Secrets 

(v)
Well did he tell you the one about the brown haired girl? 
Different girl, different world 
Did he tell you he would invite her over, wait til you were gone and then ******* both over
Three days before he offers a ring, do you know who he offered his bed to?

(c)
I didn't think you knew about his secrets 
The lies he's been telling you 
I know you think he's perfect
Just want to let you know it isn't true 

I know you wanted him to love you
Sometimes I really think him to
But I just want to let you know, dear 
His secrets will haunt the both of you 

(v) 
Did he tell about the one
Where you and he would have a fight 
And then he would get all lonely 
And invite her over that very night

Did he tell how he fooled her
Into thinking he really cared 
And she just fell right into it 
Bet you didn't know there was history there 


(b)
And I'm not trying to sway you 
Not trying to change your made up mind
I really want you to be happy 
But I just think you deserve better than lies

I've always loved the constellations;
I always felt as though somehow they were mine.

I'll never forget the day I discovered new ones here on earth and how happy I was to know they were actually made with me in mind.

Imagine how my soul smiled when I saw them for the first time.
Imagine how my heart exploded the first time I looked in your eyes.//

it's so easy for her,
when she's out alone during the day

she knows her worth,
she sees how she shines

and it's sad when they all come out,
you don't see her anymore

but I wonder;
even though she knows she's the brightest of them all

I wonder
if when the stars are out;
I wonder if the sun ever feels alone//

tell me what keeps you awake at 2 am
whether it’s the girl who took the knife of her absence and stabbed it into your sternum
or the loneliness that swallows your skin

play the one song which releases the floodgates in your eyes
and let me listen to it over and over again
until i find which line makes your heart drop to your stomach

describe the story of your body to me
tell me of the invisible scars too
and with each detail you describe
i will make a map
so i know which road bumps to avoid
or which holy sites to fall to my knees and kiss the ground of

remember that
i wear a mask brimming with self confidence and an armor of words that are both easy to tear for they were thin like tissue to begin with
i am sensitive
taking to hurt the way a sponge absorbs water

do not hide me behind closed doors or keep me entrapped in bed sheets
when you walk past me, do not pull your hood over your head and avert your gaze
i need you to look at my eyes as if they illuminated the entire world
and kiss my lips as if they are what allow you to breathe

open the door.
bring me flowers.
because the only boy who did either was my 5th grade boyfriend

be willing to meet my family and friends
for they were the ones who created the marble statue whom you marvel at today

take note of how my heart is a reflection of myself
how she is too kind and will kiss the same man who tore her in two
so please do not say words which will make her wings flutter
if you are not ready to be the nest she flies to

let me know that me, as myself, i am enough
that i do not need to be a chameleon
dipping myself in new colors each day to please you

remember the little things about me
like how my first phrase i uttered was shut up to a man in an elevator or the delight i take in handwritten letters and mix CDs, or the significance of my first tattoo
because everything about you is being etched into the walls of mind
so that i can never forget

trace your fingers with a loving tenderness over my scars from the times i transformed my body into a crucifix
pinning my hands and feet onto a cross out of habit
thinking love was a word synoymous with self sacrifice

you must learn my language
know what zips my lips into silence
know the difference between when i want to give up versus when i will actually do so
and be there to hold me when the seams start to unravel

if you want me to love you
know that many have tried and failed
that people like me are not meant to be soft
if you want me to love you
know that to me
love is not a word you spit out of your mouth and juggle in your hands
you need to promise that our love won’t be like an hourglass
for my body has been disfgured enough from the times my chest turned inside out from the pang of abadonment
if you want me to love you
reaffirm my body is a kindgom, my heart is the treasure, and that i am your queen
paint pictures for me in what you do and say
telling me i am worthy to be loved, worthy to be kept, and worthy to stay

but if you really want me to fall in love with you
tell me what you see right before you close your eyes at night to fall asleep
and if you tell me it’s me
i will fall unfathomably further for you than i already have

She was it.
Everything you've ever looked for.
The sun
The moon
The stars.

The light you search for when you're surrounded by darkness.
The air your lungs long for when you feel like you're drowning.
The only hope you have when the world is dragging you under.

She was everything you'd ever dreamed about.
And you could have had her.
If only you would have believed in yourself.
If only you had asked.

But you let her slip.//

there's this certain feeling I get in the car.
When it's dark out, the windows are down and the music is loud.
this feeling in the pit of my stomach like I've reached it; my goal, my destination, my true happiness.
like I'm living in a dream.
like my heart is floating above my body, watching myself like I'm in a movie.
speaking of movies, they sometimes have a reminiscent feel.
late night conversations in the dark would be the closest second.

that's what my whole life has been about.
surrounding myself with people, circumstances, places that feel like that.
that feel like music.

most people don't understand,but I've never been willing to stop. I won't stop chasing it. I can't.
it's what keeps me going.
I hate the silence.
the melodies, for me, are as vital as breathing.
I've never been willing to stop or even slow down because of this.

It isn't personal if I can't stop for you.
I just can't stop chasing the music.

I've never needed anyone to come along. I've never needed anyone to sit in the car with me. I was born for the chase, and more often than not its a one-person gig.
and that's okay.
No one has ever quite understood me, and that is fine.
I'm different.
I've always known.

and if I chase the music alone until my lungs give their very last note, I'll be okay. it's always been just me and the melodies.  

but one day, if I happen to meet someone on the same chase, maybe we will create harmony.
maybe our melodies will go together.
and that will be favorite song.
and I will sing that one forever.//

I'm not afraid anymore
I'm not afraid of people seeing me
Who I am
What I want
What I dream.
I'm not afraid of failing just as long as I can say that I'm trying;
That's more than you ever wanted me to be able to say.

I'm not afraid to laugh,
To cry,
To get hurt.
I'm not afraid to get angry,
To be fragile,
To be breakable.
I'm not afraid to feel all of it
Everything.

I'm not afraid anymore.
Not afraid of you
Of your opinion of me
Of the consequences after I do something you don't approve of.

I'm not afraid of me anymore.
I'm not afraid of anything and everything that makes me
Of the things that can break me
Of the things that consume me.
I'm not afraid of the things I stay up thinking about,
Dreaming about,
Obsessing about.


I'm not afraid anymore
you don't own me.
You never did.//