All through school they were peers
Their friendship lasted for years
They knew that they must
Not give way to lust
For then it would end in tears

Jellyfish in the dock
Quietly guarding his spot
An intruder drifts by
With a challenging eye
So he gives him all that he's got

The quarrel to settle
He showed him his mettle
Caressed him all over
With arms like a nettle

The stranger acts tough
Calling his bluff
Hanging around in a bit of a huff

He drifted off, he'd shown him what's what
There was no doubt who was king of the dock-
It was one of his better exchanges

But he thought how strange for a fish,
To have tattooed on his chest
Good food costs less at Sainsburys

She sees him once or twice a week
For services bought and sold
She keeps it all a bit hush-hush
Her friends she hasn't told

He makes her knees go wobbly weak
Her heartbeat gets so fast
She feels her body overheat
He makes her pant  and gasp

They say she's looking good these days
They all are wondering why-
Why the jaunty spring in the step-
Why the sparkling eyes

Then one night with all her friends
She said I'll tell you a thing-
This is Wil, my personal trainer
And this my diamond ring

He catches rats for a living
The fine young, jolly young man
Says if you can't get rid of them
Call me, because I can

I'll trap 'em, drown 'em, poison 'em,
Hit 'em on the head
Failing that I'll fire some shot;
Fill 'em up with lead

Bedbugs, fleas, ants, pigeons in the loft
Squirrels being troublesome
Tell me, I'll stop the lot

Then he handed me a business card
Said this is me as well
So if you fancy tasty burgers
Just give me a bell

I will be your storyteller
Just stay here with me
We can show each other
Things we never would have believed

I will keep you company
At the end of every day
I will lull you off to sleep
If you let me stay

I will build a house
Made from hearts of oak
I will warm your water up
When you want a soak

I will write you poems
About the moon, the stars, the clouds, the sky
I will stay with you
Until the day I die

Because you're the one who's good to have around
You're the one I'm glad I found
I may not say I love you all the time
But I do,
My special valentine

Everything you do-
Turn it into poem food
See the world anew

Spiky cables hanging from the wall
Disappear beneath the floor
Let me try to figure out
What they all are for

Eventually we connect the lot
Turn on the power and hear-
A pop

Of course the colours have all changed
From red and black
To brown and blue
Then the blue turned back (to black)
In an effort to confuse

After lunch I see my mistake
Just take this off and use this one
Flick the switch, and oh be joyful
All the lights come on

The first week I slept downstairs, to be right next to him
We're keen to build the bond, and do our best for him

It's two steps forward, one step back
Sometimes we've thought, it's just a few brain cells that he lacks

Then for sure he's getting there, he's really learning lots
It's go go go, up down, round round
Pull off the table cloth

Just when we think he's such a cute young pup
He's doing well, he's being good, and really growing up
He's even asking to go out by waiting at the door
He decides to let us down
And does a finely placed architectural poo
In the middle of the floor