I'm not myself today.

You always stand too close to my back
and your breath gives me chills.
If you don't want me

go away.

We look good together
and our smiles have the perfect frames
                                                     for kissing.
Since when did you get so thin?
and
your hands
are exceptionally soft today.
Your jokes  
            are so funny,
                                           and that's perfect,
because I've been looking
for an easy
way some to burn some calories.
Your *** is so good,
                                           and that's perfect,
but for different reasons.

Now that winter's over,
I feel heavy when I hold your  hand,
and the pressure of summer is hot,
and you're sweating all this                      hate.
I've got the feeling that
                                                             you want me
to
go
away.

And now that it's over,
I can look the sun in the eye,
but only because

("we're all stuck on our toes")
and

I'm stuck on my toes.

He watched her from across the street
She let the dishes pile up but always washed her sheets
He knocked on her door at midnight one time
He needed a bible for last seconds, so he gave her a dime
All she could find was her mother's lucky penny
So she prayed for his soul and she didn't pray for many
He came to her clean bed through her door jam the next day
She was uncertain why she had stayed
When he left he kissed her over the windowsill with splinters in his lips
She didn't kiss him back and he pulled at her hips
She spit in his mouth and drew blood from his tongue
So he fled quickly, and escaped with air in one lung
She shot arrows with her eyes from over her kitchen sink
She hit him in the back while he was sipping a strong drink
He drowned in his blood with glass still in hand
She burned his house down and cursed the ashy land
They took her away with silver around her wrists
But even naked behind bars, up her sleeves were still tricks

You were just standing around
waiting for me to forget my own tricks.
It's not like I was in the best state of mind
to be remembering them anyway.
I was holding my hands and bending my knees.
Swaying from side to side.
Watching a broken television from 1999.
(Wishing something good was on).

I know **** is artifical
but I still like to repeate it when you call.
I'm comfortable enough to *** infront of you,
but I'll never tell you those kinds of secrets.

My face is numb with fat
and whenever I try to talk,
my jaw breaks.
I can smell your gum with my eyes,
and it's delicious.

I'm screaming about religion
and telling you I'm gay.

Nothing is accepted,

and insults are just words without real meaning.
Sincerety isn't in the tone,

it's in the meaning.

I want my ideas to stand out
but I hate reading in italics.

Things are changing
and old feelings are fading.
Dying quietly in the corner
so as not to make a scene.
It happens to everyone

if you know what I mean.



I forgot how to write,
I forgot how to think,
I'm surprised I'm alive,
I forgot how to breathe.

frantic tired
your feelings spiral
like twisted hypnosis
its a sickly psychosis
that you enter head first
such insatiable thirst
and its hard
to stop
and keep going
to drop
life, and its flowing
through your fingers
say good bye
but it lingers
round your mind
like a french inhale
it never leaves your chest
in the shadows you are pale
hollow eyes seeking rest
and its hard
to breath
and keep going
to sleep
when you ache
deep inside your lungs
trying to not break
so you you take
another smoke
light the next one
with your last
trying here and there
to quit the reflux of your past
but its hard
to smile
and keep going
the bile
is rising
choke it back
and find the girl
to save you from this black
true ecstasy is human love
no more shall you lack

I just write.
Little, little, down.
Just a little though.
Because that's all I'm made of.
You could be the one that writes me down.
Don't you take me down though,
I'm already so low.
Digging myself out of love.
Is hard.

Little Ralph was born in gold
even though his brother cold
Little Ralph was fat and warm
and witches watched and held their scorn
Through tunnels rats all noble and high
Like teenage rebels addicts lie
Women always powdered their noses
and though they smiled tears fell like roses
Little Ralph was crowned in 1941
and though he tried tired work was never done
King Ralph was high, mighty and dumb
from secret rooms records played lies
and on all streets children died
Pregnant mothers bore no sons
and addicts needles turned to guns
King Ralph was blind and blinds were closed
Or eyes were shut or filled with roses
Streets were graves and mirrors were empty
King Ralph's pretty wife was hanging simply
Ralph didn't cry or hear or see
So evil he just let it be