"Aren't you going to write something today martin?"
-No shut up-
"You really ought to you know."
-Why? I don't have to write something every day. Anyway, who are you?-
"I'm your muse."
-Well it's your job then. Come on, 'a'muse me ha ha.  I'm waiting. Cough up or shut up.-

"Don't you think you're being slightly unreasonable? As your muse I can give you an idea but you have to run with it. I don't present it as a fait accompli do I?   So now, how about a limerick?"
-Go on then-
"What do you mean go on then? What's on your mind today?  The sea, the stars, the sky, outer space?"
-Just you at the moment muse.  Ok, just listen to this then leave me alone.-

                   My useless excuse for a muse
                   Is hardly the one I would choose
                   He isn't much cop
                   He argues a lot
                   And when asked to perform will refuse

"Mmm...not your best but...I knew there was something in there waiting to come out. Just needed a little **** didn't it?
-Mess off muse, or I'll give you a little ****.-
"Bye, see you tomorrow. Perhaps you'll be in a better mood."
-*******-

What should I say to cold callers?
"Not interested thank you "
"Yes, that is my name "
"No, actually my computer isn't broken "
"I think you need electrocution lessons, I can hardly understand you."

Or maybe I'll try this;

Mario, we had a deal now Mario
We shook hands ain't that right?
Meet me on the bridge my friend
Same time alone tonight

Bring the dough now Mario
You gotta pay your debt
I'm like that elephant you know
The one who don't forget

I got you covered Mario
I know your family
You gotta learn how to behave
Act responsibly

We're nearly brothers Mario
We share some blood I guess
So let's not spill it over this
Let's clear up this mess

           click

The atom he wanted to split
But didn't quite manage it
So he changed his tack
And instead of that
Wrote a limerick

He promised that pretty soon
A man would land on the moon
They didn't quite make it
So he told them to fake it
It was harder than he'd presumed

It was mid-Summer night
He thought that he might
Ask for her hand
As they strolled on the sand

He said I'll love you for all of time
If you just promise you will be mine
But alas his love was blind

For when he met mother
His vision recovered
And quickly he changed his mind

Let's go outside
Swifts are scything high
The last to cry the sun good night
Wings are beating then they glide

Let's walk round the meadow
As we like to do
We could be Summer gypsies you and I
Watch each day in pastel shades give way

All is kind, mild and soft
Daylight graced away
As we survey our sanctuary
Far from the maddening, saddening motorway

A fragile film of mist hangs above the meadow flowers
We wonder at the science of it
As nature's breath is blown aside
Like a magic trick

We could stay out here all night
Be Summer gypsies you and I
But we are tied
Signed up to this, bound by that
Anchored, rooted to the workaday

Come inside, for we must sleep
We need to sleep
Let the night its gentle solstice secrets keep

It's Grandad's birthday coming up
He says he wants a ******,
To entertain him in the bath tub-
Better not tell Granny