It's a dark and messy place
up in here. No clear space.
No matter how much you scrub,
more bad things will throw up.
It sends signals throughout
my body. I want to get out.
So if you're reading this and
you feel like you understand,
I'm so sorry. Wish I could help you
but I'm trying to heal too.

-m.b

I remember that you liked smoking. Whenever I hear the lighter flicker, you'd be there. Cupping one hand around the paper stuck in your mouth. I tend to associate the smell and sound of cigarettes set ablaze with you. A week ago I tried to smoke for the first time, even though I hated it when we were together. But I miss you. And the smell of nicotine reminds me of you.

I remember that you tend to drink when you're upset. Your words turn to slurs, your eyes glisten, bloodshot. You said you'd rather drink to numb the pain than face your conflicts head on. I used to worry about you. Especially when you're driving alone late at night but you'd always get home safely. I don't have the stomach for it but four days ago I deliberately got myself drunk so I could numb my pain too. Like you.

One by one, a few days at a time, I'd think back on your bad habits and try them out. To see and feel what you felt when you did them. I'm thinking, maybe if I inhale just a little bit longer, drink just a little bit more, I could see what you have seen---that made you pack your bags and left me two weeks ago. All those precaution I took when I was with you are lost. Like throwing a pebble into the sea. Now your bad habits are mine.

-m.b

Hair from black to brown
to pink to purple to blue
to brown to black then white.

Achievements printed,
ink on paper.

Another face on
the subway,
another student
graduated from school.

Water drank,
food digested.
Night and day.

Clothes bought, worn,
washed, tossed aside.

Death craved
but feared
the most.

How am I grateful
but never satisfied?
I am so sorry.
It never does make sense.

-m.b

We broke up but I'm the one who's broken. You're doing just fine.
The sad thing is, you probably won't be that affected.
You'll say you're sorry, you love me, you'll miss me but
we both know I'm the one who'll get scars and bruises.
I've always been the one who gets hurt the most.

Like they say, when a heart breaks, it don't breakeven.

-m.b

I know you see your friends as flowers. Different, but beautiful in their own ways. They remind you of sunshine and everything good and pure in this world. I understand you want the best for them, for making you happy. But honey, I also know how you show your love. You water them everyday but because of your insistence, you'd overdo it and start watering them too much. I know you mean well but you need to watch how much you're pouring over them. Too much will **** them, even if you want to give them the care (you think) you could provide.

-m.b

You shine the brightest
when you smile.
But when you cry, well,
glistening red eyes look
good on you too.

-m.b

Everyone experiences pain
in a different way, even rhetoric.
To me, physical pain
is nothing compared to words and music.

You wouldn't understand
how much I've fallen for words that said everything
I wanted to hear but to them it meant nothing.

You don't know the feeling of singing songs for years
that your soul have cried out for,
only to have it fall on deaf ears.

No, I couldn't bear it.
This pain haunts me everyday
in every little detail.

How I catch Uncle Keith pray
to different gods so Aunt Martha
would look at him in the same awestruck way.

How the Moon would shine bright
only because it's a mirror, reflecting the Sun's light.

How the ice cream melts and melts on the ground
but you'd either wipe it away or let it dry on its own.

How the words I find in poems I read
carry the same feeling of angst I bring to bed.

How my classmate came in late nonchalantly
but missed the vital parts of today's lesson, never really
able to make up for it.

They are all different scenarios
but they are all the same.

It's missing out on many things and
taking people for granted.
And there's a feeling of hurt.

No matter where you go, who you find,
what you do, there's always going to be pain.

-m.b

What they say about you;
take it into consideration.
Whether it's bad or good;
pay attention.
Grow.

What you think about you;
it isn't as bad, really.
Your good side is true.
In yourself, believe.
Heal.

Before you chastise yourself,
keep silent.
Leave it on the shelf,
unattended for a month;
wait.

What you like about yourself,
turn up the volume;
change the way you behave.
Let it be your perfume.
Embrace.

Soil, water, sunshine,
fertilizer to keep you strong.
It's okay to have a little rain.
Your body is home, you belong.
Bloom.

-m.b

I see you like the first
sunshine after the rain;
you give me hope, it bursts
in my parched brain.

I see you like the
purply-pink sunset
after an eventful day;
beautiful lullabies I bring to bed.

I see you like the
rainbow appearing after
the storm. You'll tell
me to stay strong in a banter.

This is for you.
Thank you for showing
that it gets better. Thank you.
You're my favourite human being.

-m.b

Everyday after we stopped talking,
I've been running.
Running fast and hard,  away from my guilt.
Some days it'll catch up on me,
filling me up from the pit of my stomach,
gnawing its way up.
And some days I'd let it.
After all, it is what I deserve.
I'm sorry I popped up in your life,
pulled you in day by day,
then tell you I couldn't go on further.
I was desperate and lonely and curious
but realised I wasn't ready.
Perhaps I never got over my
fear of commitment.
I foolishly thought I did.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You didn't deserve any of it.
Thank you for your kindness, though.

-m.b

It left a bad taste in my mouth.
The sweet memory became sour and bitter.
How could the people that matter
make you feel bad?

-m.b

I live
  and breathe
    unrequited love.

It is not
  my choice
     because
I never ask to long
   for someone
      who doesn't want me.
or feel unattracted to him
  when he said
      he likes me.

It is truly
a vicious circle
   of unrequited
      love.

-m.b

To my dear
future lover,
there will be times
where I
will be distant.
If you are hesitant,
please don't feel hurt.
I've always been quiet.
Even if I am too quiet,
do not fret.
I just need time.
I can't promise that I'm fine,
though. I could be bereft.
You just have
to trust me.
I don't need company.
After all, before I met
you, all I had was myself.

-m.b

She was his moon,
his muse.
It was her name he moaned
when his heart was pierced
by Eros'
enchanted arrow.

It was her
that danced on his mind.
Her eyes and hair
he thought of every time.
But she'll never know;
She's the cause of his sorrow.

For she is lovable
but he isn't.
She's everything good in this world
and he's everything you do but mustn't.
His own kingdom he'll overthrow
just to see her again tomorrow.

-m.b

Every time the Sun rises
and I open my eyes,
as I feel my soul
slowly pulled from slumber,
entering my body, I feel whole;
I remember.
How last night I escaped
reality to meet you.
I no longer feel trapped
when I get to see you.
How my dreams consists
of braving the guards
when they wanted to shoot. I resist
even though some parts
of me thought I wouldn't
make it. I had to see you,
truly I feel like I couldn't
go through life without you.
The winds were rough
and I nearly drowned in the sea
but I couldn't get enough
cause can't you see?
I'd do anything just to see you,
to be with you
because you're the boy of my dreams
and I'd do anything for you, it seems.

-m.b

Your bones were literally
pressed hard against my throat
and I, gasping for air,
was still worried that my
loving arms was going to
hurt you.
How does that make sense?
Somehow, thinking rationally
was never my strongest
suit whenever I'm with
you.

-m.b

You're the kind of beauty that wouldn't strike at first glance. More like with each stare, with each word spoken, with each conversation heard. With your quiet and cool demeanor, you're most likely being overlooked but once they start to notice you, you're hard to forget. How could a vivacious person like you went unnoticed? Now it's hard to shake you out of their heads. You're the type that every poet would weep over. How lovely, how enchanting, how mysterious, how angst-filled; you're broken yet full.

-m.b

I preach about being independent and although it is a desirable trait, deep down I am still a hopeless romantic. I long to have a significant other who I can talk to, explore them like a curious scientist, study the cracks in between them, someone who would listen to how my day went and actually cares about me, who looks at me adoringly like I was their favorite constellation, knows my quirks and adores them and holds me when I'm tired. I do get tired easily. Must be nice to snuggle up to someone who makes you feel all tingly everywhere and the two of you get shy about it.

But I've been fishing for years and I still couldn't find the right catch. Talking to the moon who would tell me that it takes time and when I do, it'll be worth it. I believe it, I do. But I just wish this dull ache inside would disappear. Let it calm down and dissolve but it's like a restless wave, constantly washing over me. When will this storm end?

I wish I wouldn't feel so lonely at night, staring at the ceiling in the dark, listening to sad songs and feel the tears slipping down my cheeks in cohesion. It ***** even more in broad daylight where I see other couples holding on to each other, smiling and wearing dumb matching sweaters. As cliché as it is, I want that. I'm happy for them, truly. But I couldn't stop the twinge of envy I get when I hear their lovesick giggles. What did they do; sell their soul, throw a coin in a well, or make a wish upon a shooting star? How did they get so lucky? What are the chances of liking someone who likes you back? Is it a breakthrough in science they discovered? A eureka moment? Am I the only lost particle? If not, where are the other lost ones? Are they colliding aimlessly, alone and lonely as I am?

I wonder what her voice was like
and if it was that he fell in love with.
I wonder if he still misses laying
his head on her shoulder or tummy
when he starts to feel ******.
I wonder if my hands are warm enough
to ease away his anxiety
and I wonder if I'll ever be enough
to take his mind off her.
And will I ever be enough to be with him?

I wonder if she'll ever stop running
through his head when he isn't sober.
That my love could start burning
so bright, his life could start over.
Could I offer an opportunity he wants?
Could I make him fall in love again?
Why am I hurting so much, wanting
to be the one he turns his attention to?
I'm feeling things I thought I buried already
but he keeps digging into me. I'm reviving.

-m.b

It started last December didn't it? I was somehow attracted to you even though you got on my nerves. Isn't that cliché? But it's getting stronger and though I tried to fight it, I can't stop my feelings. I get flutters inside and I'd automatically smile when I think of you. Wanting to talk about you all the time. You're banging on the door in my mind all the time. In the morning, afternoon, night and even up until 3am where I write down things that I like about you. Maybe this is just another crush and I'll move on sooner or later but just know that this: I like you a lot. Right now. Maybe it won't happen and it won't matter in the next few months or years but right now? I like you a whole lot and I'm not ashamed of it. Not one bit.

-m.b

We were in a car. We took turns driving. When it was my turn, I crashed. I meant to do it but I didn't expect the outcome would be so bad. I had my seatbelt on. I thought I would be a little bit shaken and I would move on but I experienced the whole thing: the cuts, bruises, fractured ribs, whiplash, nausea. But you look fine as far as I could see. You've always been fine. However the car and I are a wreck.

-m.b

Ten, nine, eight;
Time slows down.
It's getting late.
A smile sours into a frown.

Seven, six, five;
"Is this the best
ending for my life?"
Oxygen struggles in my chest.

Four, three, two;
I hear the angels sing.
Would you be there too?
My soul is floating.

One, one, one;**
My eyes flutter, they shut.
This isn't what I want
but I don't have the clout.

-m.b

You're like a broken mirror. I tried to help you but I'm a fool. This isn't my job. I tried to pick up the broken pieces but they were too sharp. I put on a brave face anyway. Hiding the grimace with a forced smile, as if it doesn't bother me. As if I couldn't feel the pointy shard slicing through my skin. You and I, we're a mess. But I'm messier. I'm a broken mirror too. I thought I could fix you. I thought that one of my broken parts could fix yours. So I tried again and again, to place my chips in your hollow sections. Only to have it fall through. I'm bleeding from all the cuts you gave me. I'm bleeding from all the work I'm doing. I tried to be a part of you and I'm scarred in so many places. Honey, you don't know how much I love you. I would've smashed even more of myself to look for that solid piece to complete you. But the sad thing is, we're not compatible. And we never will be.

-m.b

You might have thought
by now I'll be cured.
But I'm a broken piece;
you and I will never be pleased.

-m.b

"Pretty, pretty boy
Why did you catch my heart,
rolled and smoked it;
leaving it to bits of ashes.
Only for your cool friends
to talk over a cold bottle
or two;
How there wasn't a me and you?"
She sang in her lonely kitchen
on a quiet Sunday night.

-m.b

He could say "I love you" just one time.
Just one time.
That one time could have more depth of emotions than all those 1002 times you breathed to him.
And it isn't fair.
It isn't fair that he loves you a lot;
he'd move mountains and knock out constellations
just for you.
Yet you wouldn't even jump over a puddle for him.
He could look at you like you're giving him life
and his breathing body depends on it
but everyone knows you're the reason
his once full, purely soul
is now chipped and torn.
Drenched
in toxicity
that you've
injected
into his veins.

-m.b

I felt a darkness in him
Such monstrosity within
Just waiting to ****
Yet I fell for him
My sanity wearing thin,
Falling in love against my will.

-m.b

I want someone who sees me
and doesn't think I am ugly,
doesn't think I'm too messy.
Someone who'll let me down easily,
thinks of me highly,
who can take care of me.

I want someone who will
keep me safe. Who will ****
any harm out of the way till
time stands still.
Someone who still gets a thrill
going through the mill.

I want that person to be me.

-m.b

why did you break my heart
into tiny pieces?

when you could've loved me back
and made me the happiest?

-m.b

We met that night.
You kept wringing your wrists.
When we were about to part,
our cheeks met for a kiss.
I asked, "Will you be alright?"
You said, "Yeah, I'll be okay. Thankies"
And smiled sadly, lips tight.

I should've stayed then
so you wouldn't have gone away;
leaving us grief-stricken, hearts broken.
Is this what you meant as "I'll be okay?"
I keep looking at my right hand
where we made matching tattoos last May.

If I could go back in time,
could I have done something different?
Instead of doing this stupid rhyme,
wishing your life never ended.

-m.b

Being with you was like being in a movie.
The summer romantic comedy, roller-coaster
of a plot that went on for a full year;
accompanied by beautiful soundtracks.
A roller-coaster because at one point it
dropped heavily into a tragedy.
There were so many soundtracks it felt
like a musical.
When I think back, I could only remember
night car rides, laughter, nerves and a lot
of music playing.
Ever since the "movie" ended, I've been
sitting alone. The stillness of a post credit
scene that never came.
So when I listen to the songs again,
it's like re-watching the movie all over
again. Your favourite old movie,
Re-living the good and bad parts;
especially knowing when your heart is going to break.

-m.b

With his short but wavy hair
His face breaking into a happy grin
As he settled himself on a chair,
His tall, lanky body leaning
To one side and held
His girl's hand beside him

Big, brown eyes behind his Ray Ban specs
Thick, dark eyebrows wriggling
As he cracked endless jokes.
His long, skinny legs crossing and folding.

Deep, throaty laugh resonates the room
When she tickled his ribs.
He's the dark night and she is his moon
I watched them without a single peep.

He's the kind of guy
That I've always wanted
But would never look my way.

-m.b

It's the low thrumming sound;
I could feel it within my spirit
whenever you're not around.
I didn't think I would get hit
by Eros just yet. I was doing so fine
on my own. Life is funny.

The rhythms come together
when we catch each other's waves.
This is so cliché but life just got better.
I feel like all the negativity paves
way and made room for your presence.
Counting my blessings, you're a godsend.

-m.b

There's this girl;
      who would cry alone.

No one to hear,
      no one to help.

Just as quickly as she starts
      to cry,

Her eyes dry up
      as if she never cried
  in the first place.

-m.b

After some time,
you'll grow tired of me.
I know because
everyone does.
I know because even
I get tired of me too.

-m.b

Sometimes it gets really bad
Up in my head.
And the questions start to hit;
Why this, now? Why me? Is it really worth it?

And the answer is always this:
Yes.

-m.b

Perhaps the reason why they call poems as "pieces" is because you find a piece of your heart in between the lines.
If you have suffered from a broken heart, write or read poetry.
Maybe you can fix the broken pieces, place them together and be whole again.
Or it can break and break, with every word.
Or maybe your heart was never whole to begin with

-m.b