she wanders up to me aimless
her tears scream in whispers
both hands knotted in her unwashed hair
she bursts out with a desperate plea
'release me from the unseen hands
of a long dead predator
**** the monsters that chase me and
unleash me like a feral beast'

I slip away into the forest of chairs
before morning group
fishing in my mud coffee for answers
look for sunshine in the medications
before the storm of thoughts can darken me

this cold wall place
this hard mattress escape
fortress of inner demons
hides more than just the dark face of abandon souls


no wonder his arm is a mass of scars
no wonder the man in the corner
spends his days weeping for a broken blade of grass

all of us in this dark cold place
all of our tears are screams inside of whispers

spent all night
tinkering with it
till it ran like a kittens purr
on fresh bowl of milk

spent hours
shining and polishing
till she gleamed like a fire engin
rolled out for parade

an old mans poem
creaking and held toghter
with bits of tape and more
than a few tears

and the laughing talking wondering
crowd walks by without a word
to marvel at some young mans
novel new fangled huffing puffing
poem machine

this is no ordinary night
she was here
her perfume still lingers in the shadows
the snow cannot cool the heat she left on my lips
cannot cool the fire she started in my heart
she gave me all her soul contained
gave me her candle light jazz bar nights
gave me satin warm love benith the stars

alone with every tender inch
alone with her knowing
with her
inside with everything she has to give

nights have never been so long
the world has never been more mine
than in her arms
the soft scent of roses and that white dress
she gave me her candle light jazz bar nights
her endless nights on the sheets
as her man...her only ever man

this is no ordinary love
this is passion
now a fever burns in my mind
now a maddness burns in my heart
now she is in me
consumes me with a fire cool and deep
a love that can never be undone
a bond that can never be forgotten

The night soft filled with the scent of roses
filled with the quiet  whisper of her dress on her bare skin
the room on fire with her eyes
the world gone far away outside...far far away
her lips part slightly as she mouths the words
take me.... take me ....  love me... love me...take me...

she walks to the edge of the bed where I lay
she melts onto the sheets
and our touch ignites things in her
that makes wicked sounds come
that makes wicked dreams come alive

hours of knowing and learning eachother later
she lay shy in my arms
looking up at with eyes that say
my innocence is yours....my heart is in your hands
kissing her softly i hold her tight

the night is filled with the scent of roses
and the only sound that i can hear
is the whisper of her soft skin on the sheets
the only thought that reveals
is how could i ever have existed
before i had her
before she had me

tonight....roses

there are days
that float to the surface
you were one of thouse
we walked in the woods
as the last days of winter came to a close
and we the warmth that friends reached out to
and we were the warmth that made a home for all

you made candles to pedal on the corner
with bright colours flowing round
that wax scent still fills my senses
just like your smile
while i wrote songs and built my machines
to bring our bread and butter
and we would end our day wrapped in that old blanket
with the cabin in the woods on it
wrapped in each other in our love

there are days that come to me
there is only the wind
where her whisper once guided me
there is only silence where her smile once brightened my day
sleeping here miles away from
where we started
sleeping here ages from when we started
there is only the song that calls to me

thouse days are gone
and so are you
if only you were alive i would tell you
how much you still mean to me

forgive me for not being there to save your life
i would give anything to have that day back again

would it be so wrong would it be so terrible to taste the forbidden fruit one last time one more time

just a taste till the day is lost in hazy glow till my thoughts are wrapped in that soft place

would it be so wrong would it be so terrible to go back and taste that forbidden fruit

been here all day and my soul is do weary just a little just a load

twenty years ago

her loose strand of hair lingers over her face
i brush it back gently
and a tear slips free
i can see in her eye
that she wishes that somebody would stop her
that she could escape this charade
i can see its bitter on her lips
i can see it makes her feel so small

so we escaped together
and found ourselfs a happy home to build
a future she told me, a future she promised me

the soft hand slips in
and the next line writes itself
its her that im living for

its her smile that that makes it bearable
its her her loving words that make it understandable
its her eyes that see me
its the future that she promised me was coming
its the future that she promised me was coming

why isn't she saying anything
why are her eyes dark and distant

short lived in this half-light serenade
the tide has withdrawn
leaving me in the cold spray of a winter rain
silence in her eyes
silence on her lips
its so cold here...why wont she speak
why do we linger here

i wish someone would stop me
wish that i could escape this charade

and she died there twenty years this day
at the spring tide just at dawn
she will never speak the world to me
will never smile the day for me
never whisper the love with me

like the wings of a thousand birds
fluttering in my mind
each thought creates this mad sound
that fills me with until my mind will explode
desperate to slow them lest the dangerous ones come
like a hard swift nail
tainted ugly and filled with regret
the soft slapping of a thousand wings
on the fetid air
feel the disease as it crept in and nestled beinth your skin
it was warm with a smile and comfort of caring

a thousand rampant thoughts overwhelm
beating softly at your mind
beating you to death
and the dark ones come now
the ones that frighten with visions
of things you just cannot bear alone
and are too ashamed to speak of
the dark ones that bleed you of your strength
and stir uncomfortable things in your lusts

again you try desperately to
slow thoughts to keep the dangerous ones at bay
hope that it wont crawl out till your done
hope it wont show its face till you are alone in your bed
safe under the covers
where no-one can see
where they cant hear
the wings of a thousand fluttering thoughts
beating softly at your mind
beating you softly to death

her naked self is in her thoughts
as she lingers on my shoulder
that perfumed ideal dances in the dim light
with a madness of lust
she will be bound to the fractured movement
she will be mastered by the faster slow tides of ******
its love she seeks in the darkness of its eye
its warmth she sees in the burning cold

uncertainty and fear is what lures her
follow that mindless beast to its lair
and open herself with abandon
to its demon intent and its filthy seed
surrender is the victory
in this reverse of shadows mindgame
its her naked self in her thoughts

i suffer at the thought of her pain
but she smiles and leads me on into
that shadowland where
the monsters feeding is the pleasure
the beast suckling on the tender is the prize

this face is a stranger to me
this woman is a monster unto herself
this woman is a dark dreamland
this woman i love
asks me to take her there again and again
beyond the light of reason
beyond her naked self of her thoughts

my desperate gears grind
in hopes of vanquishing
the soft shoe shuffle
and sly smile serenade

but i am a stranger in
this clockwork land
and a fire now begins to burn
in the foundations of this folly
i have built

bitter taste now follows
her sweet furrowed brow
and rampant doubts flee the slow fear of
her eyes

as i cast myself headlong
at each broken future to repair
futile hope
she hastens behind gathering up
each spent medicine we laboured
to heal our lives with

desperate gears grind into the night
and our sweating bodies entwined in this
intoxicating brew of false hopes and twisted visions
soft shoe shuffle of moving ever forward
soft sly smile serenade calling us to the bright future
they are a slow death that envelopes us

save her please

i remain undivided from you.

the narrow broken day begins
wth my head
in the mist of that yesterday
the foot is ready to dance but the song
is slow to capturte the feelin
and i drift off into a thougtht


i can feel the proud peice comin
and i want to stand as they allways have
true and sure
but as i rise to the breaking
i hear you calling to me
that you need to be saved from yourself
please baby come quick..come quick....

i dont need to stand there to be true and sure
i dont need a song to tell me that i am a good man
and i have earned my place
i have you in my arms
and that is the only home i will ever need
that is the only place i need stand
your my love
your everything to me

I wanted to talk to you
but words can be a strange beast
you speak them but they have a mind of thier own
and go off in directions you never intended
im sorry if i made you mad or hurt your feelings
like most men i was born with a foot in my mouth

Broken highways in the night

have allways been the benchmark of my travels

the count of the hordes of empty eyes

climbs as the tally of things iv abandon on the way is forrgotten



Once i a while it will come to me suddenly

of some small thing

some trinklet that

i prized so much

that some crawling thief made away with

Fence me in with what you see
not who i am or am about to be
you will see that word
and think thats all he is
but your wrong
im so more

Iv stood at the edge of the world and peered over the edge
iv sat on a sailboat in a dead calm sea at midnight and saw the stars surround me

iv walked in the darkest streets of the darkest cities and felt no fear
because i was the only one there

iv looked at thousands of you and not found a single one looking back at me
you will see that one word and think it defines me
you will never know just how wrong you are

In the fall of 1973
walking home from school
i went by the stone bridge
every day, rain or shine
on my way home i would stop there
at the middle of the bridge
and look over the edge
at the water wispering below
i had a song in my head that day
some girl singer
talking about love and hope
i felt so alone, and i just wanted that girl
from the song to see that it wasnt ok
that it isnt a sunny day

Thomas paines cottage
has stood there since 1733
along with its dumb little stone bridge
over a small stream
I want go back to my home town and tear that stupid
cottage down and blow up that bridge
then maybe it would be ok
maybe it would be a sunny day

we laughed and shared the wine
by the summer moon
thought that those days would never end
so young and so full of adventure
so full of hope and loves

but darkness crept in
disguised as a friend giving gifts
"take this, it will ease your worries...
take this it will make you feel like heaven"

So many years gone now
cold stone has replaced the warm comfort
of my loves and companions

so many years gone now
and i mourn all that iv lost
and tell myself small lies
that as it was so shall it will be again
but once lost
you can never go back
you can never find the same road

there by the summer moon
you told me once that
you would allways be by my side

but you are in the boneyard and cant fin d a way home
darkness stole you
like it did all my dreams

bye my love
bye my love

i breath the essence of your thought
and your memory flows down thru my body
as if you were here just yesterday
dance on my minds eye in candlelight
you are the myth that inspires me to this quest
you are the mystery that i unfold in a rapture of hope

i breath your words
like i hope that that by bringing them back will bring your return
but they have fallen beautiful but broken to the floor
and lay lifeless in the darkening room

I dance in the moonlight alone
hands held to where you would be
mimic the moment we shared
benith that star filled sky so long ago
as if to say that no other can ever fill my arms
or life like you

i breath you
and it leaves me so empty

She came thru the rain on a warm june day and took my hand lead me to her world

i want to leave this dark place i want to run time back to thouse days when she showed me all the smiles and love in the world

back to the world
where all of you live

outside its full-on night
and in its depths toil closer
the mad rough beast
its thin pale fingers
play  on your forearm
leaving a trail of blood

a single tear escapes the cage  of her eye
like a shadow of consience
like a memory of the girl she once was
the caked mask of ruined makeup
frames her wicked smile
as her eyes intently
watch you sweat the moments passing

with yesterdays spoon in hand
she will come pleading for tomorrows riches
and borrow todays scraps with a theifs hand
asked she will tale of the deeds she has done
by the kindness of her heart
which shows blackened and burnt
from her secret hates

my woman lets it enter our safe place
and leaves me to watch it hover
over our table with its greedy seeking eyes

its my woman's sister
and i really dont like the *****.

spike like plowshare
sow poisons
in fertile flesh
fast heaven

beautiful viper
her soft shine hides
the sharp edges in her eyes

she is my perfect intent
my moment sought
my hope

her lean form in the shadows
is covered in a thin sheen of sweat
her fingers streach out grasping at the air pleading
but her cold thoughts show
her pale hunched anger at the sidewalks edge

she emptys her lust on the table
her broken eyes bright
and pumps her blown veins for poisons breeding
its her avaid hope to spread taint and sour

her body the midnight oil of twisted ruin
her mind the meat of the apothocarys to the souless
her drug the sleepless dreamland between dusk and dawn

i would surrender to kiss her
i would die to feel her heat next to me
touch that soft memory

to suckle on her disease like mothersmilk
and languish in the slow death of pale monster
her taste and words on each moment
her cold lips caress and thin fingers fumble
would be the heaven iv hoped for all this torn life

she is my perfect intent
my perfect moment
my hope
my love

i will never know her wisper in
the heat of passion

i will never taste the depth of her tenderness
in the slow caress of the middle of the night

i will never be the only one she smiles for
with her heart

i would give anything to be there if
only for a moment
if only for one tender kiss

she is only a dream i can never have

just one load
just drift on that soft sunlight beam that makes
this harsh place seem warm
just one load
so i can be ok
with everything iv done everything i am
wont take away from anything
wont get lost this time
i promise
i promise
LIAR
but i am alone
shes gone
and its just me
not even a friend

Standing here by the road
with the rain softly blowin thru me
the hours pass slow

Her hot wet gasping lust
sweats next to me
her fingers crawl up my leg
her desperate questions crawl thru my mind

Stand here a shadow
stand here a refection
stand here anything but who i am
to her at this moment

Her aching lusts give way
to her cold calculations

the rain gives way to snow
and it scatters me
better to be dead than wait here for you
better to be gone than hope more
day on dreams iv waited a lifetime for

Fourty years
hunched pen to paper
in this cold failing light

desperately carving
in this slow wooden river of paper
each passing face and dream

no master
of this rough wild beast
i cling to each word
and by bare hand wrestle it to
its palatable thought

Now i can only pray to reach
edge of page without faltering
as age and my illness eat away at
my strength

Two pages follow this as a peice of work
each one with a cruel cold pain
night will soon evaporate

i must find a place to shelter
before i am seen

Our home once so warm and comforting
our home once so safe and filled with laughter
has grown dark and cold since you vanished
into the winter night

i stand here at the window searching
for some sing of you
but only the whisper of mocking cold wind greets me
i know i must follow you
track you thru the beast of blizzard
into the fires of unforgiving underworlds

Hours now
and my footsteps drag as bitter cold bites into my will
thru trackless ages of snowbound darkness
following your weary trail

where have you gone lover
why do you linger there
i have come to bring you home
our happy home

I will take but a moments rest here
beneath this once green tree
and take but a moment to recover my strength
take a moment to sleep in the cold blanket of snow

now that spring will come
to wrap my bones in green blanket
and speed my soul to the shores of distant land
i will dream of you lover
where did you go
why linger so long

as each daytime infects the night sky
rousing the masses to the labour that socity demands
the lost and the maligined
the hopeless and the twisted seek shelter
by trying vainly to blend in
or simply go to ground till it is "safe"

this road stained with the tread of all
thouse who have perished before we stepped
onto this self destructive love affair
of balloons and spoons

i am freeing myself of this
many-layered monster
and we both see tommorows daylight
infecting the nights sky
calling us to take our place
in the masses below
it is a better fate than
the one we have striven for

better than balloons and spoons

The tilted pet noise
haunts us as we roll down the narrow hall
its diseased bark echoes oddly in this cold hollow place

my legs ache
with the portent of coming snow
i must reach the exit
i must not be a victim of chance

the scurvy beast falls behind
its bark giving way to a note
of sorrow
he will have no-one to trumpet down the hall
when we have fled

he will be ;left alone with his dark doggy thoughts

homeward bound
homeward bound
just down that hall