks to the splendor of Tinder he even found

An overcontrolling excuse for a girl
Who caused years of therapy to slowly unfurl
As his job, his courtship, and his whole life went south
He finally put a bullet in his

Resume list of all of his talents
He saw each day as an exciting new challenge
From raise to promotion to recommendation letter
The old man's life had took a turn for the

Edge of the bridge that his body fell from
Though police say "suicide" there still are some
Who doubt the absurd and believe the absurder
That what actually killed him was coldblooded

Lizard-people who rule the government's workings
Putting on a facade while in the dark lurking
"The happiest suicide" may one day be explained
But if it is the Illuminati will wipe all our