My Mother, sobbing

In my bedroom asking me

Why I needed this

I think you

Wanted to forget so

Much

That you

Needed to

Forget yourself

And you cut

All those white lines

And spoke

All of those white lies

And I was too weak

To be your escape

And I think you

Would have sliced open your skin

And crushed your bones

To white powder

If you could

And I think I loved you

So much that

I would have too

I saw your house the other day

And someone told me

Do you know

That some of the richest

People live there

And I remember

Your bruises

That bloomed on

Your skin

When your dad was in town

Or the way your Mom

Came home late some nights

Wearing perfume

(To get groceries)

And how no one

Spoke of your older brother

But you always put flowers

On his grave

And I think

Some people are so poor

All they have is money

I hope you have more than that

I once

Closed my mouth

Long enough to see

All of my ribs

I waited to

See my hipbones

And then I waited

To see my collar bones

And I guess part of me waited

Just to know I was still there

I thought

We were going to ****

But it’s 2 AM

And you’re biting your lip

Telling me things

That you’ve never told anybody

And I’m telling you

All my awful secrets

And I feel ashamed

My breaths held back

And you’re eyes are shut

I bite my lip

Wishing I could take them back

But you open them

And look down at me

And I think that’s why I

Fell in love with 2 AM

You smiled because

You knew all my awful secrets

And you

Stayed anyway

My neighbors had a dog

Who loved

the little boy of the family

And would wait

Every day

For him to get back from school

And the little boy

Didn’t wake up one day

And even now

Years later I

Look outside my window

Pouring rain

Or blue skies

And see all the little kids

Get off the school bus

And that dog

Whose hair turned gray

Still waits

And you can call

But she won’t leave

Until the bus leaves

And I wish I could love something

Enough to

Wait forever

But I think

She loved that boy

So much

She forgot to love herself

I realized in

Church

Today

That

Even though you said you

Love(d)

Me

You are no martyr

And I shouldn’t

Have made you out to be

And you wouldn’t sacrifice

Yourself for anyone

Least of all me