Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Jun 2012 · 962
Glass With Class
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Just a little prankster,
what harm can fire do?
Burning like a mountain top
must have the avian flu.
Why do'st thou sigh so loudly,
in streets to clear and broad
why do you hate the anglewoods
whose math is great and odd?
Oh jeezy miss Givens
whatever will they say
when they find out all the naughtiness
discovered on rainy days?
Wet and grey like mutt-pups
soggy like the news,
however can I cry
if she won't sing the blues?
Jun 2012 · 2.8k
Zinc
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Henceforth all ducks shall be shackled
entwined in martyrdom
half-shaven and fully aroused
baked and shaked and rattled and rolled
like bunnies, their reproduction
obviously
blantantly
even Freud would scratch his beard
too blatant the ***
obviously there must be another underlying problem
loving alcohol means you need ****
*** obsession means you need
love? Condoms?
Loch Ness Monster came over for tea
drank the imaginary brew
spat boiled liquid onto a canvas and sold it as art
"yes, yes, what does it mean?"
What does it mean?
It means that you think too much and don't feel
and don't think enough too caught up
like me
not perfect just only
and only is all one can do
can be accounted for
one, two, three
fall in-between the divisions of derivatives
damask dames like snoozing penguins
which is
black, white and dread all over
none too sure or very glassy
not too much of anything
just, just.
Jun 2012 · 868
Junktastic
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Well mercy mercy me
merci
pour le vine
c'est tres.....dry
however you look a little more lovely now
call it alcohol inhancement or stupidity or lack of judgement
just call me
and tell me about yer day
what are you wearing?
Sweatpants? Hot.
He one time said he likes to write
I took that to mean "We're soulmates"
but apparently it just meant he was *****
but so was I
it worked out,
a mutualistic relationship
he collected my pollen and tickled my pistil until nectar oozed,
licked my petals
picked my leaves, it was a fun spring
then summer came and dried up all of the birds
they didn't fly away home
ever they just sat in trees and watched the clouds go by
lazy birds lost their drive to destroy
so they relaxed and hoped for a tomorrow
maybe a next week who knows
give it some time and all is good
all is well and swell and fan-tastic
and many people are stoners.
Jun 2012 · 1.5k
Vinegar
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Dissolve the grime
burn the mistakes
drip down the throat of actions
eat the bacteria
rid it of influences
and perception of memories
until clean,
pristine
brand new
and ready to become, once again, filthy.
Jun 2012 · 1.3k
Unstable Personality
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Relationships are worse than heights-
not even just the romantic kind,
being close with friends is impossible
I keep myself further away than arm's length
miles away
behind sarcasm and jokes
I have no feelings
just humor and abundant kindness.
Alcohol is grand
you don't think
just drink
and everything drains away
and people become less than people
mere ants
who want to care about you and your thoughts
but even then
I don't want their positive regard
I want to make myself invisible
no worries
I'm fine
I will bleed to death here, alone
I don't want to get your hands sticky
I'm fine I promise.
How are you?
Yeah, i just had a line or two
but really I'm cool
my nose bleeds all the time;
those cuts are from my cat;
I wasn't throwing up I just felt a little sick,
I had a huge breakfast
as my stomach rumbles.
I don't want your help
I can be strong
really
I can be miserable without anyone else,
they would only pity
or be disgusted
and really
that would make me crazier than anything.
Jun 2012 · 1.6k
Incestation
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Cigarettes have more than smells
feelings, really
make one's head fill up, get bigger
remember
that day, when you came home from ballet
you were 6 and one half and 4 days
and your daddy was smoking a cigarette,
told you what a pretty little lady you were
a small woman
but you weren't
you weren't a woman
just a little girl
wanted to be a ballerina
but daddy wanted you to be an adult,
gave no choice
you can forget the car,
the moments the sounds
the feelings of fear and pain
but that smell,
the sickening breath of smoke
the head full of it and screams
a sweet little reminder.
Jun 2012 · 1.3k
Tickets to the Gun Show
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
The age-old rhetorical question:
bask in hedonism or preserve innocense?
Shamelessly flirt
and makeout with hotties on the beach
or stay quiet and "moral,"
which is really code for "I'm afraid?"
Is a kiss with a stranger
really a kiss?
Or merely brushing lips against other lips,
maybe accidently,
gently,
couldn't be any harm, right?
Or would my first kiss with a stranger who holds no relevence to my life
be a life-long regret?
Would not cutting loose and being "loose" be a regret too?
So uptight
my hair is forever permed,
let it down and lank
will I still be me?
Would I still have self-respect?
Would others respect me?
Urges are strong
but will they ruin everything?
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Theoretically
(not)
life will be changing more than I have ever previously known.
Home will be more relative
family depending on the location,
friends going far away and being introduced
dear God I'm scared
I'm scared of the distance
of the difference
just keep things the same
please?
Can't we just keep with the now
and never tell people good bye?
It's too painful
too unknown
what if you never see them again?
What if too much is never revealed?
Give me more time please
or just speed it up
stop with the ambiguity time!
I don't play well with new people
let's just keep the same ones!
Jun 2012 · 635
Never Have I Ever
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Admitted affection
or fear of rejection,
accepted attention from sweet souls
or incite admiration from attractive ones
Skinny-dipped, touched lips
with anyone
or even hold their hand,
been free
or properly controlled myself when necessary,
only potentially destructive
but without the nerve to do so,
never fully accepting though the concept makes sense,
I read a book or two on the topic,
the practice much less tangible,
maybe only for the few who have the guts to try,
not for those who sit and wait for confidence to make a move
to play Russian Roulette with another
I never owned a gun but still shot myself in the foot
same place, again and again
just stuff myself with food and alcohol
numbness better than reality
right?
Not quite
I exist to try to live though it's so simple it's a mockery to attempt to apply words to the concept
stand up stand proud sing
be the type of person you admire
never have I ever
felt quite fulfilled
though maybe such things are mirages,
messages to be pretty but never found or acheived,
never have I ever
believed in my self.
Jun 2012 · 758
Jambo
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Dahling you tease
you can't possibly be so innocent,
can you?
Those green eyes and lavish locks
oh girl you must have a closet full of rotting corpses,
wrought iron skeletons,
but no?
You don't put out?
You don't go down on the first date?
You don't even kiss?
Well little lady
I don't know whether to pity or help you
and your clean little ******
I bet their white, right?
You say you are only waiting,
only respecting yourself,
or are you afraid?
Too perfect to make a mistake with the wrong boy,
get a bad grade,
a blemish for not removing make up at night
let alone spend one with a male,
all sweaty and attractive, he probably has a tattoo
never been to church in years
but that turns you on right?
Maybe you should loosen up your chastity belt a bit
let the blood flow between your legs
let the possibilities of torrential disaster enter and intrigue,
but you can't do that
can you
control freak?
Can't be happy
only antiseptic and old
counting down the days until retirement
so you can look back and say
**** I never knew fun.
Jun 2012 · 1.2k
Paper Mache
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Lordy it's a pretty day though
humidity may ruin the glue
must use less water or else
the whole contraption will fall apart-
balloons pop wire melts
oh no Machu Picchu is ruined
just a globby mess of beer bottles and pizza boxes
how can I describe
how you look like a less attractive Jason Segel
and not even nearly as cool
still pretty smart though
but something tells my brain
there are plenty more even better
maybe a male model with a heart of platinum-
or chocolate!
what a perfect man
eat your heart out.
Jun 2012 · 1.6k
Bene, grazie!
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Ever seen the inside of a Teletubbie's belly?
I did
that **** gave me cataracts and glaucoma
which lead to injesting large amounts of guacamole
got huge
mostly in the head-
found a homeless man, let him sleep on my couch
he liked to tell stories about his encounters with celebrities
oh which he was one
back in the day, I think he was on Rosanne
never watched it but he was cool enough
we biked to the overpass to drop waterballoons on those who needed them most
like fake-tanned blondes in convertibles
and bicyclers.
I love all kinds of people and can forgive their beligerence
though mine are quite strange
I like canoing in trees and making mosaics from bone fragments and rubies
just a bit of a mind juggler
smacking singles on counters for pregnancy tests and breath mint
tell a tubby his belly is wide
and boy you'll be scoutin' a whole new skull.
Jun 2012 · 846
Lanky
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Motivation to be lazy
tweaken all day on high self esteem
rising to the sky like smoke
look at that grin, like a smug donkey
hee-hawwing like a little jokester
but nobody's laughing,
you aren't amusing
just sad
bohemian life catching up to
an unshaved smelly *****
can you at least get a job?
You were such a sweet kid
almost had a future
and now you're stuck
on the couch
in time
too high to continue moving forward with reality
who are you really?
I don't even know you
but I know
you frustrate me,
but not because you're a burnout
no
I can accept a *** head, we can be soul mates and light one up right here
but at the end of the day
when the bowls are gone and the dishes need washing
you seek more
and I fear seeing that liklihood appear in my own actions.
Jun 2012 · 2.3k
Harmonica
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Stretchy sticky tape can be used for plenty
like preventing loose lips from spilling secret information
make 'em taste adhesive next time they lick crackly mouths
serve as a reminder of the importance of person-person confidentiality.
Some just can't keep a good story in their head
which is why they shout
and beg for the forgiveness of their unpopular ways
I love all these outcasts
because I feel I should, as do many others
they want to feel like good people
holy
and sometimes you find
you do enjoy the company of the strange
and I find
that I thrive on absurdity and being a ******
because it's exhausting to try to be normal
so you just act a fool and laugh
because you love to read about politics and physics
and you still enjoy
being un-sober
though it isn't apparent to all because you aren't so obvious
(except now)
and you know roughly who you are
at least have some ideas as to who you aren't,
you aren't a princess or an athlete,
you're not valedictorian, not perfect
just a humble little ****** with birds for brains
flying out of your ears
a whole flock of 'em
chirping away eating worms
early in the morn'
just insane in the dark.
Jun 2012 · 652
Vintage
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
As a young gal I married a much older boy,
he was 8 and the love of my life.
Then we divorced when I met Nathaniel;
his blue eyes and love of trains were dreamy to say the least
we never spoke much though
the marriage was unrequitted.
Today I love only writing
people are too animal to keep commitments,
they must eat and hunt and reproduce to repopulate
words simply listen and convey
can be flaky at times when there isn't a word to describe an idea
but at the end of the day
words will not die
unless they are latin
and when enough are written
you will never feel lonliness or discomfort
but only inner peace and relief.
Jun 2012 · 1.1k
Lava
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
If you like
some day will be so drastically different from today
that you will never know how insignificant current worries are
or how silly actions were
life can be
how you like it:
queen of primetime
soccer mom
beach ***
anything.
I think I'd like to be a traveller.
I want to see the places I've only heard of
to ensure that they do exist
but I'd want to do so only if there was no hostility
which is impossible
so I suppose this will have to do
only hearing stories
googling images
reading books and learning languages
and just imagine the view from another mountain.
Jun 2012 · 4.3k
Fiji Flu
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
I need a shot of something strong-
(anthrax?)
'cause I have too much passion for distraction
thought it's probably what I need most,
just a little break from thoughts and selfishness
I do not own anyone, not even myself
it's all variable
it's terrible
this illness of assuming the right to feel a certain way about anything
when you're wrong,
the feelings are wrong
it's possible.
Too much analysis not enough mental paralysis
freeze
let it stand still, we're close enough to the speed of light to halt forward motion of time
slide in a black hole
Helter Skelter, and I'll see you again
a changed man, new person, brain transplant
and I won't care
oceans are forever and round like the universe
citrus smiles mean only positive moments
nothing serious ever again
sight for sore thighs
joy.
Jun 2012 · 924
Tremendous
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Timmy thinks a lot of things-
**** should be legal, women should be naked
he had some friends.
One day, they decided
to go to another galaxy
so they hopped on board a ship
Titanic
and sailed away in the sky
to the space
to the beyond
they made good time,
not too many bathroom breaks
and reached Arshbeg in time for lunch.
They hated the atmosphere,
much too musky
and the dirt reeked of some subatomic ****
quark feces
but the sky was beautiful,
you know,
the kind of color that doesn't exist in the typical Earth spectrum of light,
you had to be there to get it,
it's an inside- enlightenment.
Why did they ever come home?
One: the lack of air made it difficult not to drop dead
two their ears began to melt and detattch at random according to cosmic comedy
and three they missed their television,
there was terrible reception on that side of the universe.
They came home with big grins
thought they were cool for their discovery,
only to realize that they were forgotten,
that two days on Arshberg was 500 years on Earth
they met their great great great great great great (and some)
grand relatives
who did not care about time travel
for that was children's play,
and they were just old fogies
too sad for the emotionless world
too obsolete to survive
so they were anihilated to make room
for a digital shopping center of gravity.
Jun 2012 · 514
Hey There Mr. "I'm a Pussy"
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
I wish I could call you a regret
because then at least we tried.

I wish I could say you were selfish in bed
because then at least I would have felt your sheets on my skin.

I wish I could say you stopped being romantic
because then that would mean you were at some time,
and
I wish I could just find another guy to obsess over
because then
I might take a chance
Jun 2012 · 1.7k
Jargon
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Ciao baby, preggo
that means let's smooch under romantic balconies
and make lovely thick-haired multi-cultural children
I want a big ole belly of wine drinking zygotes
feta crumble eye *****
real live sculptures in my palace
jaggedy rocks with blood streams
trickling into the ocean
salty and brine like sewer sludge
let's go for a swim
could be amazing, or beautiful
most likely exciting at least
light bulb moment: I want to hear yours first
you're so dang brilliant like cerulean skies
fake but still pretty
tell me your story
teach me your lingo language
sil-vous plait?
Non?
Well fine, you're verbally redundant anyway
thoughts made of unsettling murky waters
no light can penetrate
and sweetie neither can you
not now
I'm 20,000 leagues too deep for your puddle of a conscience.
Jun 2012 · 1.1k
Finality
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Moments of desperation make days of vulnerability
"Tell me I'm pretty"
"Don't I look cute in my dress?"
Look at me.
I look so **** fine and nobody's jaws are on the ground.
My eyes are gorgeous right now
my hair like silk
so why aren't you eye-******* my brains out?
When you get in this state
after disappointment and having your ribcage bashed with a wrecking ball
you want attention
and you hate it.
You hate the self-centered need for compliments
you want chisled men with rippling six-packs
to compliment the curvature of your collarbone
but what?
Nope
not even the skeezes pay a bit of attention
(probably for the best)
because they can smell the instability.
They know underneath that revealing top
is a blubbering girl dying for some double-chocolate icecream and a Ryan  Gosling flick
over and over
"If you're a bird, I'm a bird"
"I want you. Forever and always."
Silent and strong
sweet and sturly
just cuddle me and pay me compliments like a little sweet slave
don't be *****
just tell me my cheek bones are sculpted and my lashes are lush
and my side bends are really making a difference.
Shallow little pick -me- ups,
vocal vicodin
just gimme some nice narcotic attention
so I can stop obsessing
about how lame I was,
how close,
and how he still chose her.
May 2012 · 711
Perplexion Reflection
Matalie Niller May 2012
She spoke up in class
"Just why does this work?"
Peers giggled, such a nerd
wondering about things with her mind and her thoughts
"Good question," frazzled teacher replies
students make ****** jokes about student and frizzy-bearded teacher.
She couldn't get a guy her own age
her coldness gave males de-rections
but not the teacher, oh no
he loved her.
After classes, late at night
the two would walk the campus watching stars watching them
smiling, those stars giving the two permission to hold hands and give shy glances
darkness allowing the two to feel tickly inside and not feel guilt.
"This works like anything else: simply, once practiced enough."
Boys in the back row roll eyes, take notes, try to ignore the big-brained girl and her too-old boyfriend.
"Why don't you show me, then?" - met with surprise, looks from other students
discomfort rippling throughout the classroom
eyes looking at watches, the clock, cell phones
to decide how much longer the suffering of a publicly performed private romance must last
they weren't stupid kids
they just knew when they knew things
and kept questions to themselves.
May 2012 · 708
Downer
Matalie Niller May 2012
Sliding a can of spray paint out of his mischeif backpack
finger tips began to sense things without touching
they knew they were about to vandalize
and the thought of beautiful work to be created made the nerves fly into a frenzy.
Rattling of  bearing, combining of paint and propellant
pink sneezes out of the nozzle in a wonderful mist smelling of dizzying chemicals
he waves his arm in an arc,
an ark to save a generation from corporate *******,
to eliminate the fraud of the men in suits who shave daily and drink coffee
this kid
wanted to revolt, not knowing repurcussions
or fearing concussions
only the humiliation of being held by the book of laws and treaties,
treating each night of debauchery as a dawn of ingenuity and won victories,
perplexion of the too-calm anarchy of day-to-day America
why wasn't everyone outraged?
Why weren't they naked and screaming and looting?
His thoughts were misconstrued by **** residue
cheap alcohol poisoning
he may as well have huffed the paint
then the cops came
"It's in my rights, I want my rights! I need my rights to write!"
Delirious, disgruntled
he'll tweet about this later,
his first run-in with The Fuzz
while defacing a preschool.
May 2012 · 719
No Balls
Matalie Niller May 2012
Literally a perfect situation:
approach the stupid guy.
He's all alone and vulnerable and adorable
but what?
I just let my sorry excuse for confidence
slide away into the back row like the awkward teen I am
lurking, admiring from afar
obsessing like a **** starved weasel
with a pint of bacon fat
until my worry muscles are broken and ripped and sore and bleeding
and my brains must be bashed out with hammers to get rid of the suffering
the stupid, stupid thoughts and self-reproach
worth just measured by a stupid stupid boy's approval
or lack there of of caring.
How cute, my ignorance of importance
my value on externals
and stupid stupid desires
that are never going to happen,
and yes
I am ranting like a little girl in a diary
and yes
I am putting it all out for any unfortunate reader
and yes
I have zero *****.
May 2012 · 2.9k
Cough Cough
Matalie Niller May 2012
Nudge a numb cockroach and he'll love you for life
just ***** little lemonheads
can't actually survive a nuclear explosion
but can cause catastrophic evolutionary queries
like "Why do the good die young?"
Can you believe
that long ago only the bad died elderly
and were witches with elixirs
potions and spells to make God blush and his **** turn to mush
so powerful
they made people go crazy with
judgement and micromanaging
but I'm the real witch
right-o I ride broomsticks and eat toads for snacks
my back is a lump of coal from the Devil's morning hookah
smoke billows from my ears
cockroaches my best friends
we cut off our heads and run into fridges
my pelvis is frigid except
for those **** roaches.
May 2012 · 1.4k
Peer Mediation
Matalie Niller May 2012
Empathy goes a long way
with wusses, don't you think?
The tough ones don't have feelings
just razor-wire for guts and time-bombs for hearts
emotions replaced with Hulk smashes and knife gashes
she said
"Let's be friends" she said
"We can chase air and lick butterflies"
He said "Only if you die first"
he only had dead friends
they smell amazingly disgusting and have WORMS for EYES!
She cried.
He almost felt sad, he thought
but he realized it was just hunger
for scared screams and others' insecurities
impurites of rhythm and logic just soft chalk cells
washed away by ***** from an angry bladder
getting madder and madder
maybe, if feelings were so prevalent.
May 2012 · 1.9k
Jamestown
Matalie Niller May 2012
All-new
****** lands
(except for the natives)
dying to be properly deflowered and nailed and ******* and erroded
to make way for gun forts and gold mines
(they can be built!)
they're called Zale's and they love money
funny, not to all but to enough
call them crazy call them savage
but maybe they just love their homes
and don't own the kinds of weapons that make the loudest noise
but that **** the slowest and with least dignity.
Color-me a Cosmo girl
fit to be cover material, just look at my hair
look at Pocahontas, you know she was bald?
Hideous, un-English in every way
probably because she wasn't
but gotta give credite where credit is rejected, overdrawn
maybe never even earned just splurged and secreted
but wanna hear a secret?
The land belongs to nobody
not a soul not a body not a mind
they knew this but knew others were destroying it
that's why they were mad,
not because they were children who had their toys stolen
but because a living lifeless matter was being assaulted
catapulted into the future of steam engines and fried chicken
feathers blowing in the winds of convertables
they took scalps to maybe open the minds to the error of ways
not that one's head should be disassembled
but one can't seem so oblivious or wide eyed when shown the  facts
of obvious emotional response
but we are young
dinosaurs were old and we have time to forget.
May 2012 · 866
Boom Went the Kryptonite
Matalie Niller May 2012
That tree
it swings
and blows
and loves to show the comes and goes
wanderers and glasses cases with altruistic basses
let it go let it flow
drip drip
down
pails of silt for building *****
all of them, fending off hurricane storms and flooding waters
roll up your jeans baby it's wet out today
muggy and watery
what's the state of our affairs?
He said he wanted one
but only in his head, I think
I wanted him to want an anything with moi
just a silly old anything
that involved his naked body but
he can't do that
can he?
I don't know I'm too afraid to look
too excited to keep my eyes shut
so where does that leave off?
Frozen with hormones and confusion
anticlimaxes burning my brain
his loss
could have been the best thing he ever bragged
or regretted
who cares not me
not him
not the ones holding off the storms and the thorns
not the glint in my eye that proclaims the day is good so long as I can breathe
and then and then
it comes and goes
and so it shows
I need a better use of my rhyme.
May 2012 · 3.6k
Sashimi
Matalie Niller May 2012
Speak to me in a Russian accent
sound all angry and mean
then buy me a puppy named Tobias
and cuddle fer hours et hours.
I like 'em gruff
and dorky and sweet
and badass and lovely
and secretly love to write poems.
Do they tear up during The Notebook
and still love mountain biking and rock climbing?
Can he laugh at my weird jokes
and tell some of his own?
Maybe.
May 2012 · 1.7k
Jessop
Matalie Niller May 2012
Yessir I have felonies
and melodies both melancholy and miraculous
paragraphiculous and ridiculous
stole some shows and some thunder
thighs like two day old pudding slap 'em and ride the waves
sike
drink up some dishwasher detergent chased with lead paint
not for the faint of heart just the stupid as ffffffffuuuuuu when under the right noises
and boyses and girlies all singing their swirlies
and twirlin' 'round like pinwheels of tin steel
ten feet off of the ground
hillsides like pill boxes full of coins and coincidences
unmeasured instances of grief and shame without a blame
no face to force hate just mirrors to show fate
and the stars in the sky with their winking teasing ways all
fall to the ground
will be dead within days
but they are not forsaken, maybe only spared
to avoid seeing the moment when sunny didn't share
and all went dark like absence of creation
animation of fears all mixed and respun into dope dubstep
to be grinded and mashed
and spat back up into the trees
May 2012 · 422
Feelin' Mighty Fine
Matalie Niller May 2012
Today is only,
this second the last
tomorrow isn't promised
let's have a blast.
Let's get our feet wet
and make some boys cry
and get really mellow
and make the slugs dry.
May 2012 · 1.4k
Yogurt Lattes
Matalie Niller May 2012
Don't be silly
ofcourse I am a ******
who has freakish tendencies
and uses jibber jabber language
and makes absurd analogies
like how fried Oreoes, when converted into global currency, is worth one hundred Indian virgins.
Fact:
I am awkward. I make people feel uncomfortable
and they can never follow my train of thought
because it leaves at 4pm from Seattle and will end up in Atlantis at approximately 3,000 BCE
(unless you take wind resistence into account).
I would sometimes rather sit alone and read a  book
than go out and have "fun" with people
and I can become very irritable when around humans for too long
and then my brain becomes unfriendly and my demeanor becomes elderly and dry
and jokes are not funny but just tiring and childish
and then I know it's time for my nap
which does not involve sleeping, because that's more of a miracle than walking on ceilings
so I mostly sit, eyes open staring and sorting out thoughts,
filing away emotions and sensory experiences until I feel recharged and have enough bars
to go out and play again.
May 2012 · 571
Always Anyways
Matalie Niller May 2012
I don't want to be seen
I just want to be read
or heard without having to speak or make any kind of effort.
I don't want to have to make acquaintances
I'd rather just have us be life long friends and forego the introductions
and awkwards and explaining of favorites and flaws
I just want it to be known all my weirdnesses and quirks
and be left alone when I need to be in time out
but still liked when I get out and decide it's possible to be human again.
May 2012 · 1.2k
Bellies
Matalie Niller May 2012
Distended or disgusting,
too big never flat enough
our bellies dictate our worth;
bigger means money for food,
but not enough money for lipo.
Smaller means either
a) good genes
b) exercise
c) eating disorder.
Why oh why must we all be so enslaved
to our belly sizes?
It frustrates me to be frustrated with my belly
it never did anything wrong,
it's just not as flat as my 100 pound classmates
but it's still lovely.
It still digests food, and has a special little button to remember my birth.
Why must we hate these bellies so?
May 2012 · 1.3k
REM Recycle
Matalie Niller May 2012
Too tired to sleep too stubborn to fight
eyes resist both closing and capturing pictures
leaving one (Me) to be in a state of zombified negligence and grump.
Sleepy funk, like dreaming a boring black and white
film covers retinas and lenses
brain swirls in intoxication of running on E
and not even the fun kind
just the Empty kind that needs some juice
or nap
or maybe just some lovin' from a certain someone ****
though that's a stretch
and muscles are currently too ****** to reach that far
or scratch broken ribs of progress or even to
drink much of anything
just trying to be happy
though one needent need to try
just breathe and try not to wish for the night
because today may be the last or next to last
and the uncertainty just causes more anxiety
so the cycle of strife rains on its acid and placidity
until finally I'll crash
or implode, or cry
and it'll be great
because breakdowns are necessary for life and peace and tranquilizing.
May 2012 · 1.2k
Madre Nature
Matalie Niller May 2012
Come here
splendid heat wraps me up in a warm sauna towel
and bakes me at 350 til I'm crispy crunchy
and surprisingly Cali-girl
maybe attractive to strapping young lads with tan bulging biceps
it's hard to tell
the sun makes everything look instagram and amber
kind of like a living hipster photo album
only more mainstream because it's the whole world and even I can appreciate.
Oh my my
are the colors so colored today
they are living
coexisting
the sku blues with the leaf greens and the crap browns
they're all friends here
and there and everywhere friendly as friends
and bright as radioactive goo.
May 2012 · 740
Just
Matalie Niller May 2012
No problems, just theories
and excuses both lame and creative
extravagance in rare form,
perfect, really
if you wish to boil down the exteriors and denature the proteins
fleshy and energized, totally organic
like a Tropicana Sunday
complete with yellow Voltswagons and STDs.
Why speak of such things?
Shock value isn't worth much,
just a fist in the ***
if that's what you're into
and even if you're not
(especially if you're not)
because then you can't appreciate a good smack when it's deserved
and you begin to feel lonely
like a kid who can do no wrong
so never enjoyed the beauty of time out
only the isolation of magnets on the refridgerator,
domesticity a promise but not an end
only the beginning, a cycle of strife that is fully necessary and advantageous
when placed on the plates of the right eating bunch,
and goodness it's a lovely night
because the stars are still shaped like those homely spoons and beasts
and all the world's at the feet of the manor's Lords and Ladies
such wonderfully pitiful people
though can't blame them for much
only for being so flea- bitten and haughty
when the serfs are just as alive.
May 2012 · 468
Mr. Unfortunate
Matalie Niller May 2012
I know, I know
I just don't want to accept.
I want to alter people
their feelings
and stupid reactions
but how?
Thinking and worrying?
Meditating on the matter?
I can not let things be
because they are not what I want;
I have the power to incite an intrinsic riot
and swerve off of this path of passivity and safe play
so I can begin living as I should, as I want,
in a way that will make it worth living.
Stop making things so difficult
and allow me to ruin it all
in the name of fun.
May 2012 · 664
Typical
Matalie Niller May 2012
Just a little kiss he said
His draped  arm around her shoulders squeezed , shlumping in towards her.
I don't know.....she said.
Her innocent wide eyes and tightly curled hair were frightened.
Come on, don't be a ***** he said,
eyes droopy, voice smelling condescending and aroused.
He tasted his lips before flashing his teeth.
Strong fingers locked into her pristinely wound tendrils
shoving a resisting skull towards his probing lips.
She tensed, squealed, tried to turn away
but he only pulled her closer like quick sand, or an anaconda.
His hand immediately rounded second base, clamping onto her tender ******* like a bear trap
before kneading them and moving to the hem of her blue dress.
She muffled a scream into his mouth, but the black hole just absorbed and incinerated the sound.
His hand travelled up her knee, to her thigh
which was soft, and clean.
He thought they probably smelled like Ivory soap and angel laughs.
The further north his hand travelled, the higher pitched the squeals became.
He wanted to experiment how far he needed to move until her voice became  audible only to dogs.
He smiled into her cheek
he was a glorious, powerful tiger and she was an unassuming gazelle with a limp.
Really, he was doing her a favor
ending her misery before someone less humane devoured her tragic beauty.
He bit her neck, rendering her paralyzed
with fear.
Come on, don't be such a ***** he said,
Nobody likes a *****.
May 2012 · 1.7k
Sweetly Sweet
Matalie Niller May 2012
Were there no stalkers or high school shooters in the 50s?
Or are social web sites just more influential than our parents think?
Did texts and tweets raise the *** drives and black out drinking?
Or is the thinning atmosphere contributing to mass judgement impairment?
It's strange
that we have a cure for small pox, can remove cancerous cells
but can't convince some to drive home sober.
It's fitting, in a way,
that Mother Nature has figured out a system to keep the human population relatively in check:
we have the technology to survive diabetes and malaria
but  access to delicious saturated fats is slowing down and stopping hearts from properly earning a living.
Progress has ended many terrible ailments and has expanded understanding and brains
but has also given more creative ways to be lazy and irresponsible.
A double edged sword, with most likely more benefits than setbacks,
we have all become hypocrites under advancement.
We learn of the monstrocities in far away places we will never see,
yet still do the very things that contribute to its existence.
Sweatshops?
I'll buy an anti-slavery t-shirt!
(made my children. in sweatshops.)
Pesticides?! I'll go organic!
(and perpetuate pollution with the fuel used to import the goods. and continue terrible working conditions)
It's impossible to resist the inevitables, like death and setbacks and corruption
so sometimes it's best not to fight
but to just do what you want, even if it's stupid or lethal or involves making an *** of yourself.
We're all stupid at sometime and susceptible to faulty thinking,
and sometimes advanced thinking leads to inventions that create crutches for living or coping,
but  the fields  level out
and global common sense always balances individuals who lack the ability to be actively responsible.
May 2012 · 1.1k
Hemp Brain
Matalie Niller May 2012
Jimmy Beans were strewn in the fields like fire crackers
out from the waxy hulls
sprouted miniscule Bizarrities
(which is a word because it was their names).
The Bizarrities were kind, they enjoyed playing pan flutes
and had a nifty knack of flipping silver coins so that they consistantly landed on heads.
They cried when picked in the Spring-a-ling,
but after a day or two adjusted to life outside the vines
and took up anthropology, or archaeology.
A few opened their own dental practice and picked the little green teeth of fellow Bizarrities.
One day, to-day,
a Honey Tree was swimming along when it came to a Bizarritie.
"Hello kind Bizarritie, won't you play a song for me?"
The green Bizarritie laughed in false glee and said
"My dear sweet Honey Tree, thou art positiv-ity
the reason why I left the ground
and moved to Bizarritie-town."
The Honey Tree, baffled and distraught, contemplated the feelings he thought.
It was on that day, bright and dreary, that the Honey Tree grew ever weary
of the merchants on streets and artists and skeets
and the reasons why
not all assumptions die.
May 2012 · 1.1k
Don Juan's Doritoes Locos
Matalie Niller May 2012
A certain somebody has the most actively attractive eyes when he grins,
they actually twinkle like proverbial stars;
this fact may be what I despise about his existence most of all.
I do not appreciate the cranking in my stomach when I see his perfect, warm skin stretch
and his ****** muscles proclaim positivity
and his strong calcium teeth blind any unsuspecting victims.
I hate the little fishing hook that rips uncleanly in a jagged form in my blood-pulsing heart
when I feel he hasn't properly paid me my much deserved attention.
I outlined my eyes in dark chemicals and fluffed my hair provocatively to lure his lust
for what?
To realize that I do not contain the proper combination of personality traits to appease such an animal soul
and never will.
I really hate the pitiful state of longing and admiration his uninterested being reduces my willing heart to;
to be strong and independent is desirable,
but to be his is a complete necessity.
May 2012 · 2.0k
Real Talk
Matalie Niller May 2012
Expatriots await the nights in Kuwait
where the dingoes and dominoes and salamanders bait
the ladies in purple to their eminent doom
of sleazies and stabbings and babies in womb.
Don't get me wrong,
I enjoy a good time, if friends are around and we got a dime
or two
and a fire for the masses and we're shaking our *****
as if we are actually aware of the outcomes of our actions.
I know we haven't the slightest clue
what a Jesus Christ is, or if it hides under our beds at night
or if it was a Jew.
What's written in books can be written by crooks,
because literacy and knowledge are ******* beautiful
but can give one more confidence than the world has to share,
and the whole theory of Relative Pride falls to pieces when one has more self-efficacy than ability
and the children with their sweet little ideas and purity are not humble but fall victim to humility.
So what's in a name?
Letters, vowels, consonants and connotations
traffic tickets, family vacations
****** and protests (though not necessarily related)
teenage boys and ***** minds and those who have masturbated.
But who hasn't?
Those without names, or faces
or honesty or hands
probably have their members ******* in steel-spiked rubber bands.
I'll see you again in retox dehibilitation
and we can converse and create
while under the crutch of sedation.
May 2012 · 595
Around the World
Matalie Niller May 2012
It's time to get xenophillic and leave home for a bit.
My place is nice- loving and airy,
but it's feeling a little too little and crowded
and I have many fears of close walls.
I think I need to get oh so very lost and embark on my own personal odyssey;
I need to be uncomfortable and alone, afraid and poor
in order to feel alive.
This departure will arrive sooner than realized
and mostly I think I just want to forget and put distance between my thoughts and my feelings.
I need to run to the mountains and jump to the tallest tip-top and scream out my soul
until my brain echoes and time rewinds
and I can have impersonal close relationships and feel ok with being mediocre.
I want to fall from craggy cliffs into carnivorous waters
and live to drink delicious poison.
I want to be reckless and break some bones
and wake up in another country with a panda.
I just need to stop emoting and start being irresponsible.
May 2012 · 890
Magic Sand
Matalie Niller May 2012
I am not ferociously aggressive, but there are activities that I will not can not partake in.
I will not be a grammar-phile in poetry, for sometimes, a sentence just begs to end in a preposistion. Of.
I won't be the surrogate to the emotions you wish you had for me;
if you truly felt them, you would proudly show off the pregnancy bump, endure hours of painful labor and breastfeed those feelings until the inappropriate age of 2.
I refuse to lower my standards and waste any amount of any time with any man who can't appreciate:
sure, all men are created equally,
but over time they can warp,  change into slight congruence, and then become foreign, rude, selfish.
(Not all, ofcourse, but some, and that sum is one not worth crying or trying for).
I will never lead a boy into thinking he has my thoughts or affection
for such a crime is critically and clinically cruel
and I do not have the scalpel or shears to perform such inhumane procedures and experiments.
I do not believe I will ever have total peace, because I do not think such silliness is worth truly worrying about.
I think I could do almost anything else, like spit poison or turn myself into an inside-out person,
or maybe even solve a math dilemma
but staying stable for too long would make my molecules freeze like zero degrees Kelvin,
and I would turn into paradoxical nothingness.
May 2012 · 1.6k
Proficiency
Matalie Niller May 2012
To become one with all, one must lose
their ****, their wallet, their mind, their car keys
you must lose your sense of time and space so that it all becomes a dream
and you can't decipher up from left or hot from green
and you just sit
(or fall?)
until you fail and wail and bump against the grind stone 'til your skin errodes,
revealing muscle, which is weak when peeled away, to reveal
bone,  ground into flour for the cupcakes and bread et al.
Let their be fights, and strife
and lice and barium
because to accept all
you must love the disgusting, the heinous, and is that  what you want?
To accept all means to accept close mindedness, and chosen blindedness,
evils, weevils, steel easels,
do you really want that?
Yes.
Yes you do, if you want to become one with all.
I just want to forget the nulls and nuisances and sleep in peace and riot.
May 2012 · 1.2k
Mortimer
Matalie Niller May 2012
I enjoy the word "sweet," it accurately describes the succulence of your lower lip
I wish to ****
and bite, and bruise.
"Hard" is your body, lean and tough
and assumedly rough
intense
passionate, all those lovely sensual adjectives that cheesy soft-erotica novellas
(that I "don't read")
use to describe a Man on a horse,
or in a fireman's coat, covered in soot,
saving kitties and pleasing cougars.
You are quite the male that I crave,
absolute perfection in human form that tempts and tortures my guilty thoughts and heaving breaths
so that I feel like one of those helpless heroines who swoon over a sensitive, wounded man.
But God do I want to inflict wounds on you, and lick them clean.

You have been a bad boy;
go to my room.
May 2012 · 2.7k
Disappointment
Matalie Niller May 2012
Not sure why
I ever expect anything else
but I always manage to feel let down;
I know what I want
and I do nothing to get it except complain when I don't.
I know that I want to be happy
and what do I do?
I be sad, and afraid
and not very happy at all.
And why?
Because I have bugs in my brain that just love to make my life uncomfortable
and as unfullfilling as possible.
I want to be free and what do I do?
I become a slave to everyone and everything so that I am no longer me
but an image of passivity and repressed desires.
If I were free,
I would scream from the top of a building my opinions
and kiss that freaking stupid boy
and then do terribly explicit activities with him,
but none of that can happen
until I can accept myself and reject the possibility of disappointment.
May 2012 · 883
Iridescence
Matalie Niller May 2012
Tea that was once imaginary in the *** is tilted into her gilded, delicate cup.
Thin, like a butterfly's wing, the handle will crumble if  pressure is applied.
"Thank you," she whispers like a lovely little lady to her host, a giant stuffed rabbit.
He is missing a button eye and fluff is foaming out of one of his ear holes.
He nods, and rips a stitch turning away to greet another guest. Her eyes widen.
Fast forward to tye dye and LSD. She is in the mud, covered in rain and ****** fluids,
in a crowd of strangers-turned soul mates, swaying in the vibrations of guitar strings,
thumping palms and fists against rapidly disappearing ground that is no longer solid,
but liquid, Earth, and soon it will all errode until the molten metal core is revealed
and then
all will be one.
Rewind a few lifetimes, pause.
Others are watching from outside a glass cage.
She is inside, curious, observing the observers though aware of  why they stare.
She has a growth on her shoulder, a cyst the size of a sister,
a mini sibling not fully right or grown.
She is a freak for these onlookers, it is her job, duty and fate.
They laugh and grimace as a spot light focuses on her form(s).
She feels numb to the gaiety and exploitation, absent from the popcorn grins
and sticky cotton candy fingers leaving blue prints on her window looking in, so  she can not look out.
Record,
her children all know the moments of her past, the past she never can remember because it wasn't fully her,
but they feel it, in their hair, and their nails and their dreams
that their are their mother's problem.
May 2012 · 1.0k
Pleasurably Uncomfortable
Matalie Niller May 2012
I feel naked  in your eyes
skinned, dissected, analyzed
like you already know my thinking,
my secrets, the things I hide even from myself.
You must already know I'm a worrier, and I get high on anxiety like it's my ******* job.
You know that sometimes I make myself eliminate my meals in unhealthy ways to avoid love handles.
I'm almost positive that you know I feel naughty when alone at night and ease my frustration
while thinking of your body.
Your probing eyes
must see my weaknesses,
how I am only a human, a little girl who can not stand to be disliked yet will not accept affection.
Those eyes have seen my fears and insignificant dreams,
like how I wanted to teach immigrants to speak American and give my organs to small, sick children.
Your mind must have some opinion of it all,
all of me, my characteristics and problems and how they mate to create my personality and mannerisms.
I feel so judged and critiqued under your scientific stare,
but the way your eyes stay still and barren, void of all emotion
makes me feel that you are an epicenter of passion that craves to bite into my skin
and I want to let it happen.
Next page