Next month its my good friend muddbutt's death anniversary
I remember when I first met him
What a first great impression
With each passing visit he became a closer friend
From a brother to the end
He is now an angel flying in the heavens
A victim to a gruesome hit and run
He was taken before his time was up
But in this life god takes god gives
I hate to question why
Never any answers only tears in my eyes
They say not to stand at their grave and cry
We had lots of good times
Swimming at red rock diving off rocks
Hitting up girls to come and hang out
He was always one for an adventure
I miss him everyday and I wish we had time for one more muddbutt adventure

It's a sick love affair
An abusive relationship I ******* beat her
It never fails she is always there
Telling me begging me saying babie just one more won't hurt
But it does I should have known better
Most call it alcohol but she calls me her one love
Just like the bob marley song
I rather smoke a blunt but she insists I have another shot
I take her by the handle
I put my thirsty lips to the bottle
Down goes another
She has me ****** up because in the morning my head pounds
A sick love affair my girlfriend can't stand her
She becomes upset when she catches us together
She is my other lover but I'm trying to end it with her
Both jealous of each other
I know who I want and its not the bottle
I use to love her but I can not any longer
**** that love affair
I want my real love sober and alert
Tired of those foggy mornings
Wondering how I got home
Too scared to answer my phone
I rather hide behind close doors
I want to be done with those
**** that love affair I am telling her its over

Two girls two hearts two different lives
I do not want to break any hearts
I do not want to ruin any lives
I can't say one is better than the other
But I know I love one more than the other
They both have my heart but I can only have one
Trying to do without my selfish ways but
All I can do is think about myself today
I want to say **** love but I need love
I need her love I need their love
I am lost because I can only have one
I am not one to break a young woman's heart
Things get real and one has to break apart
It is not just one heart but both our hearts breaking apart
I am not very smart when it comes to this thing called love
I use to play hard but I know I just fall hard

When I arise in the early mornings
I eagerly look forward to writing several curious stories
When I go to bed at night my active mind runs wild with new poems
I have all these wonderful ideas
I can not put them on paper quick enough
I tell myself I need to invest in a tape recorder
I find that when I am driving in my car
I have some of the best creative thoughts
I can not get it all on paper quick enough
If I did not write I would be done with
My closet is full of skeletons but amongst all them there is stacks of paper and pen
Notebooks and journals from way back then
When I die I need them to know I existed

At a young age I discovered every child's nightmare
When I was born I was going to be put up for adoption
Growing up after I found that out
I told myself to be better than the rest
It was always repeating it in my head
I didn't want to be my mother's regret
Too much pressure for a kid only going on ten
I tried my hardest to be the best
I wanted my ma to be thankful she kept me instead
Now a days I feel I like I failed and I'm just like the rest
In her eyes I feel like I am a hot mess
All I ever wanted was not to be her regret
It hurts to wonder if she really feels this way
After all these years she isn't aware that I know the truth
I wish I could tell her that I am not failure
But my actions speak louder than my words
I never intended to be this way but I stumbled along the way
Still making a recovery
I guess i have to accept that I could possibly be my mothers regret