There is no finish line
you run and you run and you run
your legs get tired
you cross that line
you collapse
in a combination of exhaustion pride and excitement
a euphoric happiness i guess
you're done
but then the finish line moves
and you're still miles and miles away
you have to pick your exhausted body up
and keep moving
or you don't
so many people don't
but there is no finish line
there is no first place
and there is no winners circle
you just keep running
until one day
you don't

Because I will never leave
Maybe I won’t be standing right next to you
But I’ll a piece of every blooming flower on an early spring morning
I’ll be in every raindrop that lands on your skin when you don’t want to live anymore
I’ll be in the rays of the sun shining down on your brightest days
I’ll be present in the slight chill of a fall breeze
I will never leave you
I will always be here
I will always be so close
no matter how far away I feel
telling you how sorry I am you can’t feel me beside you
But I’ll be there

If I had 1,000 years I’d spend them all terrified
I’d spend them counting down the days
I’d spend them fearing the end
and wishing wanting and praying for 1,000 more
I’d spend them fearing the end
I’d spend them fearing the end
and I’d be relieved the day my time was up.

nobody likes me when I'm happy
when theres a smile on my face
when I  feel whole
when there's substance
it's when I'm empty
drained of all the substance
it's when I have nothing left to grasp at
that you feel best about yourself
when I have nothing left to brag about
that you've got the world at your feet
you've got the world knocking on your door
and i've got no one crying at me feet
I could dissapear
and the only difference it'd make
is there's more mail for you to toss away

i stick my head out the window of speeding cars
to know what it's like to fall without a parachute
to no freedom
no responsibilities
no plan b's
no safe way out
to know it's over
to fall and know the only thing ahead of you
is the ground
I call the shots
I decide when it's over
I fall when I want to fall
I hit the ground when I want it to end
My life
I didn't decide when it started
but it ends when I want it to end
I hold the trigger
where the period goes is all my choice.

"It's all I've ever known" she sputtered
but she's 34 years old now
the scars on her wrists aren't liberating
and the cries for help aren't cute
the self destructive girl
isn't going to be saved by a white knight on a noble steed
her nights of feeling incomplete
alone
empty
and unhappy with every moment of her life
from her wedding night
the birth of her son
the day she met him
none of it had ever gone right
and no matter how hard she fought to destroy herself
there was never a white knight on a noble steed coming to save her from herself

If this is how it is
how it's going to be
if this is all we are
all that we were ever meant to be
then you can bury me now
we are not whole
maybe we never will be
but then you can bury me
because i'm too tired
tired of fighting
tired of looking
tired of feeling
bury me now
I could use the rest.