I'm still picking up
The broken pieces of me
Be gentle this time

Only in darkness
Is it possible to see
Light at tunnel's end

It's only a dream
I'm no foolish girl
I will have to wake up
Eventually

The problem with dreams
As soon as you wake up
It's over

You can dream again
But it won't be me

Maybe I'm wishing
Just this once
Dreams could come true
But if I did
I would never tell you

Imagine me running around
A mad blur, hair standing on end
With pencils and things sticking out
Post-its go flying
And a stack of newspapers and magazines topples like a tower.

I'm forgetting something
I chew my bottom lip trying to remember
Then remember ten other things
But still can't grasp the first.

Really, I'm more organized than this
I insist
Everything in its place
Alphabetized, polished and underlined
All my little duckies in a neat row
Checked and double checked
Quality-controlled.

I drop one marble and madness ensues.
Maybe I can't live in a bubble
                 >pop<
And some chaos must tear through.

We all have our fears.
Run away and they chase you.
Embrace them, they wilt...

Put your cares on me, my son
That's why I am here
Give me your tears and sorrow
I have grown strong from carrying
A staggering load of them myself
It is a privilege I gladly accept

Let me take your fears and heartache
Your pain and sickness too
Ill gladly carry both mine and yours
Until you are strong enough
To handle them yourself

I am honored, my son
To wear your tears like a badge
All the best parents do
And when you are done crying,
I want to see that smile
Because you are too small to carry around these burdens
Put them all on me,
Thats's why I am here

Welcome to the hall of mirrors
In this crazy house of pain
Things make look a bit distorted
You may start to feel insane
It would feel like hornets buzzing in your brain.

It might look a bit unusual
But nothing's as it seems
There is no such thing as truth here
Though you've felt it in your dreams
Just let the razors cut you at the seams.

Come join me in the madness
In the fairy tales and lies
But beware you'll never leave us
Though the fragile body dies
And in the cold dark ground it lies...

I'm waking up
Your touch is fading from my skin
Familiar and distant at once
It was delicious and real
Painfully hot and magical
Sparks tracing through my flesh
Everywhere your skin touched mine
I believed it was real,
Your eyes convinced me
Though you didn't say a word
I was falling, spinning couldn't stop
Every cell in my body begged for it
I tangled you up with my hair fingers legs lips
And we fell giggling madly into the abyss
What a cruel trick to wake up and you are gone!
It was only a dream.

I knelt down
To scoop you up
With empty hands

Then watched fascinated
As you dripped through
My fingers

With a playful grin
I stripped down
And dove right in

In the shadows of branches
Without leaves
A lace pattern in the snow
Footprints of little birds
Before a stray cloud obscures the pale sun
The moment is gone.

Monster

There's a monster in my home
With a soul as black as death
He's lurking somewhere nearby
Waiting with baited breath

He'll jump out and attack me
When things don't go just right
He's waiting for just the moment
He wants to start a fight

This monster I know from childhood
Although his face has changed
And yet I let him in again
Am I the one deranged?

This monster hid it well this time
A devil in disguise
Until he reared his ugly head
It was too late when I got wise.

And now I'm stuck here in this house
He'll never let me get away
This monster thinks I owe him
A debt I can never repay.

I slowly descend into hopelessness
Wishing the day would come
When I could go away from here
And find my hearts true home

The monster lives off my pain you see
Built a wall I can never get through
The saddest thing is you'll never believe
The monster with me is YOU

Fish pond, iced over
Ringed with frosted trees, sleeping,
Come back to life please!

My heart, what happened to you?
I watched you fall apart
And slip through my fingers like sand.
So many times we've been through this but it never gets easier.
Just when the wounds heal
Fresh jagged tears appear.
I burn the past to dust
Watch the ashes blow far away
But it gives me no comfort.

My days, where have you gone?
I check you off like scratches on the wall of my cell,
In this prison of my own mind.
I realize I can never get you back but I will treat the next day with no more regard.
My days that have been for nothing.

My hands, why do you turn on me?
I abuse myself for never being good enough
And everything is my fault.
I don't deserve your gentleness
It's all saved for someone else

My mind, why do you betray me?
These thoughts are not my own.
They were planted by everyone I ever loved
Their words and actions cut like swords
Because I let them.
I trusted them not to.
Should have known better.

My heart, what happened to you?
I think you've turned to stone.
Nothing will ever grow again in your desolate scarred expanse.
I'm putting up walls and defenses to keep them out.
This is where I will be waiting.

Warning!! May cause excessive sweating, nervousness, dizziness, fainting, dry mouth, shaking, nausea, impaired judgement, insomnia and insanity. May be habit- forming. Withdrawal symptoms may include but are not limited to: chest pains, depression, lethargy, loss of appetite and suicidal feelings.

Inhale.
Make me
Your sustaining breaths

Exhale
Let it out
Let me
Be a release

To drink deeply,
Give to me
The longing and thirst
We share

Eat it up
I am here to
Sustain

You
Need me,
Don't
You

Locked up like a fortress
Behind rows of deadbolts
This is how I live.
Nothing good ever comes through.
I'm still learning this.

Every time I crack the door
Peeking out, hoping to see
A familiar or friendly face
It only causes me shame.
Did you see my secret pain?
I'm trying so hard to hide behind it.

My door swings on nothing.
I'm floating on it in a sea of confusion
Clinging on for dear life
Because it is all I have to keep me safe.
Only now I've lost the key
And there are millions of doors,
But none of them are mine.

Frantically I'm searching,
Screaming into the wind
As it tears my flesh with icy fingers.
But I think I've given up, it's hopeless.
Ill just let myself sink to the bottom.

*I'm awake now and the nightmare is over
But to my horror I'm looking in the mirror
And the nightmare is my life.
I'll just go check the locks
One more time.

Snap!*
Caught in your own trap.
Who's the spider, who's the fly?
See what happens when you lie?

Fight
Weave your web so tight
Twist it up it becomes your noose,
Beg your demons to cut you loose.

Run-
Aren't we having fun?
It's all a game we love to play
Until its done and you must pay.

What if one day
All of the broken hearts
Could find each other
And help each other
Stitch them back
Together?
I'm not sure how
Or why
Or where.
But people keep saying
Time heals all things
And that is a lie.
It is not okay
To make me go on
This broken.
I do,
But that's not the point.
Find me,
Maybe we can all
Figure it out.

Yeah I want to spit on you
You horrid worm beneath my shoe
You will do as I tell you to
Struggle squirm and suffer

Want to hear you say my name
Smear your pretty face with shame
Useless toy, you're all the same
Screaming crying pleading

Now clean it up, you're such a mess
Ripped and stained that pretty dress
Then toss you out with all the rest
Gutter refuse garbage

Wiped that smile off of your face
You don't exist, you've been erased
Vanished now without a trace
No one nowhere nothing

High upon a moonlit hill
We stand together, alone
We watch the people far below
Their hearts as cold as stone

Cold as ice, the night's wind howls
Her mournful song of death
Until the dawn the sun warmed earth
The dragon's fiery breath

We feel the light, the god-shed heat,
A song of mortal men
We hear the songs and feel the warmth
Until night falls again.

A smile for a kind word shared
A tear for secret burdens I bear.

A smile for the beauty surrounds
A tear for these two hands bound.

A smile to show I'm doing great
A tear because I know my fate.

A smile to cover up the pain
A tear, I'll blame it on the rain.

A smile so you will never see
The tears inside are drowning me.