the things I find avoidable
I have a list of them
my fears
sour people
and the possibility of me being forced into isolation
I must avoid that
because you know I can’t stand being alone
being alone will bring me absolute hell
my wrist is sore
from all this harm

but I can't blame anyone but myself
because I choose to bring this pain upon me
no one tells me anything negative enough to make me mistreat myself
I love the feeling
of the pain I can bring upon yours truly
but sharing about it is a whole nother story
one I don’t want to read
understand
complete

del·i·cate
ˈdelikət/
adjective

very fine in texture or structure; of intricate workmanship or quality
easily broken or damaged; fragile
(of a person, animal, or plant) susceptible to illness or adverse conditions

(of a state or condition) easily upset or damaged
requiring sensitive or careful handling
(of a person or an action) tactful and considerate
skillful and finely judged; deft
(of an instrument) highly sensitive

the sound of the bells
rings in my head over and over again
saying
“you must accept the facts, the reality, the truth”
sometimes I don’t want to
but when it comes to you
you’re the only thing
the only one
I want to accept

when I saw you for the first time
it was seeing my future
consisting of one person
and that person is you
the more time we spend together
it makes me latch onto you more
every second with you I truly cherish
even after all the buildings crumble
the seven wonders of the earth no longer exist
I will love you
even when all my veins no longer stream blood
through my body
I will love you
do you know the great wave?
the great wave off kanagawa
if I were a painting
that’s what you could call me
i'm no mona lisa
or bridge over a pond of water lilies

I am unsteady and trampling over things I must avoid
I rise in order to get away from problems
the problems that trouble me most
like myself
or the fact that maybe I am not enough
and maybe even the things I do
maybe
maybe not

kiss you
just thinking about you with someone else
brings me hell
that’s because
you mean so much to me
you are importance
you are love
you are the sunlight that lights up my room
on a sunny saturday morning

assuming that you didn’t let me in
what would I be
where would I stay
who could I tell my feelings
without you I probably wouldn’t feel anything
I would still be numb
begging for warmth
from people who I feel things for but they don’t in return

it was all a lie
assuming you weren’t aware of me
imagine how lost I would be
but then
what about you
where would you be
what would you be doing

if the sun sets without you
if the waves crash upon this wide imagination of mine
if the winds blow the other direction
where would we be
would I be with you?
would you be with me?
what if this is all too much to bear

my life reset when you found me in the dark
you pulled me out
and I couldn’t be more thankful for that
I found so much easier
when I met you

the oceans are more calm
the wind blows very softly
and the flow of my life
it’s like honey
very slow

but what it’s made of is what matters
every day with you
I want them to go by slowly
I feel as if time with you
is sometimes never enough
you are the kind of man
I want to spend days with
just you and I
and nothing to do
and a tub of ice cream
and movies
and potatoes

if I weren’t me
I don’t know who would be in your arms right now
I don’t know who would be loving you
who would be able to hold your hand
write you letters
sing with you

it’s practically a cycle
a cycle that never ends
we come up with excuses that drown
the very people surrounding us
but we never know
until we realize
that we dragged ourselves down with the fish as well
we are stuck in the nets
bawling eyes
begging to get outcomes

a life of a person
is like a rubik's cube
one can understand it
but it takes a process that some can and cannot understand easily
we must fill in spaces
find the right pieces
until a side is complete
and then we must find the answers to the other sides
in order to complete it all
completing a whole person
is never the right way to go
we can never complete someone
without showing emotion

specifically affection
giving someone happiness
honesty
being open with someone
is the key to completing them

and you’re the one who showed me that
you showed me that with only
the simple action of holding of my hand
you can open my eyes to new worlds
new perspectives

the space beneath the waves
it's far more than you could ever imagine
just like my love for you
never ending
like the stars above
yet even more than that
because one day those stars will burn out
and we’ll be gone
but even if I am gone
and so are you

we shall enter the next life as someone or something else
and whoever or whatever I become
I will love you for who or what you will be

the stars
they shined before we were even born
when I was young I didn’t mind them much
unless I wanted to wish for something
that’s the only time I would spend staring at the stars
asking continuously for something that doesn’t exist
but everything is different now

you gave the stars I look at every night
a new meaning
the galaxies above, I’ve always shown interest in them
but now I love them
it takes time to start to love something
you’ve always admired
but sometimes it happens
all at once

to think that nothing is impossible
to think that one can walk on the moon
or reach the bottom of the Mariana Trench
is like saying
“you’re too smart to go to that school”
or thinking
“I’m better than them”

like the jets that leave streaks of white in the sky
I will leave streaks of red on my body
these chances
I look at them like policemen
they abide the law and do what is right
giving false hope to the one who believes so much in them
at this point vanishing sounds nice

I’ve always thought of myself as a problem
I always looked at myself as troubled
a deranged little girl
in need of a friend or two
just someone to talk to
to open up to

I needed that feeling
of sticking a fork into an electrical outlet
that certain spark
I wanted to be that mosquito flying towards a deadly lamp
that spark
I saw it as a way out of this madness of mine
and this madness
my, was it besmirch

therefore take me in your arms
save me from this madness my love
this is no phase a mother would tell their daughters
to get out of just because they were at that age
where they start to think
“am I pretty enough?”
this drives me insane
into insanity
deep under the waves of dementia
dive in with me
let's be mad together
because here below the sound
where the light cannot reach
we’re all mad here
so why not be mad with me?