found my old
heart in a candle
from bath and body
works, could you
see me by the closet
hunched over with
my nose inside the
glass, because this
scent takes me
back beneath
the cold seattle
rain, a mist that
never settles and
clammy toes that
never warmed up
a cranberry room
                                         and a life so                            unreserved
without obsession,
I can hardly remember it.

I'm sure you all know that
having patience with your-
self far outweighs the need
to love yourself, b e c a u s e
loving yourself is hard but
knowing that everything
takes time to accomplish
is harder, and so I wake
up and ask myself when,
and if I do, will it be all
inclusive, as in, will I
love myself at my
worst, too?

i feel less like
chunks of me
a r e     falling
into  the river
that i  so very
love.     thank
y  o  u    f  o  r
walking away
from what we
could    h a v e
b e e n.  i   a m
w o r t h   t h e
entire     s k y-
every   star  in
the milky way
-and   i f   you
couldn't   s e e
that  then  you
shouldn'thave
been   allowed
to    c a l l   me
y   o   u   r   s  .