with a watchers patience
he unfolded the chair
rusted to the doorstep
with fine grains of red
like a thousand fingers
wander till the cold dawn breaks
searching for my souls ease

your life is the slamming
of typewriter keys
to paint with crafted words the world you would dream
the world she would love you in
your life is the desperate holding at bay the hours evaporating
into a future you cannot
comprehend
but fret over

like the wringing of sweaty hands
pacing the hall
small bald fat men
with neatly pressed brooks brothers suits
but fret over like the well greased
plans and carefully laid desings
of another mans futures past misgivings

i fought with all i had
i gave all my heart and soul
till my very bones ached
fought till i could bear no more
till i fell
in the first breakers of dawn
in the first shallow fingers of dawn

these battered days

kept in an old tin cup

like the mutterings of defining moments

spycraft used by gutter punk girls

and the long hours of pestilence

inquire as to the day

but i am hobbled by the lack

of words



and my vision is

jacked up by impurity's in my dope

and

this is not a rig...its a railroad spike

she leans in to steal some

and i ****** it back

then just to confound her

i hand her all my dope

take it

ill get more

and i kiss her

i got an extra bus ticket
for the redhead
she may come with us
she and my girl sleep toghter all the time
i dont know
menages a trois
work somtimes
but not allways

any action brings
intolerable dreams
inaction is not possible
decree of destitution
the image to impart to you
is a small framed window
single paine glass
old old glass
the kind that gave little more
than greasy distorted image
and the contained within is the fleeting distant
cries pleading and warning
calling for hope within a
decree of destitution
both a wretched creature malformed and ill
and man stout and fair within the same coffin of flesh
innocence vilified

as if they were mere
words these phrases i throw
down on the page with the haste of rage
as if mere words could blast and sunder stone
as these have the cold rock of my heart
as if mere words could rip screaming vengeance
from the blood faces of a battlefield
but that is the nature of warring desires
within the cage of one mans soul
no....these words i wrest from burning rage
are not passing fancy on some distant summers day
but the very fingers of ****** clawing for
purchase on vile enemy's throat
the very sweat of the embittered battle between
sworn foe
but that is the nature of warring desires
within the cage of one mans soul

i cannot contain my fear
it run rampant in the fresh planted fields
of plans come to naught
my rancid terror dances and tramples
thru the ordered lines of what we have built
my horror
feeds loose and hungry
on the fallow crop
distorted and screaming obscenity's  at your soft skin
the discharge of pointless angers
retort to my hope
i cannot remain seated here a moment longer

my lover wrapped in white linens
with the small breezes stirring
the curtains
with the first rays of summer morning breaking on her brow
like wild horses scatter full of the power of beauty and purity
with the power of my desire for her
my lover
she lay in my arms
warm and breathing softly
and i tenderly kiss her lips
and tell her that she is my temple
she is a epic adventure that i open each day
to find what wondrous vista she will teach me
what deep mystery she will unlock before me
to find the wonder and beauty i find exploring her and her sweet form
to know her
to be with her
in her
to see the world thru the hope i find in her bright eyes
to see each-other in the everyday of our lives
isn't so hard
when its with someone like her

shatterproof smiles
like nineteen sixties plastic american sunshine
on the faded walls
if it was something a "la la la la" song could solve
then he wouldn't be up all night
pacing the hall wringing his clammy hands
whispering over and over
that we have come as far as we can hope to
how can i get you that one step further
shatterproof smiles
look great but they have no love
look super-duper on t.v.
but they wont be there in your darkest hour

but he waits for her
a good egg his mom always said
cause thats what they promised him
a perfect girl with a shatterproof smile
a perfect painting of plastic sunshine
a glittering prize
an empty space behind bright blue eyes

she is one of them
her glory ***** scrapbook
is filled with the blood traces of those
she has severed from their loved ones
and it smells of hard dirt
it smells of unquenchable thirst
she is now years behind me
and so is the monster she choose to be
shes a fast song now
feet too swift to spend a maidens moments
tarrying over the bouquets of roses at graveside
too swift to shed a tear for the children left behind
too swift to see the cost of her heartlessness

a fast song to spin the mind from the hearts ache
from the souls vanquish

i am alone on the long empty street
i see her as a wave of destruction approaching
over the miles and years
and nothing looks more lonely to me
nothing looks more void of humanity
than the look in her eye

i left you behind years ago
monster with perfect shatterproof smiles
and you will never never know what my answer was

and the day ends at last
as we close our door to the
leaving of our last
drunken friend happy on his way home
sweep away the wine glasses
and put up the remnants of our feast
our friends left their loves
all around us
and that warms our souls
and the springtime night
all round us
turn up the sheets and lets escape
into eachother
into your sweet arms

i will wake tommorow
and will live again in your smile
and i will breath again in your laugh

but tonight lets just watch
that movie we like
and make love
drift off
in the middle of the night
not a worry to be found
not a thing stands in our way

and she whispers to me
tomorrow is almost here lover
and i will find it in your arms
i will find all my tomorrows in your arms

that ***** old scumbag
but thats the thing
he wasnt really

like the rest of us
caught in a web
he did what he had to do

one of the few who was kind to
me in my folly
he remembered that im a human being
when all others just saw meat
i hope when i go someone remembers me
better than they have him

a couple of young kids
left him od'd in a bathtub
in a eviction apartment
like some peice of old furnature

goodbye my friend
i hope you find peace on the other side

the grave diggers son
rises before the dawn
out into the cold morning
out into the vast fields of the dead
this is not the future he saw
for himself
a farmer of the macabre
he plants them
firmly underground
but nothing grows
nothing good comes of it

this vast architecture of finality
this field of mourning and tears
this cold place of death
a place that others would rather forget
yet they build miles of marble
and years of art
in this quiet foreboding place
afraid if we dont honor the power
that can ****** the
life from us at any time
then perhaps it will come seeking vengeance

the gravediggers son
his hands ache from all the death he must
touch
from all the loss he sees and feels

this is not the life for me
he swears to himself in a whisper
as he has every day for thirty years
i will escape this place
dont plant me in the fields of the dead

there is a quickness to the light in her eyes
there is a memory to the sandalwood scents
and the steam train of her thoughts

captures the soul
in the soft tangle of her hopes
in the the gentle web of her bright dreams
and you can loose so much and still
find a home here in her embrace

she meets you in a pizza shop
and sips wine and smiles at your advances
she will take you
and she will be wild all over you
when shes ready
but for now she just wants to enjoy the day
she wants to enjoy holding your hand


captures the soul
in the soft tangle of her hopes
in the the gentle web of her bright dreams
and you can loose so much and still
find a home here in her embrace
find comfort in her safe haven

you told me that if i tried
that if i followed
we could be
we would be
you told me that nothing
would stand in our way
we would be lovers forever and forever
and you would never let go of my hand

bobby's mind wanders
his momma said hes a good boy
but he has grown to be an old man now
and there is nobody left to gauge if hes still good or not
he gathers himself in the bus stop corner
out of the rain

he scans the ground for dropped coins
and his gaze falls
on a crumpled bright paper
one corner shows a crinkled face
its a sinister face
he unfolds it
and unfolds the paper too

all the years fall away from his eyes
troubles slip away into the darkness
all the things that
he should have, could have, disappear

the paper leads him to the tower
and the wretched machine spins slowly back to life
he takes his place
in the dusty room slowly turning the hand crank
unfolding two hundred sinister faces
unleashing two thousand bare feet knuckling
the threadbare carpet leading to sunshine

it isnt what you think that traps you
its what you feel
its the past you have not faced and defeated
its the things you fear
its what they make you feel

unfolding two hundred sinister faces
and they feed on his weakness
by making him feel strong
eats at the scarred surface of his soul

filled with shades of yesterday
the river road's thick air labors
in my chest
as the intangable wall of
blind rage
strikes again and again in thoughts
too powerful for wishfull thinking to deny

fists clenched slamming down
on the ungiving pavement gives only
voice to the uselessness of this rage
it has neither reason or goal
it simplly bleeds thru awake mind
it simply breeds like a disease
an infection of the moral soul
with shades of rationalizations

they printed a book
and built a church to their
god of lies
and the misguided truths others hold as
a path of reason

scape goat to their inadequacy
lambs to the slaughter the fresh recruits
stare in wide eyed wonder at the drawn blades
dont it look like nirvana when what your leaving behind
didnt wear such a sweet smile
some things will never change
they learned that in the great war
they learned that in the feilds of cambodia
the monsters feed and their
lips red with blood
...smile...
death is never frightened
its allways has a smile

the river road far behind
but its taint lingers
as all evil men will
long after their due date
rotting in plain sight
but nobody can afford to strike the tent
and bury the corpse
after all he was a celebrated smile
he was a devil to dish the news
and loved to lend a helping hand
but only if that hand held a blade

if i had only closed my eyes
if i had only turned my back
i would not be here today
wither that be a good thing or nay
waits in the wings

get me out of here

it had  rained all night
and the damp clung to my soul as i walked
pale sky riding high above
the few stars that shone now faded
if i had only closed my eyes to the wrong
if i had just turned my back
but i have allways been a fighter
a fool tilting my lance at windmills to
right the wrongs
but you cant fight lies
they just add more lies
and im so sick of these oceans of lies

the room glowing in the warm light
of the slowly fading fire in the hearth
the wine has made me lightheaded
your head resting on my shoulder
the moments that we lay here
seem like forever
and forever is never long enough
its snowed all night
and i can taste the crisp cold from here
not a thing disturbs
the gentle sound of your sleep
and i cannot help but brush back the strand of hair
that has fallen across your face
i love you forever
and forever is never long enough
nothing is more improtant to me
than you and our child

it was the middle of the night
and i had not thought to find anything
in such a place as this
dark and desolate
had not thought to open a door to
a pale sky rides overhead
stars barly showing thru
the city light
our new day had begun
without fanfare or celebration
just a pair of train tickets
to a distant shore

she is a poem is pajamas
an unfinished Picasso fresh from the shower
she is a watercolour painted along the
moments of my day
in bright vibrant colours
running along my thoughts
as fluid as the delicate turns of her laugh
shes not just a woman
shes a universe and a summer day
wrapped in a rose printed dress
shes a intoxicating potion and a carefree laugh
iv never wanted to be anywhere but here
holding her and breathing her
loving her
drinking in her every moment
she is a poem in pajamas

dry winds blowin all night
pushin the grey sky north
pushing the storm into me
put my boots on the hardscrabble

looked out to see
the ruin of a homestead burned
in the wilderness
long forgotten
these stones once gathered
and placed with care
now scattered to the winds
now cold without the love that they once contained
without the love the once protected
just like me
just like me

the night passes slow
and i find little comfort in the sheets
my mind flows far distant
my bones rest uneasy in this cold place
my heart turned to dust long ago
but it still feels
and the feelin that grows in my soul
and the knowledge that grows in my soul
there is distant voices that call
where are you tonight
why arnt you here in my arms
with me
mine

put my boots to the hardscrabble
i go to find you
out there in the world
you are my lover
and i need you in my arms
as much as i need air to breath

morning drifts in the the window
and touches her dreams
stirring her to a whisper
she calls to me
and tho i am right next to her
my mind is lost in far away night
a fast fast train
thru the shadows of a distant land
and there is only silence
that holds me pen to paper
that holds me idea to the forge

when i was a younger man
it was a simple thing
knowing and seeing
knowing right and seeing the way to go
but this grey is more than in my beard
its in my mind
its in my soul

she reaches out to me
brushing my tangle from my brow
tells me to wake, wake lover
but i cling to this shore
i cling to this quiet place where none
can follow
where none can take me from this peace
i crave with a weary soul

just about gone
have little to dream on anymore
have nothing to build on
im ready to go home
im ready to go home
i am on the waves
i am on the fast ship thru a dark night
feel it thunder neath  me
feel its power as it races the years
as it draws me away from this dawning day
into the mysterious  night

pull the blanket closer
and stare unseeing into the flames dance
hope that shadows pass
hope that just desserts are served up elsewhere
dance with a practiced aire
out the way out the steam train
rollin like thunder
down to the gates of hell
but you got caught up by a celebrating hand
and its the eternity in flames
its the barrows of cold
that your bound

pull the blanket closer
cant find warmth in the words
that fill this page with gallows image
that fill your heart with cruel memory
and you look to the east
but no dawn ever approaches this desolate place
no hope will rescue you
no lover to find you this time
no warm soul to share with
the hours

and its on this
steam train rollin like thunder
to the gates of hell
that i find you sittin
waiting for judgement
dealing out a hand of cards
its aces and eights'
and a blade
that im gonna rob ya of everything you
ever took from me
im your special place in the fiery hell
thats your punishment
to meet me here and be beaten by me

contrive to be the one
standing at the center
to be the one in the limelight
and high society gives you a warm welcome
with a practiced hand you
manipulate the air
to produce the wind
and it blows cold right thru my soul
and i know that i am no longer welcome
in the great halls
in the family's kitchens
in the fields of maidens

with a professional eye
line up the targets
to resemble me
and people think that its so charming
but i taste the poisons in your unseeing glances
i sense the malice in your every gesture

its in your shoe print
in the sand of some  woman's ****** shore
its in the words you scrawled on the headstones
of scared churches
laughing with filth in your dark soul
its in the deathbeds of the trail of victims
you have left behind every doomed road you travel

with a cage round your eye
you think to keep
your intent within
but it seeps clear like a river
of dirt and death
and falls to the silk ground
and curls there like a viper

i must flee you
because i see you
your no Prussian prince
your tyranny in the satin sheets
your a well trained assassin with a clean glove
covering the lepers touch underneath

i must flee
i must flee

time
no timid creature
its  leathery skin
its unseeing eye
moves thru the dark
between our worlds
a shattered place of promises we had
thought to keep
things we had gathered thinking to
build a world with
loves we had vowed
to keep or a avenge

time is making a new man of me
time is making new roads of your future
time is our lover and our nemesis
time is the jackal that feeds on
our hopes'
time is the farmer who sows the seed
of the growing hope you have in your cold cold eye

time is the reason i am now
so afraid
in this dim light motel room
with paper winged nightmares spreading across
the landscape of my dreams
time is the reason i hope
that we can flee

time is a viper
that is in the dust and dark
your grasping fingers
and your weeping
your educated whispers in denial
are just invitation
to the vipers kiss

release me from your side
release me fool
i dont share your wish to die
time is drawing near
i must flee
i must flee

innocence eyes and the social smile
and her neatly carved appearence
is what strikes me as she flows across
the doorstep
because everything about that
face is false and it speaks for itself loudly
in a harsh and violent voice
but the world accepts that
better that the face of things
are neat and clean
it matters little what lay benith
but reality is pornographic
and it will skull *******
death has a hardon for more death

the darkness has an allure
may look so attractive
mystery and adventure
silence the things chasing you

but take care my friend
its a bitterman who eats bitter breads
and stands back from his fellow man
its a mindful man who shares the warmth of
his hearth and home

no good will ever come from this thing
this darkness that you adore
it gives you a sense of belonging
that is really the feelin of being consumed alive
no fitting fate for one such as you
she is beyond all aid
or recourse of the worlds cold hand


long pause
filled with the soft sound of her bringing herself to
******
in the bed
across the vast dark room


her voice reached out to me
with a feeling of tears
soft and smooth as silk
'this is not how it was supposed to be'


her voice captivates me
captures me with feather bonds
entice me down the dim hall
in the humid night
to the sanctuary of her arms

headlong into the night
this memory is like a mountain that i must climb
no ordinary woman
no beer hall dance song

this is no ordinary love
this is passion
this is what life is meant to be