First I'd like to say, that I apologize,
For being so stupid, and not making you mine.
Cause now all I have, is you on my mind
How beautiful and breath taking you are all the time.
And I could never forget, that thing we did,
Back in last summer, when we shared our first kiss.
How I've wished, we could do it again,
But because I messed up, now you have a man.
But instead of being mad at myself, let me just say,
That he should treat you good, each and every day.
That he should love honor, and cherish you each day.
And that he should give you all his time, and say I love you every day.
And if he does not, then that is just a shame,
Because you are a Queen, and I'll be the one to blame.

She moves through the fair of her life
with an awareness and introspection that belies her years

She still feels the effects of the darkness that plagued her past
but, as she goes forth, reaches with her soul towards a new and enlightened age

She will not forget her suffering, but uses it to transform her spirit
as an alchemist uses the philosopher's stone to produce precious from base

She is a rebel at heart, but hers is a cultural revolution, an awakening to the beauty of a spiritual life filled with music, art, poetry, language, philosophy, and the science of nature

Transformation isn't instantaneous and her emotions will still go medieval at times suddenly rising like a Gothic spire from the landscape

However, with each contrasting experience she is reborn and better equipped to fashion a belle époque of her own design

She may tend to shun the glamour of convention and develop a unique style
She just wants you to know who she is

That back that was turned towards me then could very well have been my very own.
The only difference was my conniving and cowardly nature;
for I understood the importance of people despite their pity or hypocrisy.
Because of that,
I never had the courage to give that warmth up, no matter now pathetic or miserable I had to be to hold on to it.

Everytime someone got to close,
I would back away, going into that dark place that I set apart,
just for the sake of my independence.
If I let someone change that fact,
it would mean the end,
of the life that revolved around me and me alone.
That's why I have to run.

But, all the same
Don't you think that risking everything on one single person
is too terrifying?
I know about those nights where for no reason, you can't fall asleep..
when you're left all alone with nothing but an empty cup of distilled water.
I know about the emptiness that you can't escape,
that eats away at you, making you feel like you have no one else in the world.
But even so, you have "yourself", and I gave that to you.

For some reason, I thought about it whenever I'd lose all hope.
"I'll wait for you!"
It may have been but a sweet delusion..
but that made it possible for me to believe that I am not alone in this world.

It was a hypocrisy.
It was a lie.
All I had to do was close my eyes and take one step after another.
Why couldn't I do that?
Why is living such a scary thing to do?

There is an empty cage,
I concluded without a tint of regret.
Waiting for me in the afterlife.
For I, and no one else.
If everyone fits together like a puzzle,
maybe I'm a piece on the edge,
with a jagged, broken corner.
No piece would fit,
even if forcibly bent.

Back then, I should've run.
I should've continued walking on that isolated road,
and never looked back.
It was true that at that time, I wasn't strong enough to pull away.
But that magnetic tug of our downfall, that fact called curiosity,
led me to that parodic magic of fruit;
hanging on a half-dead tree.
*What does it taste like?

I write poems about empowerment
About never giving up.
But tonight, I feel weak.
I feel like a nuisance
I feel like a crybaby
I feel like a snitch
I feel like every terrible name everyone has ever called me
And I have never felt more like myself
:( :( :(