She is made of dots. Every dot symbolizes events in her life. From afar, you'd think they are just random sprouts of freckles but behind every spot is a story. Her quietness hides the many dots. I've known from the start that she has a lot more hidden beneath her skin, sprinkled on her bones, pulsing in her veins, throbbing in her brain. Slowly I'm trying to join them together. It could take years and I'll probably die before I finish it but it'll be worth it. She's a brilliant map made of dots. I'm discovering them one by one.

-m.b

Hello, how are you?
It's been a while.
I miss you. I really do.
I tried to reach out
but you never responded.
I hope I didn't
do anything wrong.
It hurts. A lot.
Whenever I tried
but you'd leave me on read.

I have so many things
to share with you.
I've grown and experienced
new things but couldn't tell you.
Cause it feels like
I'm speaking to a brick wall.
I feel dumb sometimes;
Getting excited and all
but you never respond.
I guess you need some space.

So if that's what
you need, I understand.
I'll give you that;
time and some space.
Know that I'm always here
if you need anyone.
You know I'm always happy
to have a reunion.
I just wish you could
tell me you're safe and sound.

-m.b

Ten, nine, eight;
Time slows down.
It's getting late.
A smile sours into a frown.

Seven, six, five;
"Is this the best
ending for my life?"
Oxygen struggles in my chest.

Four, three, two;
I hear the angels sing.
Would you be there too?
My soul is floating.

One, one, one;**
My eyes flutter, they shut.
This isn't what I want
but I don't have the clout.

-m.b

Hair from black to brown
to pink to purple to blue
to brown to black then white.

Achievements printed,
ink on paper.

Another face on
the subway,
another student
graduated from school.

Water drank,
food digested.
Night and day.

Clothes bought, worn,
washed, tossed aside.

Death craved
but feared
the most.

How am I grateful
but never satisfied?
I am so sorry.
It never does make sense.

-m.b

To me, it is both
a blessing and a curse
to fall for a writer.

If they love you,
they'll paint the prettiest words for you.
But if they don't,
they'll slash your insides with words too.

To me, it is both
beautiful and terrifying.
I'll keep reading them anyway.

-m.b

I feel like talking about you but I don't want to.
I feel like I should text you but I want you to do it first.
I feel like there's more to you and I want to get to know you more.
I feel like something is brewing but I don't want to hope too much.
I feel like writing more about you but my brain doesn't want to.
I feel a lot of things and when I do I want to turn it into art.
I feel like I should jot them down but my creative side doesn't want to.
I feel this is something else but if it isn't mine, I don't want it.
I can feel that I'm falling deeper but based on my experiences, my crush would never want me back.

-m.b

I live
  and breathe
    unrequited love.

It is not
  my choice
     because
I never ask to long
   for someone
      who doesn't want me.
or feel unattracted to him
  when he said
      he likes me.

It is truly
a vicious circle
   of unrequited
      love.

-m.b

I'm already falling. I thought I had a firm grip on the ground but it slipped beneath me with each glance I stole.

I tried to push these feelings away but it's still there. Even when I had my eye on someone else, my head would automatically snap to where you are when I see you coming. Always with that energetic bounce. That deep sing-songy voice.

And when I heard that you like someone else, I feel a stab somewhere inside me. I feel the wound getting deeper. I feel the intense jealousy spreading; like an infectious disease.

Knowing fully well this will end with me picking up the broken pieces of my heart, I let myself fall anyway. I can't seem to have a grip on anything. Believe me, I tried.

Where I am now, it's like when you pull the plug from the drain after filling the tub. How the water gets ****** in like a whirlpool. How helpless. That's how I feel. I can't control these feelings.

-m.b

Hello, I hope you're doing fine.
Sometimes I am,
sometimes not so much.
It has a latch
on me.
I'm still not completely free
from you.
There's nothing much I can do.
I'm still healing.
Through reading and writing.
Going back and forth
between old memories and scenes morphed
by my mind;
thinking what if you're still mine?
But that's just unnecessary, right?
Why do I hold on to you so tight
when we're the greatest being alone?
I guess I'm so used to calling you my home.
I'm getting better, really.
I just hope you are too, baby.

-m.b

It left a bad taste in my mouth.
The sweet memory became sour and bitter.
How could the people that matter
make you feel bad?

-m.b

I know you see your friends as flowers. Different, but beautiful in their own ways. They remind you of sunshine and everything good and pure in this world. I understand you want the best for them, for making you happy. But honey, I also know how you show your love. You water them everyday but because of your insistence, you'd overdo it and start watering them too much. I know you mean well but you need to watch how much you're pouring over them. Too much will **** them, even if you want to give them the care (you think) you could provide.

-m.b

You shine the brightest
when you smile.
But when you cry, well,
glistening red eyes look
good on you too.

-m.b

Every time the Sun rises
and I open my eyes,
as I feel my soul
slowly pulled from slumber,
entering my body, I feel whole;
I remember.
How last night I escaped
reality to meet you.
I no longer feel trapped
when I get to see you.
How my dreams consists
of braving the guards
when they wanted to shoot. I resist
even though some parts
of me thought I wouldn't
make it. I had to see you,
truly I feel like I couldn't
go through life without you.
The winds were rough
and I nearly drowned in the sea
but I couldn't get enough
cause can't you see?
I'd do anything just to see you,
to be with you
because you're the boy of my dreams
and I'd do anything for you, it seems.

-m.b

To my dear
future lover,
there will be times
where I
will be distant.
If you are hesitant,
please don't feel hurt.
I've always been quiet.
Even if I am too quiet,
do not fret.
I just need time.
I can't promise that I'm fine,
though. I could be bereft.
You just have
to trust me.
I don't need company.
After all, before I met
you, all I had was myself.

-m.b

Everyone experiences pain
in a different way, even rhetoric.
To me, physical pain
is nothing compared to words and music.

You wouldn't understand
how much I've fallen for words that said everything
I wanted to hear but to them it meant nothing.

You don't know the feeling of singing songs for years
that your soul have cried out for,
only to have it fall on deaf ears.

No, I couldn't bear it.
This pain haunts me everyday
in every little detail.

How I catch Uncle Keith pray
to different gods so Aunt Martha
would look at him in the same awestruck way.

How the Moon would shine bright
only because it's a mirror, reflecting the Sun's light.

How the ice cream melts and melts on the ground
but you'd either wipe it away or let it dry on its own.

How the words I find in poems I read
carry the same feeling of angst I bring to bed.

How my classmate came in late nonchalantly
but missed the vital parts of today's lesson, never really
able to make up for it.

They are all different scenarios
but they are all the same.

It's missing out on many things and
taking people for granted.
And there's a feeling of hurt.

No matter where you go, who you find,
what you do, there's always going to be pain.

-m.b

You're like a broken mirror. I tried to help you but I'm a fool. This isn't my job. I tried to pick up the broken pieces but they were too sharp. I put on a brave face anyway. Hiding the grimace with a forced smile, as if it doesn't bother me. As if I couldn't feel the pointy shard slicing through my skin. You and I, we're a mess. But I'm messier. I'm a broken mirror too. I thought I could fix you. I thought that one of my broken parts could fix yours. So I tried again and again, to place my chips in your hollow sections. Only to have it fall through. I'm bleeding from all the cuts you gave me. I'm bleeding from all the work I'm doing. I tried to be a part of you and I'm scarred in so many places. Honey, you don't know how much I love you. I would've smashed even more of myself to look for that solid piece to complete you. But the sad thing is, we're not compatible. And we never will be.

-m.b

What they say about you;
take it into consideration.
Whether it's bad or good;
pay attention.
Grow.

What you think about you;
it isn't as bad, really.
Your good side is true.
In yourself, believe.
Heal.

Before you chastise yourself,
keep silent.
Leave it on the shelf,
unattended for a month;
wait.

What you like about yourself,
turn up the volume;
change the way you behave.
Let it be your perfume.
Embrace.

Soil, water, sunshine,
fertilizer to keep you strong.
It's okay to have a little rain.
Your body is home, you belong.
Bloom.

-m.b

We were in a car. We took turns driving. When it was my turn, I crashed. I meant to do it but I didn't expect the outcome would be so bad. I had my seatbelt on. I thought I would be a little bit shaken and I would move on but I experienced the whole thing: the cuts, bruises, fractured ribs, whiplash, nausea. But you look fine as far as I could see. You've always been fine. However the car and I are a wreck.

-m.b

She was his moon,
his muse.
It was her name he moaned
when his heart was pierced
by Eros'
enchanted arrow.

It was her
that danced on his mind.
Her eyes and hair
he thought of every time.
But she'll never know;
She's the cause of his sorrow.

For she is lovable
but he isn't.
She's everything good in this world
and he's everything you do but mustn't.
His own kingdom he'll overthrow
just to see her again tomorrow.

-m.b

Being with you was like being in a movie.
The summer romantic comedy, roller-coaster
of a plot that went on for a full year;
accompanied by beautiful soundtracks.
A roller-coaster because at one point it
dropped heavily into a tragedy.
There were so many soundtracks it felt
like a musical.
When I think back, I could only remember
night car rides, laughter, nerves and a lot
of music playing.
Ever since the "movie" ended, I've been
sitting alone. The stillness of a post credit
scene that never came.
So when I listen to the songs again,
it's like re-watching the movie all over
again. Your favourite old movie,
Re-living the good and bad parts;
especially knowing when your heart is going to break.

-m.b

I preach about being independent and although it is a desirable trait, deep down I am still a hopeless romantic. I long to have a significant other who I can talk to, explore them like a curious scientist, study the cracks in between them, someone who would listen to how my day went and actually cares about me, who looks at me adoringly like I was their favorite constellation, knows my quirks and adores them and holds me when I'm tired. I do get tired easily. Must be nice to snuggle up to someone who makes you feel all tingly everywhere and the two of you get shy about it.

But I've been fishing for years and I still couldn't find the right catch. Talking to the moon who would tell me that it takes time and when I do, it'll be worth it. I believe it, I do. But I just wish this dull ache inside would disappear. Let it calm down and dissolve but it's like a restless wave, constantly washing over me. When will this storm end?

I wish I wouldn't feel so lonely at night, staring at the ceiling in the dark, listening to sad songs and feel the tears slipping down my cheeks in cohesion. It ***** even more in broad daylight where I see other couples holding on to each other, smiling and wearing dumb matching sweaters. As cliché as it is, I want that. I'm happy for them, truly. But I couldn't stop the twinge of envy I get when I hear their lovesick giggles. What did they do; sell their soul, throw a coin in a well, or make a wish upon a shooting star? How did they get so lucky? What are the chances of liking someone who likes you back? Is it a breakthrough in science they discovered? A eureka moment? Am I the only lost particle? If not, where are the other lost ones? Are they colliding aimlessly, alone and lonely as I am?

I see you like the first
sunshine after the rain;
you give me hope, it bursts
in my parched brain.

I see you like the
purply-pink sunset
after an eventful day;
beautiful lullabies I bring to bed.

I see you like the
rainbow appearing after
the storm. You'll tell
me to stay strong in a banter.

This is for you.
Thank you for showing
that it gets better. Thank you.
You're my favourite human being.

-m.b

Your bones were literally
pressed hard against my throat
and I, gasping for air,
was still worried that my
loving arms was going to
hurt you.
How does that make sense?
Somehow, thinking rationally
was never my strongest
suit whenever I'm with
you.

-m.b

He could say "I love you" just one time.
Just one time.
That one time could have more depth of emotions than all those 1002 times you breathed to him.
And it isn't fair.
It isn't fair that he loves you a lot;
he'd move mountains and knock out constellations
just for you.
Yet you wouldn't even jump over a puddle for him.
He could look at you like you're giving him life
and his breathing body depends on it
but everyone knows you're the reason
his once full, purely soul
is now chipped and torn.
Drenched
in toxicity
that you've
injected
into his veins.

-m.b

It's the low thrumming sound;
I could feel it within my spirit
whenever you're not around.
I didn't think I would get hit
by Eros just yet. I was doing so fine
on my own. Life is funny.

The rhythms come together
when we catch each other's waves.
This is so cliché but life just got better.
I feel like all the negativity paves
way and made room for your presence.
Counting my blessings, you're a godsend.

-m.b

You're the kind of beauty that wouldn't strike at first glance. More like with each stare, with each word spoken, with each conversation heard. With your quiet and cool demeanor, you're most likely being overlooked but once they start to notice you, you're hard to forget. How could a vivacious person like you went unnoticed? Now it's hard to shake you out of their heads. You're the type that every poet would weep over. How lovely, how enchanting, how mysterious, how angst-filled; you're broken yet full.

-m.b

There's this girl;
      who would cry alone.

No one to hear,
      no one to help.

Just as quickly as she starts
      to cry,

Her eyes dry up
      as if she never cried
  in the first place.

-m.b

It started last December didn't it? I was somehow attracted to you even though you got on my nerves. Isn't that cliché? But it's getting stronger and though I tried to fight it, I can't stop my feelings. I get flutters inside and I'd automatically smile when I think of you. Wanting to talk about you all the time. You're banging on the door in my mind all the time. In the morning, afternoon, night and even up until 3am where I write down things that I like about you. Maybe this is just another crush and I'll move on sooner or later but just know that this: I like you a lot. Right now. Maybe it won't happen and it won't matter in the next few months or years but right now? I like you a whole lot and I'm not ashamed of it. Not one bit.

-m.b

"Pretty, pretty boy
Why did you catch my heart,
rolled and smoked it;
leaving it to bits of ashes.
Only for your cool friends
to talk over a cold bottle
or two;
How there wasn't a me and you?"
She sang in her lonely kitchen
on a quiet Sunday night.

-m.b

You might have thought
by now I'll be cured.
But I'm a broken piece;
you and I will never be pleased.

-m.b

I want someone who sees me
and doesn't think I am ugly,
doesn't think I'm too messy.
Someone who'll let me down easily,
thinks of me highly,
who can take care of me.

I want someone who will
keep me safe. Who will ****
any harm out of the way till
time stands still.
Someone who still gets a thrill
going through the mill.

I want that person to be me.

-m.b

why did you break my heart
into tiny pieces?

when you could've loved me back
and made me the happiest?

-m.b

After some time,
you'll grow tired of me.
I know because
everyone does.
I know because even
I get tired of me too.

-m.b

With his short but wavy hair
His face breaking into a happy grin
As he settled himself on a chair,
His tall, lanky body leaning
To one side and held
His girl's hand beside him

Big, brown eyes behind his Ray Ban specs
Thick, dark eyebrows wriggling
As he cracked endless jokes.
His long, skinny legs crossing and folding.

Deep, throaty laugh resonates the room
When she tickled his ribs.
He's the dark night and she is his moon
I watched them without a single peep.

He's the kind of guy
That I've always wanted
But would never look my way.

-m.b

I fall too fast,
too easily.
I get hurt just as
quickly and deeply
too.

-m.b

I felt a darkness in him
Such monstrosity within
Just waiting to ****
Yet I fell for him
My sanity wearing thin,
Falling in love against my will.

-m.b

You've cut off your hands; convinced that you're not what you consider beautiful and it saddens me. But I'll plant a seed of love everyday just so you can walk through a garden of all the love I feel when it comes to you, and what you should feel about yourself. I'll do this just so you can see the beauty that I see. And with every grown seed; the flower that you touch, that's you. You're the beauty. All the bright colours  and scents within these petals and buds. That's what I've been telling you, love. You make the world better.

-m.b

We met that night.
You kept wringing your wrists.
When we were about to part,
our cheeks met for a kiss.
I asked, "Will you be alright?"
You said, "Yeah, I'll be okay. Thankies"
And smiled sadly, lips tight.

I should've stayed then
so you wouldn't have gone away;
leaving us grief-stricken, hearts broken.
Is this what you meant as "I'll be okay?"
I keep looking at my right hand
where we made matching tattoos last May.

If I could go back in time,
could I have done something different?
Instead of doing this stupid rhyme,
wishing your life never ended.

-m.b