I need a spark of truth
A doting girl to establish love again
In my world of cutting pain
A pain that embeds and does not subside
An agony twisting and turning.

I feel your pain too
A double dose, a double shot,
I feel your anger, your rage,
The words you put on the crumpled page.

The daze I find myself occupying
Helps me to eradicate unwanted thoughts
Which used to play out in a sequence of brutal events
Where ghosts fight with tyrants, and angels fight with hellfire,
My mind is a messy affair, dusty but clear enough to hurt me.

You are observing my destruction, the world’s destruction,
It is all coming down, crumbling on our unhealthy cognitions,
Dreams are too far gone, love is stuck in a capsule of misery,
And the hope list is haemorrhaging ink.

We are truly dying.

The Foundations Of Love.

Tonight we face the biggest fear
They have taken her through
To the immaculate room
Where wires and beeping noises
Become interconnected.

There’s no silence deep enough to count
There’s conversations of a complex nature
People flap like birds, and the space,
Starts to fill up and human spirit falls.

The beeps soar into louder frequencies
We’re scared, rooted to the ground,
Our legs won’t move, our hearts pulsate,
Our dreams begin to fade into a grey
Thicker than smoke from the industrial wasteland.

Empty shells, we’ve become hollowed out mannequins, with no feeling left,
To pull the sheets over our faces
To stop this scene from freezing our souls.

The light confirms that we’re frozen
To the middle of this room
The beeps fade, and we’re seeing pictures of her, moving close to the frame, and her tiny fingers smudge the glass.

This isn’t a dream
It’s what a fever does to you
We’re sick, but she’s critical,
Holding onto the world
The foundations of love.

We disband from each other
Our eyes open
And the beeping sound comes in force,
She’s alive, sinking back into a life,
She’s frail, her optimism drawn from times of great strength.

They stand back, and the light outweighs the greyness,

‘’ She’s alive, and you’re back in the room’’

I paint sunsets on walls
To cover the blood of old
And tiny handprints.

Forward a day
And the sunset outside
Rises up and the radiance is beautiful
A natural embrace.

For me,
The darkness has not faded
It is there, embedded in my head,
Covering the dreams that had light.

And he left,
Disgraced and demoralized by his actions,
He spoke in his nightmares
Screaming too,
About the past and demons.

My heart had been shaken
By alarming instances
When the shades were pulled shut
And the blood rushed to my head.

I was down on my luck
Penniless and scorned by society
Outnumbered by tainted people.

Those days are still instilled in me
Snapshots of misery.

The storm is coming
A crash, a tornado to rip through
Our shaking bodies
And we still grasp onto the the thin
Fabric of companionship.

I wish we could silence the noises,
The cutting voices, the blunt answers, the rasping chants,
And rediscover normal conversations.

Hurt has toppled us
Rippled through our life’s
In this room Armageddon begins to
Take shape
Rallying its demonstration of destruction.

Love burns at this moment in time
Nothing can halt it from flaking into
Nothingness
It was our cure, ever so pure.

The sun is setting on our dreams
Seeking redemption for the faults we created is unreachable
We can’t just perish?

This isn’t a call for forgiveness
Or a chance to stake a claim
It’s a war story...

Paper thin walls will reveal the truth
The pills will disconnect us from the world
Our hands are dry and weak
We can barely carry the bottle
Of wine to the end point
At the edge of oblivion.

We forget the days
As we find ourselves captured in a daze
Unwanted memories
Burden us
We need holy water to wash away
Our sins.

Coping is difficult
When the world shuts us down
When we’re disenchanted
Neglected by the powers at be
We’re harshly underrated
Understated.

Forgiving these *******
Is going to take guts and reason
We don’t want to forgive and forget
We want to walk through the flurry
Of skepticism
Alive and well.

We’re junkies
Latching onto society
Like leeches
But we want change
We want to correct what we’ve done
Burst from these cocoons of strain.

My father taught me to believe
It’s hard to
It’s difficult to mould a direction
Which is smooth  
And untangled.

But we can honour our strengths
Surrender when we need to
But never give into politics
Never feed the system.

Forgive me for drinking all of our wine
I was hooked on misery, inside a bubble of complacency,
Running from my own demons, sinking deeply into ruin,
Exerting my heart for once, I’m now breathing with difficulty,
Catching a common cold.
You deserve more
A better man
A traveller who is cultured
Who loves everything you say and seek?
But I can’t dictate your feelings
Why should I?
I’m not in your head or fondling with your thoughts.
My oblivion is rooted
I search for clarity
All I find is blurry lines
I try to master breaking the habit
All I do is drink more
And become expressionless
Anti-social and unforgivable.
You were my escape artist
Sneaking out at night
Playing with fire
Saluting the flames
Like bands of brothers
And I would lie there
On a cut up mattress
Sinking enough painkillers to **** the agony.
This thirst
Prolonging the pain
I hate water
Only wine will help
Only ***** burns.
Silence is golden
When you are used to it
I prefer blaring TV sets
And people talking about realism
And sobriety
But I’m such a hypocrite.
You fall into the doorway
Drunk and drugged to the heavens
Boring me with sob stories
And grievances.
I strive for better days
But we sink profoundly into a daze
So potent
So strong
So ******.

There lies the hope
Shattered into small intricate pieces
Left to be blown away by a strong current.

And darling you destroyed my world
Left me hanging together
Like thinning thread
Bleeding from a profound wound
Stinging to the touch.

My God I've seen so much over the years
The Black Death screaming to take me
The drunks counting their loose change
For one golden can of cheap beer
Drinking it like the thirst is undying
Like the magic is there
Inside something that leads to more
Havoc.

I rejected the chance to become a man of my word
I crawl into a hole every night
Drunk to the stars
Grasping onto a swollen envelope of love letters.

And it strikes me
I'm impure
My liver is descended in liquid
My heart is unqualified
And this haze is thicker than the mist
That powers through this town in the light of morning.

Part II

I wake to a stricken morning
A snowy wind hitting against the windows
The tress screaming out
Swaying at an almighty pace.

I swallow two painkillers
To set me up to fail
I dress my aching body
Managing not to break bones.

I take a drink of cheap wine
Nasty on the tongue
Deeply putrid
I think it might be off
Swimming in dirtiness
Curdling my uneasy gut.

My hands are dry
My beard is itchy
My life is swollen like a abscess
Ready to release ****.

The TV blares out politics
I scorn the man
Spitting his woes
His laughable thoughts
His damaged world
For all to **** on.

I go through old boxes
Of pictures
And letters
Stacked up like a small skyscraper
I look at her angelic eyes
Her enchanting face.

I can't leave her to rot in a box

I place the picture as a centrepiece
For me to look at when I'm feeling

Tired of living.