This can be our little game,
We can do it once, maybe,
But I won’t roll the dice again
And I am not your baby, maybe
I will let you play once more
And you can place your bet and
Then I’ll return the favor to
Remind you you’re in debt;
You owe yourself some consequence
Roll over, just keep still but
I can still persuade your strings and
Make you dance against your will.

Do not even bother—
Will not get me to give
Will not get me to soften the edge.
I do not do feeling
I do not call it love;
Do not even bother—
I am cold as frostbite
At the end of May
On sleepless nights
The Sandman’s Prey.

Perhaps I am a predator,
My lust addiction’s prey
Is the lack of all affection;
Few loving words to say.
Pity for the maiden
Who, naked, sheds a tear
For man’s true love, the whitest dove
Impure and flies in fear.

This is going to hurt
A little and
I see you fret
You flick your cigarette
You seem afraid, this
Game we've played it's
Safe to say the
Look on your face is
One of knowing
I will abuse you
It's too late 'cause
I made you wait you
Have to have it
Got you now you're
Going blue you
Want me to.

Looking at the noise but
I am thinking of her
Once again the girl she
Had blonde hair and her
Fingers intertwined with
Mine but she was gone
The crowd declined I
Drank too much was
Feeling fine her body of
Divine design her hands
They slipped so swift from mine
Another night, another time and
Place that I can't quite define
So I try to let her slip my mind.

I’ll fall in love with every street corner,
I’ll fall madly in love with the sea,
And I’ll think of every grain of sand;
It’s where I need to be.
The only place that lets me breathe,
The only place for me.

I am so ashamed
That I can't shake
The feeling you gave me
All such a mistake I'm
Wretched for falling
For seductive delusions
A catch-22, a drunken
Confusion in which
You have been spellbound
And me, exposed bare
I just want to be free of you
Such a useless affair I'm
Tearing my hair out over you.

Tepid air and t-shirt sheets,
I lay dormant, yet thoughtful
As the wind of various methods
Of transportation whisper in my ear
From afar.
My eyelids linger open,
Burdensome, but somehow comfortable
And I like my skin bare
Whilst the wind floats on through.
A dry cough keeps me awake,
Like I have been in a drought
For weeks, for months
So rash, so longing.
A full breath I take, but
Always interrupted and
A cool stream of water’s
Not a cure in the least.
Tepid air and t-shirt sheets,
I lay dormant and I like my skin bare.

Addicted I
Cannot stop my
Fleshly prowess
That twists you up
Something about it
Needs immersion
Drowns your drought it’s
Complicated but devout it’s
Craving fruit that
You’re deprived the
Pleasure and the
Pulse survive and you
Must drink it
From my hive
The itch that
Makes the honey thrive
A primal need
That makes you plead I
Feed the mouths
That sow the seed and
Though I can take from whom
I choose I
Cannot deny I want it too.

Why must blue be blue?
She asked, in a frustrating
But worthy attempt to
Unlock one of millions of secrets;
She didn’t know that the purpose
In life is not to find the answers
But to withstand the suffering
Curiosity brings.
In lieu of investigating the unknown,
Embracing mystery like the future ahead
Presents a precious gift, that is the ability
To find apathy in where we go
When the soul is dead, when we transcend.

The truth hurts, naturally,
I can break you down
To what you truly are,
Which isn’t much
And to be honest
It never really
Got that far.

Remember your eyes
Got caught in your smile and I
Still hate your tattoos

Feel like I am
Being stretched too thin I am
A hundred years old, maybe
More and for some reason
I am thinking I
Am trapped here forever when
I would give anything, everything
To get out, and each minute is
Like another year's sentence I am
An inmate in my own prison,
What is the purpose of this?

Someday I shall dwell
In a townhouse by the square
Surrounded by a picket fence
Which guards yellow daffodils
The color of butter, the scent of cheer.
A strip of the town shall be laid
In cobblestone, each side of the road
Embellished with tall, San Francisco buildings
Each its own, and each a new hue.
In the morning I will wake
The same time as the sun
And amble down the seashore
Discerning every seafull, eyeing every seashell,
I shall smile as the wet sand
Squelches through my toes
And the tide comes in,
For I will be happy.
In the afternoons, I’ll laze about,
Meet a friend for coffee,
I shall linger at the bay where the ferries come in
Smell the salt as it spritzes my skin.
There will be a cheerful man on Mondays
Who pushes a white cart up and down streets
Wielding balloons of every color
For giggly children, hands covered in lollipop residue.
I shall smile at night
When the moon rules the sky
And gleams through my window,
For I will be happy.

Stay close to me
My life is
The red light district
You just cannot see it.
And you do not ask,
Makes me forget.
It is all an enormous lie.

I'm like time just
Days away, love.
Smile, I feel I
need blue sky,
Say "free fall,"
and sleep,
Make moments fly
and
Lost hands won' t do it,
you're a little late, and
it won't air out
under the weight of the sand,
it's something great,
just days away, love.

Once again
I bit off more than I can chew,
You
And that silly tattoo I’ve got
Nothing to lose
Because I have nothing but
Everything to gain
Just have to get past the shame.

I am sorry for you
your tragic land it
saddens me and it
makes you ill the
place you thought would
save your life it's
draining it I
miss you so
little I can
do from here you
spin out further
and I only
nod my head
I am powerless
don't fade away.

“Go,” I said,
Like it was too late but
I knew that it was not.
Slow motion, under water,
A painful sleep
Disrupted by an apologetic embrace,
Watch me let go.
It is like warmth,
Impossible to escape
But I want to stay.
Lovers together, walking,
Talking, thinking…
The most peaceful thing
I have ever seen, I believe
The sun and the water…
Every noise, strengthens the bond.
My stomach in my throat,
Time given as a gift
Like it is solid and
I hate to admit it,
But you are the opposite of me,
I can’t stand you sometimes
And you talk in your sleep.

Someday I’ll watch
The sun fall in the evening
When the stars barely glisten
And feel the breeze blowing,
I’ll be happy in this.

Nothing more than a parachute
I am drifting high in the sky
Think I will never come down
‘Till I hit the ground
Strollin’ through life
Surroundings passing me by
Like I am trudging through mud
Don’t have veins, got no blood

I want to shake you
But I can’t, ‘cause I hate you
In the way that
I love you when I say that
It’s too late we
Exhausted each other
With you I can’t win
It's your resolution
Of what's never been
How dare you think you’re
Allowed in my dreams when
I told you
You're just a mistake
But still you stay
In that part of my mind
You intrude when I’m ******* awake
I care not where you have been
I never want to see you again.

So tired of
Swearing I see
A light at the end
Of this god-forsaken tunnel but
Each time I've almost reached it
It goes out and
I toss and turn at night
Try to turn this around but
It is stuck in reverse I
Think I've got a handle but
Each time it all slips away
And at the end of the day I
Know there is not a way it is
Hopeless.

There exists this one type of sauce
It's hot and this sauce is the boss
Put it on eggs, pizza, or toast
All of the snacks that we love the most
No matter the cost, there's never a loss
When it comes to the boss, hot sauce.

In dreams I am so far from here
This place it gets me low
The snow, I feel it coming
To drown me in my woe

Wishing for sleep it’s
Five AM and a train’s going by,
I can hear the tracks rumble,
Wide awake couldn’t tell you why just
Feel it’s only eight or nine.
The air is humid, the weather’s for wine
And I'm quite well, I'm feeling fine I'm
Always a fool for time.

It seems all the time like
Life ensnares you and
Makes you think twice when
You try to be present in
The moments of bliss but
So often we
Are only aware
Of the moments we all wish that
Life would spare
Us because
Time is never kind it
Makes sure my
Back is turned
When the stars are aligned.

The butterflies, they cluster so,
I smell their fear in the air.
They seem so free, so unsuspecting,
But I hold one in my hand,
I admire its aesthetic value
And rip its wings off.
Unsuspecting—nothing’s free.

'Tis summer I yearn
When sun faithfully burns
'Tis green grass I covet
When shall winter turn?
The sun I see when light wakes morn
Eyes created, long lashes born
And meant to see all that I love
But when flakes fall my heart is torn.
The young, they cry, and waves, they peel
'Tis the water I need, the salt I feel
My true meaning and reason why
Some things a dream and others real.

Smile, eyes glitter,
Fingers grip,
In your eyes…
You don’t know.
In front of the world,
We have each other,
You keep me sane,
You keep me clean
In your eyes.
Can’t break it off,
Something intangible
And unique which
I am unfamiliar with,
In your eyes
It’s love.
Facing the ocean
Vulnerable front and back
You let go for once and
Swing in the breeze,
You sway like you’ve never
Opened your mind to a
World I can show you,
Lovely and brand new,
In your eyes.

Seems like blinking isn't worth it
One moment infant's next decline
Like sleep's cruel joke that only blurs it
Dreadful art's deranged design

****** Colombiana
Dressed in red
Her name was Ana
Leaned in close
She named her price
Expensive taste
Aim to entice
Desperado,  El Caballero
Like Cisco Kid
The hall was narrow
Was on her knees
Always prayed
In his pocket
Underpaid
En Colombia la vida loca
Slowly reached
Her skin like mocha
A forty-five
To Ana’s head
Mucho dinero
****** dead

It wasn’t too late, too early,
Simply a masquerade of paranoia;
Such an excuse blankets my
Poorly timed daydreams and
Silly grandiosity, unwillingly
Born from words left unsaid
Silence is a virtue when you are lying in bed
Out of breath and perspiring,
Nothingness is so tiring, conflicting when
Time has gotten much older
But my head’s on your shoulder,
**** your words and expressions,
Suspiciously uttered into my ear
When I’m spent, on my back
Yet I still attempt a smile
As I’m touched, in denial,
Slightly used and abused,
Your best kept secret.
Keep these moments on empty,
Thoughts secured tight,
Taking no feeling out of these nights,
The sick darkness reoccurs, if it wasn’t for you
Knew it couldn’t be right,
I am shut, uncatchable, unreachable, cold
Because everything in happiness eventually gets old;
This has been for a while,
And it’s making me numb…
I guess now we both know
What this has become.

Exhaling the smoke
Winding my way through my thoughts
Oh, marijuana

I
Am an English Major.
Numbers **** ***,
And I keep trying to pass it
But I'm stuck in this class.
My homework's due in three hours
But I'm rhyming instead,
I
Am an English Major
Who would rather be dead.
Or go to bed.
Or eat bread.
Just not do math.
****

You make me forget
The great divide
With that ******* smile
From back last December
When for awhile
I needed it, needed this
Needed each forsaken kiss and
All the things I used to miss like
A trip long and winding
When the walls are breathing
The feelings we’re finding are
Right in the moment but
I look away.

The riffs I put on repeat
Never felt the same to him;
So difficult and different,
The cool, clear liquor in which I swim.
Always running, pages turning
Painful blows and silent doses,
Doesn't matter where we go
Can't fight this timely diagnosis.
The throes of passion pulled me under,
Loving waves and first afflictions,
Prescription for a vile infection
Of the heart’s disease, the soul’s addiction.

Every man has a price
I’ll only lead him astray
And I’ll do it in cold blood
How much will you pay?

A pendulum swings the same way
Today as it did yesterday.
No snap of the fingers
Can change what lingers
So deadly repeatedly.
Day after day after day,
My eyes open the exact same way,
And time’s in a knot
With or without delay,
Everything drags;
Gut wrenching, teeth grinding, fist clenching
And drags some more.
Day after day after day.

You're walking down the boulevard
Hands in your pocket, head down toward the sidewalk
Wet and shiny with summer rain
It's not quite forgotten, or figured out
Certainly not forgiven, so you freeze a moment
You feel the brick in your gut all over again
And keep walking as you try to think of something else
But it is not as easy to try to escape
The songs, the rhymes, the smells, the mirage
Wonder why you wasted your time
You're walking down the boulevard
Hands in your pocket, head down toward the sidewalk
Wet and shiny with summer rain
It's not quite sound, not quite relieved
Certainly not a distant memory
You feel it's just like yesterday
And keep walking as you try to think of something else
But it's easier said than done
The red, biting, foolish, falling in love.

Love it lacks sedated need
Breeding faith in sick distrust
Empty time that does not heed
But feeds the longing for disgust

I did this to myself--
A sort of memory infection that can't die,
But when I blink my tired eyes
I swallow it back down again.
I know that someday the ice will melt.

I am trying to feel, you see
It is me, numb from the core but
Always wanting more yet
Obsessing
Over a chance to be free.
I feel nothing. I see nothing;
Dust in the wind
Never a worry
Of whether I’ve sinned and I’ve
Lost it all I’ve lost everything
And I’m standing here
In front of the ocean
Please, just let me fly it’s
Going, going, going, gone
The beat to the song,
The rhythm to the rhyme
One more time, teach me please
To get down on my knees so
You’ll listen when I say
I’ve lost everything.

Night riding through desert sands
Letting casualties bleed out
They know the way to better lands
Escape the ever spreading drought

An itch you cannot scratch,
Gnaws at your flesh
And tears your insides.
A parasite that lingers on
After any hope is gone
Every little exploit dies,
Breeds and lies,
Recaptivates you like a fool,
An everlasting bitter song
Which slays the need to carry on.

Each morning, the earth and sky meet,
At first lightly touching, eventually adjoining,
And finally presenting a blend of color,
A spectrum of pink, orange, and gold…
In all their glory.
The trumpets sound, signifying a new day,
Unlike every other, yet it is still Monday.
It seems the birds and insects congregate,
Preparing an intricate symphony,
An orchestra of billions of noises,
Each his own.
And still no one knows
Who has danced upon the grass,
Sprinkling flawless, spherical drops
Of water, frosted with glittering crystal,
Onto the earth on which we walk,
That seems so common by ten ‘o clock.
And shameful, I feel at times
When I miss the air at its cleanest
By an hour or two, or more;
When I miss the symphonic chirps,
The dampened grass and rainbow sky,
I am mournful.
Thought it seems I always recall
The orchestra performs again tomorrow
Around the time of dawn.

An odd thing, the sunrise,
For the moon doesn’t sting my eyes.
But each night the moon I’m expecting,
Yet the sun’s always such a surprise.

The evidence of a wretched lover
Presents itself as thus:
Crumpled tissues, dampened pillows,
Unruly blankets and sheets.
The wailing Venus is always blank,
With little affection to reap.
How could there be a joy in the world,
When all she does is weep?

Remember you I
Hate to admit I had you
You and your **** smile

I’m an elaborate drawing
Sketched ebony gray
Simple and smooth
Lines drawn only one way
Erase and redraw
Start it over again
But each time it’s the same
Only endless in pen