It's time.
It's been time.
It's a new year, I'm a year older and it's time. It's time that I move on. The things I felt I had needed had been holding me back. I was clinging onto pieces of him. Pieces that did not make up a full puzzle.
And I filled it in with fantasies, ideas, romanticizing what wasn't there; what was never there.
So it's time to move on,
Get on with my life.
And sure, he's still a really cool guy, but in order for me to get anywhere, I need to focus.

So that's my resolution
To move on.
Not to forget,
But simply, to turn the page.

I wanted to make love
Because love is something you make?

No,
But I wanted to
With you.

i  don't want  to live in  the
                            s p a c e s
between   your   words,   i
want to be  found in every
syl-
                    la-
                                     ble

I ran my hands down the crisp sides
of your baby blue pin-striped
Ralph Lauren button down.
The lines leading straight to your hip bones.
I wrapped my arms around your waist,
pressing my head against the chest pocket
as you smoothed my blonde hair
with your big hands
kissing the top of my head
slowly
as I breathed in your body wash
with eyes closed
saving this moment
in my kaleidoscope.

Sometimes I'll sit on the edge of your bed
and watch you fix your hair in the mirror
in just your cargo shorts.
Sometimes when you're sleeping,
I'll write stories on your chest and draw
little circles around your eyelids
or trace the curves your lips make.
Sometimes you'll wake up,
roll over, and kiss me silently
before you're back asleep again.
Sometimes I'll shout,
"Wake up!"
because you're so cute and I don't want
to be done playing yet.

I know you've seen my demons
follow me like a bad shadow,
but you've proved
that sometimes you need cracks
to let the light shine through
And guess what.
I really like you.

You said you wanted to take me on the roof to see the view because it was beautiful and so was I. But I never made it there. I never made it to where you are or where you were and I think I've decided that I never will.

I always believed it was my fault,
When it was completely yours.
Because I thought I loved you,
And did not love myself.

Trying
I am trying.
I am trying hard.
I am trying so hard.
I am trying too hard.

The worst kind of reply is none at all,
Because it gives me time to rip myself apart.
And list all the thing’s I should’ve said,
And all the things I did.
Why build someone up just to let them down?

It's okay.
One day I'll leave this town.
This rundown city
of mundane madness.
This place where they know my face
and forget my name.

I'm endlessly restless.
Every Wednesday is an existential crisis.
I clock my time card
to earn the currency that promises escape
but I can't seem to leave.

Dreams won't come as easily these days.
And soon I fear I will have missed my opportunity
to put them into practice.

I don't want to be alone
but I always find a reason to be.
I've given socializing some thought
and I've decided that I'd rather be a no one
than a "plus one".
It's just not for me.

I'll keep chipping away
my broken bits
until I'm a pile of shards.

Even when you think you've cleaned them all up
there's one lingering.
People don't piece shards back together;
they throw them away
and buy something better.