I'm so tired of nothing but confusion,
And I'm so tired of all the using.
You just told me how you love me,
Yet then two days later you act like you want me to let you be.
So maybe you love me not,
Bc you made me feel like I'm not even a thought....
In your mind anymore,
You ignored me and made me feel everything less than adored.
So why tell me one thing but show me another?
Bc I'm not gonna sit here and smother...
You with all my affection towards you,
When I'm wasting my time and our time is pasted due.
If it's true and you're afraid to love me that's fine,
I'm not ever going to cross any lines.
To where I'd hurt you,
I'm just hoping you won't too.
Last night you made me feel something I didn't want you to make me feel,
I know that feeling too well...
It takes me back to hurtful places,
To where all my love went wasted.
I just don't want that to happen again,
But I want to be more than just your friend.
So don't think I'm not afraid to love again too,
I might not know everything but I know I'd like to be with you.

Idk why I would always be attracted to the ppl who were broken,
I have so much hope in them and want to help them open...
Their feelings again,
I want to make them feel safe so that their hearts can finally mend.
Only now that I stop and look back,
In doing so it only caused my heart to be attacked.
Do I even help them or do they only drag me down?
Thinking back you made my hope drown.
I thought I could help you,
Actually I was positive too.
Yet instead of you putting your wall down I let mine fall,
Giving you my everything hell I gave you my all.
I think this is something you like to do,
Torment woman until they feel blue.
Until they feel belittled and hopeless,
Then you leave them in a big ****** up mess.
Insecure, bitter and wondering how you fake love so well,
Making them sit back and dwell.
Let me just stop and say thank you,
For everything you put me through.
All I wanted to do was help make you feel,
Help you break down and feel something real.
Instead you made me realize that sometimes you end up changing instead,
Thanks to you I'll never let another man play with my head.
Now I no how to read manipulation in a second,
And now I know why you hated your reflection.
You can't deal with what you do,
At least what I try to do is true....
Pure, good, and right,
I'm not gonna let you take away the light.
That I have burning inside of me,
I broke loose from your grasp and now I'm free.
I'm gonna go on and help someone else who can actually be helped,
You wanted to change but you're gonna have to change yourself.

Sometimes I feel rain is good for the soul,
Watering me back to life making me whole.
Surrounded by ppl who do nothing but **** you dry,
It's nice to relax sometimes and let the day go by.
No worries for the day,
Not being bothered, tormented, or played.
Just you and your mind trying to make peace,
Stop your mind and go blank taking a deep breath and just release.
All the stress and all the care,
Feels so good to get a fresh breath of air.
Release the toxins of the body mind and soul,
Forget everything for this second and let it roll...
Right off your shoulders feeling less pressure now,
Listening to the rain drops falling and just bow.
Your head and finish with a prayer,
Thank you for today lord and for always being there.

I miss you so much it hurts,
Almost everyday that goes by I feel it gets worse.
You were not only my lover but my best friend,
I will be here for you until the very end.
Why? Bc I love you.
Yeah we would argue and yeah we'd fight,
But at the end of the day we were together every night.
Holding each other and laing in bed,
It didn't matter what ran through my head.
Why? Bc I love you.
You hurt me too many times,
But you know what it was apart of the  climb...
That built us up yet broke up down,
I don't know how many times I heard the sound...
Of me crying yet I let you back in,
I didn't care what you did I'd let you win.
Why? Bc I love you.
We were together for three years,
I didn't care about any of the tears...
That you made me cry.
It didn't matter as long as I had you,
I was there for you through and through.
Why? Bc I love you.
My wall got higher,
And my heart turned into a big fire...
That ended up burning you,
I guess karma finally paid its dues.
I ended up cheating Bc I didn't know what else to do.
I look back on it now and I regret having you feel the same hurt too.
Why Bc I love you.
I'm ashamed of what I did,
But then again I was a 19 year old kid...
I'll always love you but you don't understand,
In my heart you always be my man...
Why? Bc I love you.

It's crazy how people have to live off of alcohol or drugs...
You go to all these parties and they just want you to chug.
Not only to get drunk but it's supposed to help hide the pain,
But what really from it do you gain?
Popularity or a substitute to get by,
Waking up the next morning thinking why?
Why do I put my self through this?
To feel a moment of peace and bliss?
Yet when you wake up still wanting the same wish...
For happiness Bc that's what everyone wants,
Not to have your head filled up with taunts...
Of the past,
But do we ever honestly get past?
Of all the sadness and all of the hurt...
Looking back thinking was it really worth...
Suffering your body to feel numb,
Chugging down not only a bottle of ***...
But doing Molly or smoking ****,
Bc at that time thats what you thought you'd need.
Yet in the end we wake up feeling the same,
Bc in your mind you'll never forget his name.
Love is a strong thing and you'll never forget,
All the times you shared and the first time you met.
No matter what you take into your body it doesn't take away what's inside,
You need to let it out and you need to cry.
Don't turn to anything else but your tears,
You need to let go of all of your fears.
Trust in the lord Bc that's what's right,
And pray to him at the end of the night.
He's the only on who will get you through,
Everything you've been through Bc he was right there along with you.

Now a days there's too much drama,
And what come along with it is my dear friend karma.
Fool me once shame on you,
Fool me twice ima go coo coo.
I'm very forgiving most of the time,
But **** me over twice and I'll show you what's between the lines.
I'll get you back ten times worse,
You better hope karma gets to you first.
Oh but don't worry I won't physically hurt you,
But you gonna wish you were dead after what ima put you through.
Something they call hell I guess you can say,
You started the game so come on let's play.
You lost one thing that's hard to get,
It's called respect something you've never heard of I bet...
You lost a good friend,
That ***** for you.
I would have had your back til the end,
But that's another thing you blew.
That's something your good at right?
That's why you grabbed my mans **** that night.
Well here's something else you can blow,
My ******* Bc that **** was low.
Even low for a person like you,
We were best friends but that's not was friends do.
We were supposed to get a house together in the spring,
You can live in a cardboard box Bc your not a human being.
Your a snake,
And our friendship is something I can easily replace.

It's crazy how after almost two years I still feel lost without you,
You were my best friend for so long but our time was over due.
You were my first love and I'll never forget,
There's nothing about our relationship that I regret.
Except for hurting you,
But you pushed me so far away i didn't know what else to do.
That love for you will never go away,
I've thought about you so much today.
I wonder if there are times when you still think of me,
And if you do I hope you see...
The beauty in it all,
Instead of being hateful and continuing your wall.
I hope one day you forgive me,
And maybe then we can talk to on another and see...
How the other has been,
Listen to it all and just smile with a grin.
Talk about old memories we shared,
Think back and see how much we cared.
Then maybe realize that we still do...
You may deny it now but our love was something true.
You were my first love and I'll forever cater to you,
Even though you hide it from them and yourself you'll always love me too.
I had a dream about you last night,
Every time I do it always feels right.
Until I wake up and your still not here...
Just within an awakening eye you disappear,
Realizing your gone again makes them fill up with tears.
Never wanting to wake up and when I do I fear.
That I'll never see you again Bc that's the only time I ever do my dear.

Well there goes another chance for love,
Glad I kept my guard up that fits like a glove.
Protecting me from the pain,
I don't know if I'll ever let a man in again.
Yet again it ended in exactly one month,
I told you that you could be honest with me and that I'm very blunt.
I'm not gonna put my all into something that didn't feel right,
I had *** with you and you said it was just in the heat of the moment that night.
I shouldn't have given you that chance...
I should have made you work on your romance.
But good luck to you,
I guess what I gave you didn't do...
I hope you find the girl who won't make you feel like a fool,
Bc when I loose this weight it'll be hard for you not to drool.
Oh and just remember when that comes around I'll be gone,
So don't try to come back Bc just like chess your the pawn.
And I'm the queen,
You can't move backwards and you'll want to, you'll see.

I keep trying to find something to fill this empty hole,
But the more I try and fail the more it gets old.
Idk what to do but I try to keep moving,
Feeling like a lost soul wondering around asking myself what am I doing?
I feel so alone but I'm surrounded by ones who love me,
Feel like nobody cares but everyone try's to make me see...
That they need me in their life,
Most of them look up to me but others sneak behind me with a knife.
Maybe my purpose here is to lift others up,
But I can barely hold myself let alone all these other ppl it's tough.
I've tried to stand strong for quite a while,
I can't give up and leave a huge pile...
Of ppl who need me,
They are the ones who get me by daily.
I love them all too much to disappoint anyone,
But I'm starting to sink and I can't seem to see the sun.
I'm covered in darkness but they are my light,
I push the negativity away and try to do right.
Holding my breath and giving it all of my fight.
But its pitch black now and they are all out of sight.
Then I realize there's still someone I need,
God put me here for a reason and to him I'm his seed.
He talks me through and it waters my soul back to life,
See in the end he tells me there will be nothing left you have to sacrifice.
One day you'll have no misery as long as you walk with me,
He's says you see through me is the way that you will ever be free.

There you go again coming back into my life,
Bringing up old memories cutting through me like a knife.
Leading me on and knowing what your doing,
You don't want me to move on so you decide to keep *******...
Me over, and over just to keep me around.
I'm not trying to be anybody's rebound.
Especially not yours,
Bc for some reason I still want nothing more,
Than you be yours...
That's why I let you hold me in your arms,
Even though we know it's doing nothing but harm.
Well harming me at least,
You just wanted to know if my feelings for you have ceased
But now that you see  they haven't and you do what you do best and leave...
After all night you trying to make me believe,
That you actually just might care...
But you don't and you leave me lying there in dispaire...
Yet I still wait for another night,
That maybe just maybe you might...
Treat me like you do every once in a while,
And that's all I need to have that special smile...
The one you give me when your with me,
Treating me like you want it to be...
Just us two and nobody else with no regrets,
Until I wake up days later with still no texts.
I can't help but feel stupid Bc I know exactly what's going on....
But that's what happens when someone gets too close to your heart.
You made me feel like the ugly duckling that became the swan.
I've never felt so beautiful before...so no matter how long we are apart,
I know that my heart will always have an open door...
For you and only you,
But until then here I am stuck again feeling nothing but confusion mixed with the blues...

Well there I go declining another good man,
Who just wanted to be their for me and hold me in his hands.
Who treated me like a princess,
And all he wanted was nothing less,
Than for me to love him back.
It try and try to give my all,
But I can't seem to get past this depressing wall.
My heart was broken one too many times,
To where I can't put back the pieces Bc there's too many lines.
That don't match up and it seems like this puzzles never ending,
Hoping one day the right guy will come along to straighten it out and I get my happy ending...
But until then what do it do?
I feel like all I'm gonna do is push them away.
Will I learn to love him too?
Maybe one day instead of running I'll find the guy who makes me wanna stay...
I want that feeling back that we call love,
But I'm stuck under this wall an I cant seem to rise above....

They say it's the most beautiful thing,
But it can turn out ugly.
It gives you such a high,
But it can be the worst crash you've ever felt.
It's the best medicine you've ever had,
But it can be the deadliest poison you ever took.
Can make you never want a night to end,
To wishing there were no more nights to spend.
It makes you look forward to waking up the next day,
Or it can make you not want to wake up at all...
Nothing that can make you feel every single emotion.
There's nothing more powerful in this world than love.

Funny when your mind thinks one thing but your heart feels another,
After seeing you with someone else makes me wonder.
Why I have this feeling in my stomach,
A thousand nots tangled up it's makin me sick.
One minute I think I'm fine and don't need you,
Yet the next I catch myself crying and feeling blue.
I said I didn't like you but I'm starting to think I do...
Every time I kiss you it's like an electric shock goes right through me,
So many butterflies and thinking maybe we could be.
But my mind comes back and I hit reality.
I let you go twice for similar reasons,
Idk if this is something that will last or if it's just another season.
That will fade away into the next,
I no longer know what to expect.
My feelings seem to change everyday,
And every time I try to talk to you about it I just don't know what to say...
Maybe I just miss having someone care about me,
To hold, to love, and to talk to daily.
But I don't want to interfere with your new fling
So I'll sit back and let you be happy even though it still kinda stings.
Leaves you in a place that's not very sunny,
Turns out I guess it never really was funny...

There's this girl who was as happy as can be,
Until she got let down repeatedly.
Her ray of beautiful energy started to dim,
Her chances of caring about much got pretty slim.
She woke up one day and realized,
Finding happiness through yourself is idealized.
She came to her senses and decided to let the past go,
No reason to keep them around bc it's time that they should know.
She's done.
She deserves better and by cutting you off she's finally won.
Your silly little game you think you can play,
Keeping your ex around while your talking to a new girl is so cliché.
She deserves a man which clearly you can't be.
Grow up a little first then maybe you can keep a woman like me.
Have fun juggling girls,
But be careful my dare karma will take you for a whirl.
Needless to say I was that girl.
So here's my goodbye to you,
Coulda had a second chance but that's just another thing you blew.
Poor girl she doesn't even have a clue.
Well anyways now it's out with the old and in with the new...

It's all crazy to me,
How things turned out to be.
It was us two for so long,
But now it's only memory.
Ill never love someone the way I loved you,
You were my first love and to you I was true.
We used to fight a lot,
But now it's all lost.
No more you and me?
Because you had a "she" ,
Which lead me to have a "he".
Our love is no more,
As I took my last step out the door.
I thought my heart would be set free,
Never knew I'd be in such misery.
But what is life?
Without sacrifice?
A little bit of hurt here and there,
Eventually will come a fresh breath of air.
And then you'll realize,
That that was the best advice.
To turn and walk away,
Then to be unhappy and stay.
My heart was just as broken as yours.
But I'm starting to heal,
Because I learned to accept that this is real.
I love you no more,
And I'm picking up the pieces from the floor.
I'll find true love again one day,
Until then I'll bow my head and pray.

We live in a small town,
You said you were happy and no longer down.
So why did you do it?
You didn't have to give up and quit.
You have so many ppl that love you,
Now we are going what you went through.
A terrible loss of someone you cared about,
Never thought you'd ever take that route.
We will miss you terribly,
Never thought that this would be.
Have fun tearing up those golden trails up there,
We know you'll be watchin over us from up there.
Rest in peace my dear friend Kyle,
We will see you after a little while.
You got the whole town cheering "pin it to win it #10!",
We all just wish we could see you again...