And in the darkest of nights,    
In the darkest of nights when not even the moon dares to peak out from its nebulous slumber, the ocean and sky have no beginning or end only black from earth to heaven.
Unlike us, neither ocean nor sky find fault in each others blackberry hues, unlike you the ocean never stopped kissing the shore line no matter the light.

have an oil spill of hair, eyes blacker than night, but you,

you are not like me


you with all your mattress springs for locks, rusted brown combed back

you with your mahogany irises


and if I could I would give you my calluses
something to help you hold on

I would give you my hips, though you dance pretty good for a white kid, you might need a little more wiggle room to get by on in the city

I've got a quick tongue, not made of sugar like yours, or of marmalade or melodies but you can borrow it if you need it

and maybe one day you'll leave here and never look back
maybe you'll stay away from all suburbs or small towns that remind you of this one

I hope that even once your name is incandescent, you will still remember how it was at sixteen
I hope that you do not forget that you were not alone
I hope that even after the spotlight finds you, you will be kind to those that remind you of people like me and places like this

you do not think about it often

you do not want to think about it anymore

the thought is still a fleeting one

the same one it has always been

so you are making coffee, or waiting for the microwave, or hitting the snooze button

and suddenly there is he is standing in front of you, right where you left him before you left all of him,  

right.           there.


he is not smiling,

neither are you.

we don't dance, not tonight

tonight, we are all looking a little bit more fabric than body
and I've got that sort of forced smile, awkward pose, first month of high school kind of look


the one with the wrong shoes, and the sweaty palms
the one with his older brother's suit, and no corsage


the one where we carpool


so we don't dance, no, not tonight


tonight is about feeling small next to the speakers


about the heel breaking, the uncomfortable laughter, and the sunday school slow dance
tonight is before the attitude



tonight is more dress than hips,
more dirt road than runway


no swagger, not the middle of dance floor




just a long line coming from the bathroom, and a mean homecoming queen

the lights are turned way down low, so we drop it accordingly

like dance baby dance cause we have never looked this good

because I bought this dress for this moment and it was worth every penny

cause most of this make up is my mothers but it feels like it was meant for me

and I pull at your tie like its taffy,

see my lips taste like candy, my eyes look like chocolate, and you twirl me around like caramel, so I feel just as golden  

tonight life is sweet

like dance baby dance cause right now your feet aren't hurting

like dance baby dance cause a beat won't ever feel this good

like dance baby dance, tonight I am all brown sugar, legs, and liquor in desserts



so dance baby, they can't take their eyes off of us,


dance like no one is watching

                                              because god knows everybody is

dear freshman class,

1. It doesn't always have to be the love song or the funeral march
you are not obligated nest yourself in extremes
believe me, they will tell you how classrooms feel like caskets but you are by no means decomposing

2. You are but children in a linoleum jungle, young wild things at play, you are fresh fruit, ripe but not yet forbidden. Do not rush to grow into your bones just yet, we all want that kind of wiggle room back.  

3. the seniors will leave, your boyfriend will dump you, your friends will change, but the sky will still be the sky,  the sun will still be the sun, and the world will not end. With any good day comes skinned knees, bruises and dirt, remember that.

4. Maybe you'll try out loving with an open wound, come out bitter with your teeth knocked out, come out damaged or guilty. Fifteen is an awfully inconvenient time to love someone, I'm not telling you to be afraid, you already are, all I'm saying is learn to let go as fast as you learned to hold on, accept defeat, know that people can only ruin you if you let them.

5. It will feel like getting beat down sometimes, but you too will find good use for your knuckles, for your hands, your lips, your tongue. It will feel like getting beat down sometimes but you too will find people to patch you up. People to find comfort in, people to text at 2 am, people that stay.

One.
She said it was gonna be tough

I didn't know it was going to be 1am still awake kind of tough

I thought I would be old enough now, strong enough now to stand up straight and on my own but I've never been on my own like that.
We were in this together from the beginning but he always ****** at keeping promises, and keeping it together.
And I always wanted to fix everything.
But we weren't broken, we began unassembled and we were to naive to even glance at the instructions so we put together this unbalanced time bomb of a thing, called it us. Called it trust, called it innocence. Calling it everything but the truth until we started calling each other out on our mistakes.
it just hurts man, it hurts like not being able to breathe, like being punched, it just hurts like I didn't think it could
I don't want to cry about him anymore, it all just hurts

                                                      
Two.
It snows heavy and it snows quiet here

The light leaves this sleepy little town without a trace, without even the smallest of goodbyes to hold on to.

How heavy are these burdens that we carry on our shoulders through hallways, into classrooms
we crumple and fold our heartbreak and failure between textbooks and notebooks and pencils

I have lost myself in more places than I have lost hairbands
There is no cheat sheet at the bottom of my book bag for this kind of broken

I play music loud these days, I put on headphones at 1 am so I can forget every angle of him
I don't want to think of him anymore, he has run me dry

                                                     

Three­. I wake up every morning hung over from the times I kissed him in my dreams
                                                     

Fou­r. And then come the nights when I think about him like crazy
These are moments I cannot escape. Nights where I lie awake.

                                                     

Five. It is an unnerving cycle of my heart wanting so bad to put it all into words, and my mind thinking he doesn't deserve them.

                                                     

Six­. The distance between the reality I want and the reality I have is so great that when standing between them equally, it is impossible to tell which is the lesser evil.