He held my hand,
walking on the old road.
His grasp, tighter than mine.
      I was happy.
        I was free.
           I was afraid.
I was chained
to a mad man.

He looked at me and he smiled.
I smiled back.
He called me his,
and I knew
there was no escaping now.

Three months.
Cocain scares me.
His alcohol makes him want me
in a way that I cannot give.
     He yelled.
       He screams.
         He leaves me.
I'm free again.
I should be happy again.
I'm afraid.

Three months.
He's gone.
One night.
Five minutes
was all it took
and I want to be his again.
I'm chained
to a mad man
and he carries me around
like a dead body
he tries to avoid.

I'm nothing
with him.
I'm nothing
without him.
I am nothing.

So many secrets locked up inside.
A pounding inside me, keeping me up at night.
Where do you go when theres nowhere left to turn?
Who do you run to when theres nobody home?

Numb.
Dizzy.
Everything blurs together.

I look down.
Red.
Blood.
It trickles down my legs.

I stare at it
before wiping it off.
Everything is soaked with my blood.
Yet I continue.

Cut.
Cut.
Cut.

Who knows
how many hundreds of times?
Just until I am
     *numb

Looking out the window
I wait.
For your old black truck.
With the little noose
hanging from the rearview mirror.

Waiting.
For you to come back.
To tell me you love me.
Or for revenge.

Either way.
You'll **** me in the end.
So I just wait.