If religion did not exist then man would invent it.

Religion did not exist so what happened, man invented it.

She minds her little sister
Babysitting in the woods
Flowers bunched up in her hand, primroses perhaps
Devoutly kneeling, she offers them to the child
As hair flows down her back
A long blonde waterfall

The child with open arms
Learns how to receive
And how to give

In a corner a written plea
Take me now for twenty quid
Reduced from twenty five

Unloved, unvalued even for the frame
Now rescued from indignity
And lifted from the skip

-After Diana-                                              
The paparrazi are nobody's friend            
It all seems such a pity
He shouldn't have trained his big long lens
On her poor little Bristol Cities

-After Maggie-
When the daisies push up with Maggie beneath
To mark her grave will be taking a chance
For some may come to lay a wreath
But others will come to dance

-After the war-
The Argentine girl was all smiles
All went well between us
I didn't mention the Falkland Isles
And she didn't say Las Malvinas

Solo Atlantic rower
Oarsome!

Jlo rows Atlantic
Arsome!

Take a butchers at this me old Chinas.
Slip ya Plates o' Meat into ya Jacks,
brew up a nice cup o' Rosy,
and if you haven't got a ****** what I'm on about,
feel free to fire me off a Jimmy Nail
and tell me it's a load of old cobblers.

Can you Adam an' Eve it,
I left me Dog 'n' Bone on the Apples
and when I went to call the Trouble 'n' Strife
some joker had Half-Inched it.

But that's not the worst of it.
When I got back to the Cat and Mouse
she'd done a bunk in me shiny new Jam Jar.
I couldn't believe me Pork Pies!

So here I am all on me Todd,
me only transport a ****** old **** van ****.
Gordon Bennett!
I'm goin' down the ****** for a few Britneys,
gonna get totally Brahms and List
and blow a big fat raspberry at the whole thing.

Tomorrow's another bale 'o' hay.

That day when 96 fans died
Through their teeth the police
They lied

They tried to give the fans the blame
Now hang your heads
In utter
Utter
Shame

The time may come to say goodbye
Who knows when
Who knows why

But for now let's have some fun
Can I play bongos on your ***?

Jay                                                                      Horatio

By the door in the flower ***                            The man who planted all these trees
Among the beans in the veggie plot                Alas I knew him well
In the lawn, everywhere -little oak trees-         He did not see them to maturity
Do you know who puts them there?                How long our years we cannot tell

I've only ever seen it once                                  Now strong and spreading to their prime
He does it when you're not around                  They seem to thank him for their chance of life
He does it taking lots of care                             In gratitude they sway and soar
He puts an acorn in the ground                        And breathe for him as he can breathe no more

He thinks he's coming back to it                      We thank the Jay for acorns
When he feels the need                                      Unwittingly he sows
But mostly he forgets                                         And plant like him we must
So germinates the seed                                       Although like him we may not see them fully grow

                                       As I look up at this fresh green canopy
                                             I think of all the tiny saplings
                                                   And of what will be

I say hello, and how are you
She says the weather's warm

I say I like your hair that way
She says approaching storm

I speak to her, she speaks to me
In our special way

I expect you see her too
Even down your way

She half turns and strokes the sky
I give a little sigh

Shows off her huggy little curves
I'm thinking  my oh my

She waves her hand across the map
Talking high and low

Where she goes to afterwards
I don't really know

I think I'm in love with the weather girl
I see her every day

And that for now is really all
I have left to say

Bounty snatched and safely stashed
         Bare the yielded land
Fringed wilderness displays her wares
   Palms open outstretched hand

      Tawny millpond stubble seas
         are lifted wave by wave
  Mechanically exposed, tossed over
     Broken, pummeled flat again

     Cool the calm September days
     Winter clothes as yet we shun
Creeping through our summer weave
Dead men's fingers tell of what's to come

.                  Bad news from doctor                 .
             won't make old bones after all
.                   All goes too quickly                    .

Over the years I've had a few tries
But it's not been a great success
Enthusiastic but lacking technique
Finishing up a bit of a mess

Now Brendon's out there, plying his trade
He's only twenty three
Done it at college, passed his grades
So he can do it properly

Earning the money, stashing away
To buy a place of his own
Sure he'll get there, for as they say
Where there's a will there will be a way

His girl is local, she does people's hair
He says in her head there's nothing but air
Calls her the missus, she's only eighteen
Like an old married couple to some they seem

She rides with him in his scruffy old van
She'd prefer a comfortable car
She wants to leave home as soon as she can
So likes to see him work hard

As the day ticks away we mardle
He knows an old flame of mine
I say yes, I know her quite well
But not seen her now for some time...

The grand design moves forward
We've had a laugh and a chat
All paid up, thanks for your help
In a month or so he'll be back

You know that when we run
We go like hell
Not to be the straggler, it's in our nature
You can tell

Jockeyed up with colours bright
The tension mounting now
We spring out through the starting gate
Streaking past the crowd

Now it's all about the money
For those who placed their bets
For us the bit, the kick, the whip
To make us give our best

This time you've driven me too hard
A trip, a stumble, a broken leg
Too bad. A curtain round, the white coats come
Put a bullet in my head

No sense being sentimental
That's the way it is
C'est la vie, par for the course
In the life and the death
Of a working horse

-          Wheel turns full circle           -
       Don Quixote would approve
-          Windmills used again           -

-         imagination              -
in a boundless mind endless
-          possibilities              -

Races run
Medals won
Now before you go back across the sea
May I ask if you'll take some time
And come with me...

Let me say what's on my mind,
I find it hard to be too subtle
The sight of all that muscle
Turns my head I find...

I'm really thinking legacy
Specifically from  you  and me
I'm so glad we have connected
Could we perhaps play catch-up on the bits neglected...

We could take it nice and slow
Pop some corks, lights down low
Then dive into the midnight pool
Stir some genes around

Hell really, what's a girl to do
When her ideal partner's found?

I have this ticking bio clock
So will you fire me off the starting block?
This is what we could do-
Make olympic champion 2032

Did you see that Usain Bolt
The surname sure fits there
Yeah, not bad thinks Dusty dog
But can he catch a hare?

That long jump champ, well done mate
You're better than the rest
But any Ozzie joey
Would hardly be impressed

Those divers, back flips in the water
Splashing two by two
Any dolphin anywhere
Could make you look like fools

So it is with everything
Try as hard  we might
Mind, I've not seen anything
Go quite as quick by bike

If a camel challenges you to a drinking contest just say no thank you.

I met a young camel from Tralee
Who could down fifty pints easily
He never got drunk
It went to his ****
And he never went for a wee

I won't be goin back there, 'tis a near certainty, you can be sure o' dat now.

We couldn't see, we didn't know
We were just actors in a play
A play that would never open
Or see the light of day

We thought we were in love
We told each other so
Perhaps we were, but something changed
What it was I didn't know

We talked about the future
How our love would last
Now for you and me
There is no future
Just a distant past

We didn't get as far as rings or shiny suits
In fact we didn't give each other anything
Till you gave me the ever so delicate
Ever so dainty
Shiny
Little
Boot

This compulsion to share
What we feel, what we think
To open our hearts in permanent ink

This primordial urge
To do what we do
Where does it come from
Can you give me a clue

Do you remember your very first line
The very first time for you
Did the moment just flow
Was it so long ago
Did the duck go to water
Or the lamb to the slaughter
For you

To share is real nice
But it's for ourselves that we write
Maybe it's just our way
To stay afloat
So we can cope
With the junk thrown at us every day

As a young girl she was grumpy
All the boys thought she was dumpy
Then she got fit -
Here's the best bit -
Now she runs for her country!

Working all alone today
I cannot help but smile
No distractions
No disturbance
My thoughts can range for backstreet miles

The hay is cut, the weather fine
Work is going well
Drifting over ripening wheat
The sound of village bells

A bucket dipped into the pond
Brings glitter lentil soup
No traffic noise, no people here
Just insect buzz and pigeon bill and coo

Today a day of solitary
Today a day for poetry

I met a priest from Guyana
Who's fond of his marijuana
He says even the Pope
Stashes some dope
He calls it a gift from the Father

We awake to morning sounds
Of pavements washing down
Everyone's a trader
In this terracotta town

Wander through the winding streets
Drink in sights and sounds
A trader or an artist
In this terracotta town

Time to find a slice of shade
Siesta hour has come around
All is quiet, all is still
In this little tourist town

The waiters they are waiting
No-one wears a frown
Everybody holds a stake
In this their terracotta town

The fishermen are coming in
The sun is going down
We hold onto a painted pebble
To remind us of the peace we found

Oh for a life of mirth, without an increasing girth!

Lie back think of England
Tuck into toad in the hole
Cider with Rosie,  peaches and cream
Juggle dumplings scoring a goal

Oats in the nose-bag, flip-flop away
Doggie do in the park
Scream shout, dip in and out
On the side after dark

Wellies squidgy in the mud
Carpet burns tickling trout
Marigolds in the soap suds
Eyes askew, up the spout

That shooting star the other night
You said it was a sign
I think it was our satellite
'Cos I can't get online

That shooting star the other night
You said make a wish
I wish I had, I would have said
Please don't hurt our dish

There was a young man from Zagreb
Whose pencil ran out of lead
He went to the quack
Whose answer to that
Was use a biro instead

There was a vicar from the Tyne
Who put all his sermons online
A woman wrote please,
I'm weak at the knees
Here's my address, what's thine?

The Prime Minister went for a walk
Invited a woman to talk
She said  "If you want a bang you can jolly well scram"
He said  Do you know who I am?"

She has a clever way with words
Says it how she feels
What you see is what you get
No messing that's the deal

A poet's eye for observation
Always taking stock
Toast not buttered to perfection
Jellyfish in the dock

She carries us along with her
We share her swings and dives
And see ourselves reflected
In this woman's eyes

Her feistiness, her generosity
Is often what I see
Perhaps one day I'll say hi
Milk, no sugar in my tea!

And she's funny too!

Qu' est-ce que c'est, ce bruit                                                                        
Que j'ecoute au millieu de la nuit?                                                        
Ce n'est pas grand, c'est tout petit                                                          
Mais c'est la, dans le jardin                                                                      
Quand je suis sur mon lit                                                                        

Le matin nous levons une grande pierre                                                
Et la, assis sur son derriere
C'est un crapaud, un petit crapaud
C'est lui, la source de notre mystere

Desormais je dormirai content sur mon lit
Je vais dire au crapaut
"Chantes pour nous,
                                    bonne nuit, bonne nuit."

See the young one's shining face
Freshly joined the human race
Chubby cheeks and wrinkled ***
Flailing arms and little tum

A life of learning lays ahead
But rest for now your weeny head
What this miracle will be, who knows
With his tiny hands and feet and snotty nose

Stop your mewling now be calm
You're coming to no harm
I'll hold you for a little while
Although your shrieks do cause alarm

Why choose now, oh little one
To exercise those fearsome lungs
And then projectile squirt
Green ***** on my nice clean shirt

I'll hand you back, you look much better
In your mother's arms
I feel I am immune alas
To your supposed charms

Quiet now, would I hold?
If you don't mind I will refrain
If I may be so bold

Left with an odour, a downright smell
I must confess
I don't do babies very well

What relief, they've gone away
Give me a dog any day

The Bishop of Edinburgh has lost his faith
Now he tweets instead of prays
At least he can be sure there is someone
               Out there

Cupid puts his arrows
     like his targets
       in a quiver

.                                        sit down
                                   take some time
                            lay your hand in mine
                    feel the tension seep away, let go
                       rest the body, heal the mind
                                 let oxytocin flow

.
  She stood there naked,
still slightly embarrassed,
     without make-up.

My metaphor is better for the bin
My simile just says silly me
A joke, lost in translation
Wood, hidden by the trees

So I talk to the wind
Panning truths which dry to sand,
                     falling ashen.

Look to the cloud's lining
                     filing away like smoke

Out of time, out of sorts
Caught in a vortex
Time ganging up
Clogging, fogging

Come back mojo

.
       The search goes on for life
    outside our sphere of knowledge.

A galactic researcher expresses his desire
         for answers before he dies.

  He might have to settle for afterwards.

I must have been missing something
Without realising
Scares me a bit
How much I think about you now
How I would miss you if you were gone
I'd be ok, I'd be fine
Go back to like before
Tickedy boo
Without you

But I would feel a loss
I'm not the only one to feel this way
I think you feel it too
I'm surprised
I have become a partial prisoner
Before my very eyes
A willing hostage
Going for a ride

.
      weather disappoints
union flag drips rain drops
       spirits undaunted


           continuity
sixty years not a foot wrong
  wave your flag for her

.      
      big fat juicy worm                                  
blackbird fighting for his prize                
       tug of war ensues                                    


    storm discarded twigs
slow water under the bridge
   play poo sticks with me

Help me dig this tough old plant
roots all mats like a rasta's head
flowers look alright I grant
but it aims to dominate this bed

Blooming with a pretty yellow
don't remember by what name
dig it up with me good fellow
it's become a proper pain

Strongest fork, in real deep
coming out like rotten teeth
every bit now, fossick down
go to hell, what's this we've found?

Clanking heavy rusty metal
tumbles from the fork
that my dear - now I could be wrong -
looks rather like a blinkin' bomb!

So I made the call
local bobbies came look see
took a photo, got i.d.
then we made a cup of tea

Call the bomb squad, you can never tell
firing X-rays, diagnosis solid stable anti-aircraft shell
that was it, they took it away
the end of our unusual day

they don't read poems
poor souls, scratching and headless
don't write them either


country lane bike ride
T-shirt flapping like a jib
three sheets to the wind

Obama fulfills his destiny
  as the president born
        to campaign.

migrant in the trees
what language is he using?
willow warble-ish!


young brood of blackbirds
panic stations, screech alarm!
sparrowhawk about


two ears above wheat
lower slowly as we pass
pretend not to see!

play me love's music
harmonise our hearts'  tempo
practice every day

Shoot at us and we'll be gone                                                             ­                Minnesota     2921
We'll never be your friend                                                           ­                        Idaho               705
But now the rage has gone away                                                             ­          Wisconsin        690
We're coming back again                                                            ­                       Montana         566
                                                             ­                                                                 ­Wyoming        343
Just a lonesome wanderer loping through the night                                         N.Carolina      120
Or an alpha leader followed by his pack                                                           Arizona              29
We're claiming back what's ours by right                                                         California             1
The wolves are coming back!                                                            ­                  Alaska         10000
                                                           ­                                                                 ­   Canada         52000   (2011 numbers)

sap rising, buds swell
pink flush showing on may bush
blossom confetti

don't pluck my heart strings
they only play sad music
      anyway it hurts

voices everywhere
hedges like the internet
 tweeting all the time

build our nest with love
line it with forget-me-nots
stay all summer long