I've been panicking lately.
Not the kind of panic that has reason
But a panic that stems from nothing
or maybe something undefined.
I've been worrying lately.
Not the kind of worry that is logical
but a worry that is scattered
and splattered without lines.
I can't makes sense of it because
my stomach isn't sick.
I'm not ill from out dated food
or an airborne virus.
I'm not coughing and sneezing or hacking or weezing or panting and grunting or sleeping disgruntled because of a flu.
Maybe I'm just tediously thinking while overly planning and counting the days and routing the ways when I'll see you.
I need to stop counting
Every
Little
Thing.
One two three, one two three, one two three.
“It will be okay.”

Now we both know that I will go one way
And you another someday.
We both know that that someday is only a few months away.
But we both know how long this feeling has been in our bones
Picking, tickling, itching, poking at our souls.
So we can never make this feeling a burden
Although we know we must both go, someday.
Someday.
And that day will be a wonderfully terrible day.
Because although we will be parted,
Our hearts will be aching to see each other again.
And yeah, we may be pysichally out of reach;
You won't be able to touch my hips or kiss my lips
But our minds will forever preach
of this feeling that we will feel everyday.

I'm gunna miss the way you tell me I'm pretty
Then kiss me on the cheek like a medal
I'm gunna miss the way you hold my hand when you're driving
Like it's okay if you swerve a little
I gunna miss the way you grab my hips
When we roll around on the bed
And I'm gunna miss the way your voice sounds
When my name is said.
I'm gunna miss the way you stayed up late with me
Even when you must wake up at dawn
I'm gunna miss the way you insist that I stay
and hold me, tightly, won't let go, no matter how long.
I'm gunna miss these ways of our ways everyday.
Because although we have each other now,
It's a sad reality that we may not someday.

How do I hate thee? I can't count the ways.
I hate thee like a puddle on the street
As shallowly as water touching feet;
Only a time span of just a few days.
I hate thee with a foggy level-head
And a logic that makes no sense to you.
I hate thee passionately without truth,
I hate thee sincerely with words unsaid.
I hate thee with an affection that's stalled
Where faded love blooms into a new mess.
I hate thee with a heart that's like night fall;
Dark curtains hiding light with a fake kiss.
I've tried to hate you, but I don't at all;
Not slightly, or even a little bit.

It was always a burning feeling
Hot underneath and sweat drops lured.
I was always saying "Tell me something"
You'd say "If only you'd let me."

I was never sure how to feel about it
Like you were always second best
But the way your face smiled
Never made me think of you less.

Until now, but it's gone, we are done, it's all over with.
Waiting around, for a call, or a voice, something second best.

I want to
call
you
so badly.
I want to
wrap
my arms
around you.
I want to
kiss
your
lips.
I want to
rip
your
shirt
off.
If you'd let me.
If you only knew.

I wrote you three times in one week
Left it on your windshield in the parking lot;
Watched as you read my letters
And tossed them in the back of your scratched up seats.
I watched them collect like trash
Useless words that in the end are forgotten.
Written words becoming ash.
Always ash and never reminisced on.

I should have watched that mother;
to see her chest gently move up and down
as she breathed with her child in her arms.
And I should have seen the look in her eyes
when she held someone so dear to her.
I should have lied out in the sun to burn;
to feel the heat and the exhaustion
all across my body.
And I should have slept there until night fell,
so I would know what its like to miss something
so persistent.