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I am surrounded by people
Who think my boyfriend is
Gay
Just because
He treats me with
Respect.
 Feb 2014 Marleny
Remus Cynclair
I kneel on the floor
Arms crossed over my chest
Clutching my shoulders
Grasping for some sense
Of reality.

I'm screaming
Screaming as loud as i can
But there's no sound
No-one hears me
I cant utter a word..
Ill just stay chained
Like an obedient dog.
But my bloods boiling
Hands shaking
World turning red
They all hurt me
All pity me but do NOTHING!
I'm just a sickly person
Someone to avoid
WELL *******!!
I'm a human being
I deserve love...
Don't i?
Or is this penance
For some sin?

I lay on the floor.
Clutching my knees to my chest
The floor is soaked with tears
i stand up and realize
No one cares.
I'll just occupy space
Until someone needs me
Don't take forever
I may not work very long
 Feb 2014 Marleny
Remus Cynclair
Who is this
I'm seeing in the mirror?
You aren't me.
Stop.
Stay out of my head.
I don't want this.
Leave me alone!
I HATE YOU.
Get out.
Leave me alone.
...
Like everyone else.
 Feb 2014 Marleny
Nat Lipstadt
these two hands, small, stubby,
nonetheless,
invite you to come aboard,
all, the unselected
all, the unprotected

the pretenders, outsiders,
hallway cool, self-collected,
girls who wear dresses,
boys who write in diaries,
Camus, Sartre hangers-on,
never-removed sunglasses wearers,
24/7

trip time,
comb your eyes,
system cleansing,
you, self-affected,
you, self-selected
you,
step away from the gallows,
get down from the scaffold

come to, for you, to get collected,
the unaffected,
the undirected,
road trip to the unexpected,
place where the disconnection is
disconnected,
where the unexpected, that's you,
expected

I know you well
I know you all

you are my desirables,
my touched untouchables,
wilderness voices,
no longer crying,
bound for greatness

from hands to pockets,
my chosen ones,
now my protected

No more unhappy birthday parties
that no one comes too
no need to pretend, sell love,
to the takers of advantage,

now on you breathe in an atmosphere
I've collected,
100% exhaled relief breaths,
purelled oxygen, fresh start air

no more disaffected,
now fuel injected,
now that you are
in and among the
touched, carried,
the affected,
the every poem read...
 Feb 2014 Marleny
October
discovered
 Feb 2014 Marleny
October
uncovered,
the truth is i'm lonely
my heart caught in unsure roaming
a need of connection
my heart has been led in so many wrong directions
hollow ready to be filled
this heart remains unhealed
unhealed from previous encounters
"be careful around her",
so they may say
my heart a motionless, yet open bay
rapture this heart crimson
and lay with me throughout my longing days
because this loneliness has to be an ending maze
a passing, meager haze
a hollow, inept phase
with the promise of fulfillment
the promise of a rose and golden resilience
the promise of the longing words "erase it" (this phase)
 Feb 2014 Marleny
Malachi Filius
These thoughts and feelings
flowing through me
affecting
every aspect of my being.
My brain  
receives and processes
the information
and then
reacts

No thought is needed

A highly functional automated algorithm
abiding by the learned lessons of interaction
and conditioning burnt into the once easily malleable
network of neurons that defines my personality

The heavy mask of logic and pride
so tightly wrapped
over the fabric of my true being
keeping me in this game

Yet

I chose to play
To identify
with this silly and burdensome sobriquet
To one day break free from the automated voice-mail
that responds apathetically to the glorified
archetypes, thought-forms, information
that originates from
God
creator of
signal and receiver
thought and mind
emotion and body

Once the original signal is found
a needle in a haystack
the mystery is opened
the opening of a book yet written

A beginning to all beginnings
An ending to all endings

this is you, here, now.

LIVE.  BE.
 Feb 2014 Marleny
Lucky Queue
blame
 Feb 2014 Marleny
Lucky Queue
I know I blame you
For the hurt and break
For the sickness and longing
And for the invisible barrier between us,
Thin and strong as spidersilk
I deemed you hardhearted
Mercurical in emotion
And swift to raise walls.
But perhaps I was too quick to judge.
After all, you came here at just eleven years
You were tormented by peers, much like me
Your family has been split and shattered
When we were together, we were so close,
I clung to you like a baby bird
But I think you clung to me as well,
I just didn't see it because you held differently
And your touch was so gentle.
You claim to be over me, and to have successfully
Forgotten what we had, even though you also
Claim to have loved me, right before the split
But I think your indifference, your shields and shells
Are made because you also were hurt and ache and
Are created if only to protect a tender belly and soft heart.
 Feb 2014 Marleny
Tommy
Last Light
 Feb 2014 Marleny
Tommy
He screamed 'have at you!'
And he ran towards the light
As you crouched,
Trembling in the corner

We all knew that he was wrong
But only you
Could have given us voice.

Only your thoughts were those that mattered
In the uncharted territory
He called a mind.

And so he wasn't stopped
And as you watched,
Your vision blurred by your tears.

You saw his soul tear in half
And his body crumble
As he was engulfed.

Your screams came too late.

There was no one there to tell him
That it wasn't what it seemed,
We were all blocked out
Of the intricate inner-workings of the puzzle,
Only you had the key.

I don't blame you for what happened to him,
It was his choice to begin with,
But I do so wish you could have spoken up,
Told him what he needed to hear.

He thought the light was this beautiful purity
Not the raging fire we knew it was.

It wasn't the burns that killed him,
Oh no,
It was the realisation
That it wasn't all perfect,

It was knowing
That the inherent evil he had always denied
Was real.

It was knowing
That we were right.

I don't blame you.
But he was our last light.
And we turned him into darkness.
 Feb 2014 Marleny
maybella snow
ironic how
those "asthma attacks"
weren't what anyone thought
ironic how
I took teddys or toys with me
everywhere, because I couldn't cope
ironic how
I took heaps of days off school
because I forced myself to be sick
ironic how
this happened when
I was younger
ironic how
I have had panic attacks
since I can remember
and my parents didn't know
what was wrong with me
ironic how
I've been at risk of depression
since a young child
and everyone thought I was
simply shy
ironic how
I've never been scared of death
psychologist said I've had anxiety since I was young and havebeen at risk of sever depression for ages... I guess it's no ones fault at all.. I'm just ****** up
 Feb 2014 Marleny
st64
(Blackened tissue beside debris of bleachd cocktail
Power pundit in cubicle
A ship in shadow-pieces passing by, unnoticed

smoking water.. now costs getting kickd  out ur xafe
Your blood lies in a high-account and all the stampz areMelting
Crawling in a desert, accusations shave the top off my black land
Did failing the test lead to a power-packed punch in strands
No time for treagedies clogging up the freeway
Twenty watts up the waterfall and your ride is here
Befits a ceremonial decapping
Catch ur vogue latte on the way out
Come aboard by jet and then expect a red carpet, soaked dry from the spoils of erstwehile-smugglers
Let em bleed green notes till the moths all come round the flame
Wait for it… the flame grows hugher… and int it all…………****!

That was easy.
Don’t chuckle out loud when expletives slidie down your back
Like champagne off the shoulder of your ne-xt planet’s ride

Duck in time cos the butters hard and the toast is dry

Four friends over six decades carry grudges heavey enough to pump oil to lakes
And the unexpected happens.. the one they didn’t watch, wwent missing
All eyes on the little one.. no, you didn’t catch them all.

You became immunes to the skills you advert-tarted and sqeueamish set in
you didn’t know casn host violence in a putrid-robe?
One finger pointing out, makes at least three in.. to the pointer
How can one planet swallow so wide a dichotomy in plasticky degrees?
It’s too wide this time to make that jump  – we will ingest what weve been giving all along
And some end up well-funded while others simply dwell..  as frogs in a well.


sun can climb in sometimes, but for half an hour
their fingers are small for the mine, keep small the issue
don’t cry when it rains in expectorata
I think frogs can swim.

when do I ever learn that..  
I am simply a frog in a well
near craxks )*


21feb
cant make this jump.
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