Tonight,
watch as the stars fall
and burn everything
in its path.
feel the twinkle
in your eyes vanish
as you feel its wrath.
like stars, love will enchant
your eyes and heart
with a promise.
a promise of a beautiful night.
but behind its grandeur
is its nature
to engulf in torment
everything it
touches.
if only you can get closer
and experience its deceit.
then you'll wonder
and question,
if it's that beautiful why is it out of reach?

I am worn down, exhausted and depleted; tired of self.

I am torn down by the mediocrity of men and women that
cannot see the façade that blinds themselves and captures
their thinking, rendering them ineffective, therefore they lash out with
false perceptions, unwilling to embrace and acknowledge
the error that lies within their own garden of eden and deception locks
their tongues tightly choking out the very breath used to speak
hypocritically of others.

From the outside in I see myself standing in a crowded space
within “my being” and all of the chatter of endless voices critiquing
“the me inside of me” confuses and distorts my ability
to comprehend  the distance and direction I should be traveling in.

I keep “bumping into myself many times over”
because self will not move out of my way
to allow me to gauge the time and distance it will take
to straighten my path.
I am stuck in the creases of my frown,
it being sometimes dark inside,
yet striving “upward” to a place of stability,
knowing that my end is “far yet to come”.

With instruments of humility leading me,
“something” within the interior of my mind
sands the walls of my thoughts down to clarity,
assisting me in an uncomplicated manner.

This  allows me,
to perceive the portrait
of self,  I have created, and
this complex dilemma I live in
forces me to embrace the contents of the “self perceived” reality around me,
making it easy…. and freely…for me
to “escape the abrasiveness” of the way
“I” see, ‘I” think about…and the way “I” judge myself
when it is not necessary…

©2013

It is said, to overcome and conquer and enemy,
You have to know him better than you know yourself.

This enemy I know well.

He plays on me to my strength,
but I will not be drawn in,
enticed by,
or seduced in this intellectual exchange,
a battle of the soul’s wit.

He encamps around about me
picking at the scabs of my many afflictions
until they bleed out my many transgressions and memories displaced.
He knows my innermost secrets.

He hides in the shadows of my fallacies articulating my intentions,
plotting on my next move.
He strikes with malice in his right hand,
and with fear and intimidation in his left
releasing the venom of self deception,
paralysis to my self, esteemed.

He knows me well; falling back into the abyss
of my many false realities created by my conscious,
he
knows
me.

In the end I count my losses, bludgeoned by defeat, but
his miscalculations has not seen the prophecies foretold as
I have sewn seeds of new life in the fields of my emptiness.

This is a warring encounter unrelenting,
fighting me to my end.
Although outwitted by my ingenuity,
He attempts to still chain, restrain and defame my life to be,
but I will not give in.

I know my nemesis
very
well.
For he, is me…

My own worst enemy.

© 2013

Am I not allowed to be angry
when that time comes and all you give are singular respnoses
I grit my teeth
I grind them
each tooth clinks against the other
like domino pieces pulled together in a heated game.

Can we end this cat and mouse game
or am I too presumptous in even thinking that youre playing?
Am I even on your radar, or have you forgotten me already

How do I pretend and act as if I'm not waiting (impatiently)
for a call from you, to even hear your voice, I can only feign apathy
for so long.

I want now to apologize.
this does not come easily
but know
from my heart to yours, I am bleeding out
love, nourish your own
and forgive me
for I did not know
the truth.