I liked you more than most things
More than my friends
More than my piano.

I hated you more than most things
More than judgements
More than a narcissist.

I lusted you more than most things
More than alcohol
More than that other guy.

But you treated me like most things
Like a childhood crush
Like an awkward stranger

And now you blame me
You blame me for our downfall
You blame me
You blame me for it all

Like it was my fault,
none of yours.
Like I was just another fleck of sand
washed up on the shores.

And I liked you more than most things
But none of it ever mattered.
None it sparked a flame in my heart.

I cleansed myself for you
I cleaned my home for you
Made it comfortable
Made it inviting and warm
Just so I could get a taste of you
Once more, just once more
Both breathing together as one
Lying together without being shunned
My lips on your neck
And you lips pressed on mine
So simple to say
So hard to accomplish with you
Disappointment is all I ever get
Waiting around for you
Waiting waiting waiting
It's easier than talking
Talking talking talking
I hoped you would come tonight
But it's just a fantasy in my dreams
The dreams I have of you
I miss that feeling or ******
I miss that smell that radiates from you
Please come to me
Please come to me soon.

Waking up is disappointing
Things to do
People to see
People to do..

Don't wanna clean anything
Don't wanna clean myself
I don't wanna eat
I just want to sleep

Lower and lower I sunk
Took a hit of the skunk
Heart races
Cold embraces
Feel the fear burn your eyes
Numb,
Fake,
Cry.
One more light,
And then I'm high.
****.

Wanting you is like wanting to burn alive
Pain, pain, pain. Numbness.
Needing you is like needing nicotine,
Wanted so badly, yet rejected so harshly.
If I could look back and change my way
My feelings, from the start,
I can't say I would. 
I like the burn
The needy habits
The routines full of nothing.
Then there's the water
Wanting you is like wanting to drown.
Struggle and flail, then orgasmically peaceful.
Needing you is like icicles
Glimmering during cold, melting when the fire arrives.
I miss that.
I miss that more than fire.
Fire is fun. Dangerous. Scary.
Water is gentle. Careful. Wonderful.
If only I could break away,
Away from the burn,
The burn that I crave.
The burn that gets me high..
Then maybe I'd want to drown.

Manipulative *******.
You are routine
You are routine.
Keep telling yourself baby,
that you are only routine.
I can hear the guitars playing,
and voices
and noises.
But the vibrations are louder than anything.
Hey, hi, hello, wanna come over?
No, yes, maybe, so..
when can I come over?
I can feel the wood,
the clothes,
the safety pin all rusted.
But the vibration is the most vibrant.
Hey, whats going on, love you, are you free?
Uh, hey, nothing, hate you too.
When will you be free?
Boy am I ever free.
Mmm, down to the good parts.
The smoke, the smell, the vibrations..
Fills my soul.
Pulls on my spine and splats me down,
down into the comfort of my bed.
The skunk is back again.
Baby, you are only routine.

I guess you could say that I'm ******.
Or flying,
Or diving,
Or hiding,
Or sighing.
I guess you could say that I'm over it.
Or *******.
You might even be able to say I'm happy.
Or disappointed with you, 
Set aside for a game played 
Just every once and awhile.
You are good at this game,
Smooth as a criminal
Sly as a sloth.
Not even a light or a nice nap,
Could snap you out of your world.
Your heads made of stone.
It's a good thing I'm ******.