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 Oct 2013 Maria
Asphyxiophilia
I have imagined this moment over and over again and now it's finally happening and I can't quite tell which direction is up or down or backwards but I guess they're all directions so it really doesn't matter as long as I'm going somewhere. I've been watching my shoelaces as I've been walking and they seem to tighten with every step as though even they know you'll have me floating right out of them. My palms have already begun to sweat and the puddles they've created in my pockets are just deep enough to drown in. I look up for a second to see the air in front of me holding a string. A grin spreads across its face as it suddenly begins to pull and my breath is stolen from my lungs. I reach out to grab it but it has already disappeared and suddenly I realize I can't breathe without you here. I close my eyes and stumble, not wanting to go any further, not wanting to face the reality of a situation that doesn't involve sleeping beside you. But then I realize, that was something we never did. I have been falling asleep beside myself for years, I have been waking up with regret and a heart broken into more pieces then the number of tiles on the bathroom floor. I have been sleeping with my head on my own chest and praying that someday you'd fill the empty space between not being able to fall asleep and never wanting to be awake.
 Oct 2013 Maria
Sophie Herzing
Shivering fingers, cradling a cold clay bowl
with dull roses surrounding the rim.
A Klondike bar cut like a grid on a paper towel.
My grandma used to let me eat one in the living room
"careful of the carpet"
on her yellow couches covered with sticky plastic.
She would play the Elvis Presley Christmas album,
To Ginny written in black sharpie on the sleeve
with a Love always, Mom underneath,
over and over again
while she hung bulbs of wood on the bottom branches
so her Welsh Corgi wouldn't break them with his paws.

Slate slabs with handprints
in purple paint every year for the holiday.
She'd set death aside in a coffin ashtray
to kiss my cheek.
Presley played in the background.

She'd rock
on the front porch in white wicker
coughing into the lid of a Pepsi can
until she'd catch me pressing my nose against the door glass,
tell me to turn around and sit on the couch.
It was too cold for me.
She'd only be a minute.

When we played, I'd hide between the two baskets
in the closet that held her hair products.
I could count all the bottles three times each
before she'd say she was too tired,
put on her coat, grab a white box, and hit play.
I always hated that album.
 Oct 2013 Maria
Circa 1994
They shared a mutual hatred for people
that disclosed unsolicited details about their relation*****.

Even though they spoke everyday
goodbyes never got easier.
brb, gonna sleep for eight hours.
What will you dream of?
You want me to say you, and I want me to say you, but I have no control over my dreams. You're only reserved for my daydreams.

They exchanged a plethora of photographs.
#thighhighThursday
Send.
I lIkE yOuR sOcKs.
It wasn't long before they perfected the art of taking selfies in the shower.
Send.
LeT's PlAy NaKeD tWiStEr.

Sometimes they broke the unspoken rules they'd agreed to.
The rules that banned them from getting too cutesy;
or twee as he liked to put it.
Cuddling is just hugging laying down.
For much longer.
*Cuddling is just horizontal hugging for a long time.
 Oct 2013 Maria
Sophie Herzing
I knew it the moment you looked at her.
The tender slip in your jaw line
fall faint with a smile
showing teeth like secret treasures
in your worn leather chest.

Her hawaiian hello tasted sweet on your lips.
Hot pink tank top ribbed in rings
around her tiny waist,
flat, tan stomach peeking between
her top and dark short, short jeans.

She followed you to the parking lot
after you passed her on the curb.
Her tip toes visible underneath
the lift of a 2014 model truck between tires,
rise and fall,
leaning back into her heels when you set her down
shadows behind tinted windows.
I saw it all.

In my dreams, I pretend I made it up.
Cuddle next to an empty side
trace the moon's sideways outlines
on the sheets.
Breakeven.
I knew it the moment you looked at her.
 Oct 2013 Maria
Circa 1994
bed
 Oct 2013 Maria
Circa 1994
bed
My bed is an island
Of isolation
And comfort.

On all sides surrounded
By obstacles
And confrontation

I sleep in til noon
And live off the fat of the land.

This is my
*Paradise.
I don't ever want to leave.
 Oct 2013 Maria
Circa 1994
I want you
in the                                                                                                                                                            worst.
                                                                                                                                                          possible.
                                                                                                                                                way.
The kind
of way
that I
ought not
say
aloud.
So I'll whisper instead.
 Oct 2013 Maria
Cameron Godfrey
The literal descent into actual madness
The inability to tell the happy from sadness
Thoughts bouncing around: silly and inane
Actually mad and actually insane
 Oct 2013 Maria
brooke
Sneeze.
 Oct 2013 Maria
brooke
i've dedicated a
hundred poems
because you left
a sort of permanence
on my skin, have you
written about me since
since
since
(c) Brooke Otto

we all wonder if they did.
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