I live in a broken home.
****** up doors and shattered windows.
Banging on the walls, begging for mercy.
Wishing for someone, anyone to save me.
To save me from myself.
I burst into flames and crash into winds.
Trying to find the love that I never had.
Looking for the parent that was never there.
Sobbing at the little girl in the blue and white dress.
Who just wanted her father to hold her.
Fighting for the attention that he should have gave her.
Screaming for the voice that she never had.
That little girls father never came back.
He never loved her.
Now that little girl.
Is all grown up.
And she doesn't give a **** about you.

Stars fill the dark night sky.
Emptiness ceases me to cry.
My heart missing piece after piece.
Awaiting the feeling of being whole.
Of feeling your warmth apon my skin.
Or the gentle kiss on my lips.
I cannot bare this pain anymore.
Sobs of despair reach out from my lungs.
Laying under this street light hoping for death.
An escape from this eternal nightmare.
A life without you.
Is a life no longer worth living.
So I'll die at my own hand.
Then hopefully.
I will see you again.

If I bloom will I be able to see.
Will I see the precident sight that I've been longing for
With the taste of the past riding my shoulders. Yet the future is pushing me into oblivian. The choice I have made and is it worth it at all. I can't leave you behind but I must take you with me. I love you but yet I want to hate you. How is that possible? How can it be that I long for your embrace but at the same moment I wish to be a great distance apart. For nothing makes sense and my mind is confused. Always confused.
Everyday is another conflict.
A war of indecisiveness within my head.
For you are always the root of my never ending confusion.

And when that blade hits my soft skin.
Are when the tears from my eyes stop falling.
The screams from my lungs come to a silence.
My steady heartbeat comes to a slow halt.

Tell everyone its not their fault.
I loved them more then they could ever know.
Tell them that my head did it.
That it was all ****** up on the inside.
Yell to them that I had lost to myself.
And that it was okay.

And at my funeral.
Don't let people hate me for this.
or feel sorry.
I made this choice to leave.
Not for the selfishness that everyone thinks.
I walked away from the pain.
The pain within myself and the pain that I inflicted on others.
From the pain of the world and every sad set of eyes in it.

I suppose there is always the "brighter side" but what if it was all a lie?
Simple words to make people feel secure.
Everything is repetitive and you will do everything you hate.
Until the things that surround you drain you.
And you slowly but surely die.

I broke the mold.
I didn't want the things I hated make me die.
I didn't want to rot away.
I wanted to explode like a dying star.

So with you I leave my last and final wish.
If you happen to have something.
That makes your heart fill with light.
Never let it go and if you have no choice.
Don't let the aftermath consume you.
Nip it at the bud.

You kissed all my little wounds.
Held all the little pieces.
Watched me fall apart.
Cigarette in hand.
Water in my eyes.
Dispare in my heart.
But through it all, you saw me.
Saw every flaw.
All my broken self.
Looked into my eyes.
And loved me anyway.

I loved you in the summer. When I was only a child then but you played with me and created fond and eternal memories.
I loved you in the fall. When the hard orange leaves crunched with every step I took. As I grew older and became a woman.
I loved you in the winter. With endless thoughts of you tied around my head. Wanting nothing more but to see you.
I loved you in the spring. Because that meant that summer was close. And the distance between us would become barely inches rather then countless miles.
I loved you infinitely with every gaping breath since the moment I met you.

I know I shouldn’t love you.
But I do.
I want to trace every inch of your skin with my fingertips.
Wrap around you tight.
Like a serpent.
Wishing I was all that’s in your head.
You’re in mine.
Like a song on repeat.
Over and over I play you.
Your stupid smile and your stupid stare.
The way you brush by me and your stupid ******* hair.
You drive me crazy.
And I wish you didn’t.
God I wish you would just disappear.
But the problem is I wish the opposite.  
I wish you were here.
It would just make everything easier.
But those few seconds of my heart racing.
And my mind flooding.
Would fly away along with you.
And I ******* crave it.
Like a cigarette in the morning.
I crave you.
Like a bad habit.