She cries out at night hoping for
someone to tell her it's ok.
She doesn't love him, not like she thought she would. She believed she could make herself love again.
Wrong.
She has a broken soul held together by scars.
Numb.
Longing to feel again.

I close my eyes and my mind drifts into another world.
I can smell the gardenias.
I can feel the wind.
I can see the sunset over the hills.
That's how I know you're still with me.
I know we will meet again.

My journey as been a pretty wild one.
At times I wonder what it all meant. What did I learn? Does everything really happen for a reason?
Why did she come into my life? Why did he come into my life?
Lessons learned, yes, many lessons learned.
Hardened heart. No, too sensitive maybe?
No matter what it's MY journey. I wouldn't change a thing.

She lures him in with her seductive eyes
She gives him a taste of her sultry lips
She lets him feel her porcelain skin
For her pleasure, not his.
She doesn't want him. Just his kisses and touches.
She just wants to feel.
Why can't she feel?

I will NOT give up.
I will FIGHT
I will SWEAT
I will SUCCEED!

She lays there on his chest
His hands in her hair.
She whispers to him
This is dangerous.
He says,  don't let it get you.
Little does he know, he had me at the first bite of my lip.
It's too late.

I always said I was a caged bird
I started my family young, tied down
Reaching and anticipating the moment
I can spread my wings ...and fly.
Away.
A new place
A new start.
Wondering, Pondering.
What's next?

I'm lost in my mind. Trying to escape the thoughts that keep me awake. The why's the why nots, the what ifs.
So much more to do, more to learn, feel, see.
Have to write to get it all out. It can't stay in my head. I'll go insane.

"It's not you, it's me" he says.
Leaving me speechless as he tries to explain.
I hear nothing he's saying.
Staring off into the distance
Tears rolling down my face without even blinking.
I'm over him, I've moved on.
He says "Hey, how have you been. I've been thinking about you"
No
I'm not doing this again. "It's not you, it's me" I say.

He was, the first man I was with since my divorce.  The man who opened me up to a whole new world. Where is discovered a part of me I didn't know existed.
He stood me in front of the mirror as he undressed me.
His eyes never leaving mine.
Kissing every inch of my body, felt like it was my first time.
Sighs of pleasure being released as he took his time exploring my naked body with his hands and lips.
I turn around and look into his eyes and whisper "take me"

I lay in the field of flowers while the wind blows all around me.
Eyes closed to feel the breeze on my porcelain skin.
Drifting into a light sleep just enough to dream a little and hear the sounds of nature all around me.
It's days like this I need more.
Just me and the wind.
If only I can go where the wind goes.

She sits quietly, book in hand. Reading each line with intensity.
Sipping that sweet red wine that leaves such a succulent taste on her tongue.
Like his kiss, oh that kiss of his. So sweet, wet. His lips so soft.
Touches like velvet over my porcelain skin. Making my body weak.
Oh she misses that.
Now she's left with that bitter taste of goodbye.

It's not love
I'm trapped
How did I get here?
I saw you as an escape.  
Now I just want to escape.
The lies I tell myself daily.
It'll all be OK.  
I just want to run away.