Its a new grey day
wind is blowing
all the way.
Makes me suffer
and cry of pain.
My soul is burning
no purpose and meaning
only emptiness
my life is hopeless.
I am walking
in the shadow
in this grey day
without reason
to go ahead
and be strong
I guess.
I might have hope
but its small
as a grain
all black thoughts prevail.
Anyway I fight
inside me
to get those away
but the fear takes over
my life is hopeless.

I am strong
because I know
what I want.
Power flows
in my veins
and give me wings
and I will not complane.
No more sadness
no more tears
in the darkness.
I will survive
I will never give up


Make a wish
Do a push
every day
all the way


Hold on to love
fight for what you belive.
Take a chance
follow your heart
keep the good things in life.
No more sadness
no more tears
in the darkness
I will survive
I will never give up.

My sweet grandson Mathias
with eyes so blue
as the coral sea.
And when he smile to me
I discover the whole new world.
Magical feeling envelops me
when we are together
and I show and give him
much love and care.
When he reaches his hands to me
and says: Momoo..
It warms my heart with joy
and gives me strength
to belive and be strong.
I love him from the bottom
of my heart
He shows me that is worth
to live
when I have experience
and quality time with him.

Rock me babe
wild and hard
move me fast
never stop
Rock me babe
wild and hard
Close your eyes
and see the light
shine so bright
in your eyes
sweetest smile
Rock me babe
wild and hard
Link to the song: Rock me babe
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/rock-me-baby

Lost in you
When I see you
I fell so deep in love
I am lost with you
in the ocean blue
Only sea of time
will shows the way
to a secret place
deep in my heart
Deep in my heart
I am lost in you
I am lost in you
in the sea of love
and every single day
I belive more in you and me
maybe thats the way
it should be
Deep in my heart
I am lost in you
Link to the song:Lost in you
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/lost-in-you

Early sunday morning
the day is great
the sun is out
the birds are singing
you sleeping next to me
You would be
the first thing I see
in the morning
I love you
would be the first thing I say
You open your eyes
with smile in your face
I bring you black coffee
we talk and we make love slowly
and I just want to make love with you
all day long
I just want to
waste this sunday morning
laying in the bed
holding you
and telling you
that youre all I need
Link to the song: Early sunday morning
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/early-sunday-morning-1

I am trying to hide
the way I feel for you
The way I love you
and all my feelings
are so real
I look into your deep eyes
and dream away
And I just want you
next to me
You can hide your soul but not your love
Maybe its time for you to know
Ive been trying to find
who am I
running away from all my fears
Now we are together
and it never will be better
Link to the song: Hidden love
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/hidden-love

Dark clouds
cover the sky
as the raindrops
roll down my face
I see your face
we are in love
I fly
above everything
my wings carry me
I fly
above everything
I fly high
for the one I love
Dark clouds
cover the sky
as the raindrops
roll down my face
we are in love
Your green eyes
I see only the warm sun
You look at me
through the dark clouds
you shine through
above the clouds
I fly
above everything
my wings carry me
I fly high
for the one I love
Link to the song: Dark clouds
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/dark-clouds

I met a nice lady


I met a nice lady
at the new plase
where I am admitted.
She was older then me
but in her eyes I could see
the glimpse and kidness
and spirit full of life.
We sat together late at night
and it was cold outside
but we talked for houers
we share our life stories.
Mishaps and difficult moments
wich left its mark in bouth of us.
I liked her from the first time
I felt it was something
in common between us.
Bouth of us had experienced
a lots of pain
but she gave me a little hope
to keep and hold the small
joys in life
and never give up
was her advice

Screaming in the dark
Suddenly the bright
blue sky turned dark
I love to sit and watch
the colour of darkness
Shadows everywhere
whispers in your ear
The sky is so dark
now I am screaming
in the dark
Shadows everywhere
whispers in your ear
and when I think about it
the darkness scares me
The sky is so dark
now I am screaming
in the dark
Link to the song:Screaming in the dark
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/screaming-in-the-dark

You are the one
I wanna see first in the morning
You are the one
I wanna kiss good night
Everyday
I feel the breeze touches my face
it should be me and you
I want to tell you how I feel
whispering your name
Link to the song: The first kiss of love
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/the-first-kiss-of-love-1

Yeah...
Link to the song: Yeah
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/yeah

Rain is pouring down
my ear hears the sound
dancing in the rain
Bring me down
like the pouring rain
Lay me down
love me over again
So let the rain
come pouring down
let us close our eyes
and feel this moment
Feel the raindrops
roll down your face
its a beautiful night
my heart is singing
I feel it
I am by your side
I am happy
only when youre around
Link to the song: Rain is pouring down:
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/rain-is-pouring-down

Thoughts revolve in my head
sometimes good , sometimes bad.
I feel like I am in carousel
that rotates endlesly
arousing my fantasy.

Sometimes it relives me
but increases my fear.
swetty hands and dificult to breathe
try to push away but it resist.

I become tense
emotions is raging inside me
because Im very sensitive.
And its dificult to get peace.
Usually it helps to get it out
in form of lyrics to show how I feel
with hope to get a positive refill.


Doctors try to cure and control the thoughts
in my head with medication and therapy.
But is it good to get stable
without passion for my creativity?
Without compasion and possibility
to discribe and explane how I feel...

I am falling down
into that deep darkness
I feel weak and broken
I am a shadow of my self
Dark kisses touches my face
let the darkness swallow me
I am so use to pain
and its drive me insane
The  taste of hope
is disappeared
I guess I must swallow the pain
and wait til it end
No escape
No hope
Just darkness
I cry in the dark
with broken heart
I look at the mirrow
I stare at my self
just like my soul
dark and empty
I am falling down
where the darkness
surround me
I guess I must
swallow the pain
and wait til it end
No escape
No hope
Just darkness
No escape...
Link to the song:Depression
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/depression

I had a dream
you were there
right beside me
Alone in the room
you and me
You kiss me
again and again
whispered in my ear
I love you
Every night
before I close my eyes
I keep on staring at the sky
Wishing you are with me
With you I can be who I am
you are my everything
Dream is a dream
dream stay a dream
because I love to dream

Link to the song: Dream
https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/dream

Follow your way
push everyday
Like the ocean
deep and dark
blue wave of light
makes you breathe away the pain
Feel the heat in the veins of love
I close my eyes
and you are right there by my side
Like dark blue wave from dark blue sky above
What do you see?
What is your wish?
I want to hold you
close to me
Link to the song: Dark blue wave

https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/dark-blue-wave

I am inside a bobble
surrounded by trobble.
Like falling into abyss of a cliff
where is difficult to breathe.
I am tired to be criticized
everyone is giving me advice.
And its hard to realize
That I am week
and it made me sick...

Did you ever
look at sky
and try to dream away
Did you ever
feel the wind
whispering your name
Did you ever feel

heart beats faster

Did you ever know
my love for you
just grow and grow
You and me
we are meant to be
one simple word from me
could change your life
I love you more then everything
Did you ever
look into his heart
and wish you were there
Did you ever love me
did you ever care
like I do
You and me
we are meant to be
one simple word from me
could change your life
I love you more then everything

Link to the song : Did you ever

https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/did-you-ever-2

I fell in love
with your eyes
blue devil eyes.
They melt me baby
like sun melts the ice.
Blue was just a colour
until I fall
in love with you
Now when I look
into your eyes
when you kiss my lips
I fall more and more
in love with you.
I need you so much
I need you so badly hard.
Follow me
my love
into the deep blue sea
I can show you love
my dream of desire.
Now when I look
into your blue devil eyes
when you kiss my lips
I fall more more
and more in love with you
I need you so much
I need you so badly hard.

My good friend

I got to know you
from a place called wikiloops
where musicians  meet
to share their music talents
and to jam together many houers.

Bruce Maag my good friend
youre there always for me
to talk and to comforting me.

When I fall down
youre helping me
like good friends do.
Stand together
and thats the way it should be.

We played a lots of song together
We shared ideas and feelings.
through the music,creativity and spirit,

And I feel it, we inspire  each other
every moment.

Thank you so much
for being my friend Bruce Maag.

Early sunday morning
the day is great
the sun is out
the birds are singing
you sleeping next to me
You would be
the first thing I see
in the morning
I love you
would be the first thing I say
You open your eyes
with smile in your face
I bring you black coffee
we talk and we make love slowly
and I just want to make love with you
all day long
I just want to
waste this sunday morning
laying in the bed
holding you
and telling you
that youre all I need

Link to the song Early sunday morning: https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/early-sunday-morning

Breathe in
Breathe out
Take a deep breath
keep breathing...

This is the link to the song Breathing:  https://soundcloud.com/martinavenkova/breathing

I could escape
far away
I found my escape
when Im with you
Missing you
youre tender
loving touch
Missing you
Your deep green eyes
burning with
so much desire
could set me on fire
Missing you
youre tender
loving touch
Missing you

Tomorrow Im
leaving this place
were I dont belong at all.
Strangers walks in the corridor
everywere I look and go.
Faces starring at me
and its very uncomfortable to see
and it feels like agony
never ending apathy.
I hope the new place
will be better for me
maybe motivate me perfectly
to continue faithfully.
Appreciate each day
with new hope and lust
and all of this I think
its a must.

Broken dream

When I was little girl
I dream about everything
in this world.
But most of all
I got addicted to music
escape myself
through melody
and piano tunes
full of fantasy.
I fall in love with my piano
my fingers playful dance
on the keys.
I felt myself so high
like I was touching the sky.
I play always from the heart.
When I get older
my dream was still there
getting stronger.
I sing a lot,make songs
and it touches people heart
so strong.
I was happy and satisfied
with my wishes, with my life.
Then I start to travel to the North
to a country so beautiful
with a lots of fjords
and mystic norwegen woods.
I work there as a piano enterteiner
and my dream was stil alive
shining trough the magic
of the music.
I met a man
and he was kind and so polite
he had a good heart this time.
He wanted to take care of me
but he didnt like that
I work out late at night.
I got four children
with the years go by
so beautiful  this feeling
to be a mamma and to care
to give infinitely love and share.
But then the worst thing happen
I  put my music away for a while
my deram was broken
with words unspoken.
Years passed by
but I still wonder
what happend that time
when my ambition and dream  get broken...
Any way I still keep
making music today
but its not the same
my dream was broken
today its only a hobby

I see fire
in the dark sky
the night is close to come
I am hiding
waiting for you
to see those
beautiful green eyes
and tell
I love you
I am waiting for you
I am longing to see you
to spend my days with you
I am hiding
waiting for you
to see those
beautiful green eyes
and tell
I love you

I am standing at the cross road
and I am lost.
Dont know wich way
Im going to choose.
I am confused in my head
thoughts are running
and I canot get rest.
Canot sleep and canot eat
only anger and pain there exist.
Like a labyrinth impossible
to find the way out.
I am tired and lost
falling down and trying
to get up again
never freedom for my brain.
How can I survive
this circumstances
feel like nobody understands me
The doctors ask me ?
How you feel today?
And I answered:
I dont know... each day.
I repite the same thing
without hope, without trust.
Im trying to resist the pain
evil thoughts runs in my veins.
I am loosing my identity
I feel like nobody
and it scares me...

I can see the storm
on the horizon
Dark clouds on the sky
the wind blows
drowning all sounds
youre as wild as a storm
closer and closer
the thunder comes
across the sky
I miss you more and more
Our love is like a
sweet blue rain

I need you
to stay with me
please never go
youre the light
in the dark
follow your heart
Stay with me
is all I need
Let us be together
make me
never want to leave
you mean
everything to me
Smile and care
keep me safe forever
Stay with me
is all I need

How lovely
a cloudy day can be
feel the wind blow
breeze touches my face
My eyes watch the sky
love me
on a dark and cloudy day
You my love
are the sun
on a cloudy day
You touch my heart
and clear my soul
Its gray cloudy day
I love the rain
falling down
from the sky
I love the rain
and the gentle touch
on my face
Love me
on the dark and cloudy day
You my love
are the sun
on the cloudy day
You touch my heart
and clear my soul

I feel powerless
the sorrow covered me
I feel the agony
takes over me.
My heart is tearing apart
its so painfull and so hard
I am depressive...
Hopeless I swim in sadness
I want to run away
from this madness.
I feel like a looser
without faith and hope
without ambition and love.
I am scared
I am screaming for help
I am hidding my self
from this world
and this place
to be alone by myself
Only river of tears
burning soul full of fear
and I try to push away
and it hurts me all the way.
And this little spark of hope
searching always
because I am lost.
But maybe one day
not so far away
the sun will shine for me
and I will be ok

Do you remember
the day we meet
it was on the winter
cold cloudy day
we look at each other
fire burns in your eyes
Just give me a sign

Just give me a sign
tell me youre mine
just give me a sign
lets make love
all the time

Can you imagine
we are flying high
touching the sky
flying high from the ground
Burning desire
is on my mind
Stay with me

My heart is on fire
growing burning
in my soul
Baby get me higher
We share so much
between each other
I wish to feel you
forever and ever
My heart is on fire
nothing can get me higher
my heart is on fire
We burn
harder then fire
nothing can burn us out
nothing but love
we burn harder then fire
nothing but love
is stronger then desire
My heart is on fire
nothing can get me higher
my heart is on fire

I was feeling lonely
sitting in my room
feeling emptiness
and its scares me
The wind blows
cold fresh air
the wind blows
The voices in my head
runs fast
I can hear them
they are everywere

Lonely night
the stars shines bright
But I am alone
sitting in my room
thinking of you

Alone again
sitting in my room
feeling emptiness
and its scares me
The wind blows
I keep mooving and I know
we will be together soon

Lonely night
the stars shines bright
But I am alone
sitting in my room
thinking of you
dreaming...

Its early october morning
its very quite here
and I am bored..
Watching the fireplace
and ruminate about
everything I guess...
Flames are dancing
lightly and playful
and its realy so cool.
The heat trys to rap
my body,wants to warm me
help me,save me.
Give me faith
to forget my past
and move on fast,
but I feel so cold inside
confused mind and
restless heart.
It was another restless night
in the mental hospital.
I am done...

When you meet an idiot
you understand at once
his stupid state of mind,
and nothing compares
to an idiot who always
think hes right.
When you begyn to discuss
with  simple words
it feels like you are
throwing a ball against the wall
and the ball returns to you
with no meaning or point of view.
Feel the anger growing,burning
in your chest,like a nightmare,
and the idiot dont care.
He keeps explaining to you
the same ****
and this is all you meet.
When you meet an idiot
just run away
dont look back
and dont regret.

I wish you were here
my best friend
with green eyes so clear.
I can swim in them
and feel the warmth again.
Tears of happiness
roll down my face
waves of emotions
like the blue,big ocean
fill my heart with desire
set me fri, get me higher
because our love is like fire.
Deep inside my heart
I am longing for your touch.
Gently hands,touches me softly
lips of temptation
what a beautiful creation.
of tenderness and happiness.
We are in love.
When I am closing my eyes
I can see the starts in your eyes
shines so bright,with endless light.
When I open my eyes
I can face it, it feels right
but I am alone in this moment
far away from you
and thats the truth.
I am longing for you
I wish you were here
with me ...

Searching for hope
to belive and be strong
to keep moving on and on
and see the things
I do wrong
like to see the full storm
in my heart,my broken soul
feel the pain
growing faster in my veins
accept the worst
and anyway keep the fight
for a better life.
Thoughts are running in my head
faster then the heartbeat
everything I dream about
disappears in the dark cloud
How can I belive
that anything can change?
Make a wish from
the bottom of my heart
with a new light
with a new start
I am searching all the time
sometimes I am up
sometimes I am down
waiting for a miracle to come...

I am sitting in this white room
watching the bright full moon
so far away and still so near
make me wish to disappear
from this world, my pain and fear.
No words can describe how I feel
only river of tears and emptiness

I am lost in the darkness
my heart is full of sadness
sitting in this white room
staring at the wall
no way to control
my mind is twisted

My heart is full of scars
like night sky with stars
my thoughts running fast
my soul is bleeding in the dark
No sign of hope
nothing is changing
only moonlight shines so bright
in this lonely,silent night