If they could bottle my mind
It would explode an incoming tide
If they could slaughter my pride
I would die tonight.

Cigarette burns on my jeans
Coffee and whiskey stains on my lips
Burrowed drunken tendencies
Making me do things I regret
From fighting sleep to breaking noses
And deadly plunges into despair.

I know I have to withstand
Refrain from frightening myself again
Near death experiences have become the norm
I'm a morbid thinker anyway
Deeply trying to find a sense of harmony
A melody in a disjointed song.

Memories are of hazy days
Drinking and scratching walls
Waiting for them to bleed
But my fingers do so
Painfully spilling crimson
Over immaculate floors.

I seek redemption and a upscaled life
Full of blooming flower pots
And love
I seek energy so I can run a marathon
To the other side of this world
Grasping onto my heart as I do so
Keeping my guts intact.

My funeral should be empty
I don't know anyone who would want to sit through it
I'm ain't charming or socially acceptable
So why would they want to read out an eulogy of warmth for me?

And onto love I go
Trying to capture the essence of it
Preaching to God about it
Manipulating its strain
Offering it to strangers who drink with me
Because they feel sorry for me.

And then I wake up to a groggy feeling
A taste so dire
I would rather drink my own ****
And tell all my secrets
To the world.

Marry my good side
And shatter my bad side
Empty pride into a cup of ***** laced orange juice
And drink up
It may sting
It may make you sick
But it'll burn your throat
And your dreams away.

I was once a dashing prince
In my own castle
In my mind
I was a man of power
Of glory and hope
But truthfully I look like a corpse
Dragged through a gutter
With snapped tendons in my hands.

I sit it in this club for hours
Drinking straight up whiskey
Ordering so many that I'll be dead
Before it's all drunk
And then she appears in front of me
Beautiful in an organic kind of way
Deeply rooted in elegance.

It must be an illusion
No one this well rounded would want to speak to my washed up self
But she does speak
Offering me advice
On how to live a stable life.

I listen carefully
To her words
She's creative
Like a wordsmith
A dream catcher
A painter of a scene.

She grabs my glass and throws it at the wall
She takes my hand
And tells me I won't fall
She orders me to drink coffee
Enough to waken my soul.

She saved me from myself
A princess of the night
A girl draped in white.

In this apartment I sit
With her head on my lap
She sleeps, snores even
But it drowns the voices in my head.

The TV show is glitzy and fake
Lovers kissing at every take
Their optimism sickening to watch
Their eyes have never seen hurt
Or death
Or knife wounds.

I grab a cigarette
I smoke it to the end
I drink a beer
I drink it to the end
This pattern only points to one outcome
Oblivion.

She wakes
Kissing me on the cheek
Whispering
'Let's ****' in my ear
With haste I jump up
And scream
You cheated on me
Why would I?

I think the rats heard me
As they scampered into the crevices
Hiding away as my wrath begins to widen.

She sits back and takes it
Looking on at me with bloodshot eyes
And a smirk.

She grabs her stuff
And leaves me to cascade into despair
Another beer will be drunk
Another piece of love broken by a deceit.

Come with me to the land of promise
Or lie there drunk and out of luck
Teetering on the brink
You were such a miracle to me.

The outside world scares you
It makes you itch
It makes you anxious
You are blinded by the sun
And reckless by the minute.

I don't know how to save you
From your own destructive ways
My armour has been pierced
And my skin begins to itch like yours.

I would walk with you through the blustery weather
To the place where people let go
Where people kiss the ground
A sacred place of harmony.

These last days have been hell
We've been drinking to the ticking
Of the clock and chiming of the church bells.

We've been mourning lost souls
And bashing our heads off of stern walls
Trying to piece together some sort of realisation.

I'm misunderstood just like you.

Forget me my darling
As I try to resolve the situation
My hands are shaking
My mind is needy
I hope to live for one more minute or so
To see you leave with a smile upon your face.

The bottle stared me down
I smashed it upon a stone
I almost cut through my arms
To feel the pain and the blood trickle
But I refrained and cried a little.

You see
I’m losing it all
I’m incomplete
Broken to the core
Trying my utmost
To turn it all around.

My prayers go unheard
They’re focused on her
More so that God
Will I be struck down?

The answer to your question
Is yes
I’m unwilling
And fear ridden.

Make me a drink
Grab me a lover
Sentence me to life
In their arms.

I’m not the cause of all my problems
She left me boiling in the summer sun
Dry in the mouth
Dry on the mind.

I’ll commit to the life
I’ve been given
Just give me another drink
From the fountain of my poison.

My heart pulsates
For you
A broken-hearted traveller
A disguised heroine
With battle scars.

I hope to see us in another light
We've been trapped in darkness
For too long
Damaged and impaired
Disgusted by the world.

My heart goes out to you
And my hand stretches
It's heavy
And limp.

I'm been drunk for days
I never honoured sobriety
Since I started a whole lifetime ago
My liver itches for it, my lips ache for it.

You're a dreamer
A constant dreamer
Building fables in your head
Dancing for luck
In streets of seediness and danger.

My love
Commit to me
Commit to life
I might be drunk
But I'm with you this time.

Rage and love
Hazards and power
I'm a grafter
But I can't build us a dream just yet.

A bitter taste
In a blistered mouth
A harsh shot of *****
Distracts the pain
Of a broken tooth.

Today I battled with a habit
That has fabricated my intentions
It has changed my perception
Of the world I live in
And the abuse I cause myself.

She’s an engineer
Of creativity and hope
And I walk in drunk and helpless
Into her bathroom
Sick over the tiles
And then I seek more.

What kind of person am I?
A killer of all things bright and beautiful
A medicated deliverer of bad news.

The piano she plays so sweetly
And she sings a little too
I hold back the tears
And drink until my eyes can’t see.

What if I pretend to be normal?
Will others respect me?
Will they see my flaws?
And the dishonesty run with my tears.

I cry so much
I’ve crossed so many
I’ve seen so much agony
And I breathed in so much smoke
From my Mother’s cigarettes.
This is the life I lead
Damaged and broken
Corroded with mishaps and instances
That I’m not proud of.

I could deliver a speech
To her and the world
I must take time to write it
With precision and fluency
Relevance and intent.

Watch me falter
Or see me rise.

Let’s waltz
Into the light
Let the darkness
Chase us
We’re playing a game
Of hide and seek.

I love you and your bones
They’re so fragile
And I’m so stubborn
I’ll never hug you too hard.

The thread of fear
Has broken
We’re free of judgement
A twosome with fierceness
In our eyes.
The creative spark
I have in me
Has turned into fire
It will be lit forever.

I’m going praise you
Here goes
You’re such a believer
You’re such a hopeful character
A diamond in the rough
You’re like a rope
That holds our bond together.

This is a love story
That is louder than words
So we begin
Our journey
Of tranquillity.

Keep me breathing
For a little more time
Before I fall into a state of shock
Barricade off the onslaught
Of people that want to disband me
Of this chance.

Tonight I'll note
The number of times
I've felt alone
Crushed by my own dependency.

The picture of good health
Walks the streets
She's mocking me
And I just stand here
Crumbling under the sun
Melting into the chewing gum
Laced pavements.

I'm a disaster
With peace trying to get into my system
But my body rejects
Anything that is good.

I'm a pessimist
Lowering myself into hell
I used to be an opportunist
Now I see too much blackness
To uncover the light.