Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Marie-Niege Mar 2016
you used to make fun of my inability to stay found in you. mirroring my lost
gazes, biting your lower lip. at first it'd snap me back to the reality I had built in you, it'd remind me of those nights when
you'd sucker me into bed,  biting my lower lip until my eyes stung and rolled. those breathy nights when I swore Veritas sent the water from her well below and her lover sent the clouds from the heavens to cushion me as I fell clumsily into you. you used to compare me to her, not because of the truths I told you but because you said that you could easily tell just from looking at me that my demons and my angels were  fighting. you said that you could tell that sometimes my demons changed my angels against me, you said you could see them handing over their halos for a crown of wooden insecurities. but when I asked what your demons were, you laughed and said, "you are." I started to notice how often I lost myself to the world that lingered over your right shoulder. I noticed how often you had to bring me back saying one day my mysterious mind would **** me. I suppose it did the day you left me cuddled in the corner between the sink and the toilet, tears mascara-ing my brown cheeks while shouting at the skies, "why did you break my heart and then send me to this world?"
I'm sorry
Marie-Niege Mar 2016
there's a self-destruct button
attached to my heart,
I swear there is.
There just has to be.
Marie-Niege Mar 2016
I <3 makeup. I like playing around w. pinks and reds and browns. Matte lipstick and lip stains etc etc. Which is funny cause I didn't start wearing makeup until I was 20, just about a year ago. I hated the idea of it. But now I realize that I hated the idea of it because of the mental state I was in. Wearing makeup shouldn't lessen your confidence in your natural appearance. For some reason, I was afraid that I'd become more comfortable seeing myself in makeup versa ****. But that's not the case at all. One of my favorite things to do at the end of my day is to remove my makeup off my face. Warm salt water and then a mixture of honey, egg whites, organic milk thickened in the fridge & then lathered on my face for an hour and then cleansed with cold salt water. It's heaven.
Idk. I've just been laughing at how my mind worked when I was younger. I was so terrified of learning more about myself. Almost like I didn't want to get to know who I was. Almost like I didn't care. I didn't want to form my own opinions and so I clutched onto others opinions. I didn't want to accept my definition of beauty and so I devoured others guidelines. And I didn't want responsibility and so I refused all forms of commitments. What a horrible way to live. For those of you who've been wondering where I've been lately. I've been reflecting, accepting and understanding myself because I've come to understand that's the only way I'll keep existing in this world.  
Idk. I've just been laughing at how my mind worked when I was younger. I was so terrified of learning more about myself. Almost like I didn't want to get to know who I was. Almost like I didn't care. I didn't want to form my own opinions and so I clutched onto others opinions. I didn't want to accept my definition of beauty and so I devoured others guidelines. And I didn't want responsibility and so I refused all forms of commitments. What a horrible way to live. For those of you who've been wondering where I've been lately. I've been reflecting, accepting and understanding myself because I've come to understand that's the only way I'll keep existing in this world.
Marie-Niege Feb 2016
Dear Dad,
When I was younger and I wrote you that letter explaining to you how much I hated myself sometimes.

When I wrote you that letter explaining to you how much I hated my skin

How much I hated my thoughts

How I lost all of my friends in the span of a month because I stopped trying to care

How much I just wanted to disappear

How much you'd be better off without me

How much it hurt all the time

When I showed you all of my poems

And you called my black tears on those ******* white papers 'talent' and ignored my cries

When you insisted that I was okay when I tried to explain to you that I wasn't

Did you really believe that I would be okay or did you just need me to be?

I'm not mad anymore. I just want you hug me and tell me you love me and just stop ******* hating me
Marie-Niege Feb 2016
I want to cry. I want to cry so ******* badly it hurts. This hurts. It all hurts so bad
there's this voice in my head that keeps telling me "you are not okay." Isn't that that funny
Marie-Niege Feb 2016
marie-niege is jaso bolay
i am an empty pill bottle
of nothing more than
just emotions, a stack of
empty liquor bottles. i
am nothing. just nothing.
isn't that classy? but um
you see, marie-niege is
cleaner than me. more
sterile. less edgy. but
sicker in the head.
we're never just
one person.
welcome. to the
madness in my head.
Marie-Niege Feb 2016
I watch

video clips of rollercoasters

so that I can feel my heart race. Sometimes

I can't remember what it feels like.



And I never want to forget again.



Not for one second.
Next page