"It's now that I've found something astonishing,
That I'll have to tarnish it,
Eradicate, obliterate, and terminate it.

But, only after we've defiled their hearts,
And slandered their souls,
And destroyed their every waking moment of hope.

Because this is what we crave for, what our human design lust, and, aches for."

This is what he told me,
As he mauled out my own,

And I cried out in torment,
In the rummage of my broken hopes.

You have me twisted in your mirage of happy endings and love struck thoughts,
In this desert of woes and ruts.

The dust cradles my lips and the sun burns my eyes,
And the dunes devour the lies I tell myself at night when I cry.

I say I'm happy through my teeth,
Because even I don't believe me.

At night the stars are scattered like my brain patterns when I try to put us together.

Maybe it was too soon.
And maybe we moved too fast.
Maybe we hadn't forgotten our pasts,
and we tried to make ourselves forget our lasts.

Or maybe it's the distance ******* with my head, because my lips feel dead,
And my blood was red before it hit the surface,
When I used the blade to try and forget my pain.

In a world of lavish dialect
Filled with idiosyncrasy and conspiracy
Delicately I make my own beat
My eyes blue and amite

Laughing with my medal of valor
Painting what your eyes can't see
And writing words your mind will never read
My artful life.

Keep your hands behind your back
And keep your lies bound tight..
Before you release me...into them
Releasing me into twisted arms and crooked intentions
Of my souls redemption
Your snide words pour slowly out of your yet divine eyes
You're merciless and ruthless
Ferocious, and devious
Cut me in half; and paint me black
To match your heart and your soul
Dead and lifeless
Perished and Cold

Ana is my friend,
when she whisper I'm thin.

She clings onto me, she's everywhere I go
I've tried to escape, but she won't let me go.

I smile when I see my bones.
And I cry when I see my soul

And my spine hits the back of my chair when I sit
And I feel accomplished, at my stomachs empty pit

Ana says she cares
She says she'll help me, she says she help me see
Help me see that I don't need food
So I can be content with myself ****

But when I don't listen to her she gets mad
She tells me I'm fat and sends chills of hatred down my back

She's my demon, and she wont stop possessing me, until I die, nothing left but skin and bones.

Why I don't eat.
Mostly because of you.
Also because I want to be thin.
Only because you ruined my once well image.
My own disgust weighs me down.
It's fat and hatred stuck to my bones.

So watch me take my diet pills.
And watch me get high off of my own sins.
And when my face hits that "porcelain throne"
I regurgitate my memories of you.

I wash my hands till your smell no longer clings to me
And I keep my head held high to redeem everything you took from me
And I hum MY anthem
Of sweet revenge
To avenge what I couldn't see

My thumbs twiddle and body fidgets
As a glare at my newly twisted image
My bones stick out, and my mouth remembers no taste
You did this to me, you made me this way

It's not that my heart has died, it's just learned not to cry
And it's not that I don't miss you
It's that you never cared, and you'd never dare to

I was rowing a two person boat
I struggled in pain as your eyes would gloat
The water felt cold and black as it inched up my body
Where your fingers used to trace
The pace of my heart is fast as I would drown in my own sorrow
I told myself to just think of tomorrow, and try to keep my chin above water
I find myself content
Feeling the cool waves crash against my sides
The waves are like a ride that carries me soundlessly on my back
And as I drift, my mind throws fits of thoughts
They weigh me down into the black water
Slowly pulling me under
To the beat of thunder

I wake up on the ocean floor
Sand between my toes, stinging my cuts filled with woe
My air is gone, my breaths have stopped
I sink in the sand of forgotten thoughts.
Where my corpse will rot

It's in the dark, where our secrets lay
Where we hide betrayal, and dismay

The corners of my mouth twists to form a smile
To us poor misunderstood creatures, living in denial

We live off of others misfortune
We devour their happiness until it has nurtured us
We sip their tears, and consume their light
Slowly killing in the night

Their sadness, their chaos, it thrills us

To us poor misunderstood creatures
To the leeches who won't leave us
And the dreams that haunt us

You've now become apart of us

My skeletons hang on rusted hangers
Their deteriorated bones rattle my walls
They whisper the secrets of my pervious dangers
As they snicker and snare and gnaw on my soul

The smell of abandonment seeps between their bones
Betrayal reeks in their marrow that is now turned to petrified stone

They thrive off making new friends,
adding to my collection of my former afflictions of misfortune

As I write this, I'm in his lair,
And I whisper a silent prayer.
An Act of Contrition.

But I remember, my silent killer is still here.
Repugnance still lingers in the sheets,
So I'll hold my breath, to stop my silent weeps.

With each repulsive ******,
My innocence was taken,
Due to his greedy fixation for lust.

Numb fingers, and numb toes,
Fear peakes in the height of my soul.

I feel my chest lose control,

As it violently trembles,
My soul has surrendered,

As I wave my white flag,
And let you degrade me in bed.

My trial was to please you, my error was trying to hard
My trial was to be there for you, my error was not missing a beat
Your trial was to play a poker face, your error was showing your cards
Your trial was to sneak in and out, your error was dragging your feet
My trial was to run from you, my error was not doing it soon enough

*******
The sky isn't blue when I'm with you
The thunder cries
The lightning screams
And while I stand in the rain, I quietly dream
My mind is blank, my brain is free
Free of thoughts from you
And what we could be
**** your lies
And **** your games
I quit along time ago
I just never had the courage to walk away
But my feet move swiftly
and my eyes look straight ahead
Cause now you're my past of lust
And broken trust
Just words on paper
You're worthless smudged ink

I'll keep my jaw clenched tight
My fist firmly grasped
And my eyes will meet yours
When I deny you what you want most
Your poison no longer infects me
What's mine isn't yours to take
I'll shake you off easier than I can shake the wind off my back
Cause you lack everything I want in a man
And you're a child who toys with my emotions
Look at the pain and commotion you caused
The damage is done
And I'll stand on this pile of rummage
Of twisted words and lies that slowly burn
I'll gracefully curtsey, smile and wave
Cause this girl is gone, and you dont have a say
In wether or not I stay
You have a small ***** anyways

I thought today would be a good day.
That was my first mistake.
Writers Block.

I can still taste regret in my mouth
My crippled body crawls for more
and my disfigured heart knows no remorse
My soul has hallowed, as it echos my pain
The tears flow with rhythm
While my lips quiver and shake
And I remember darkness always wins
As I fall into the hands of sin

You keep talking words of sweet love songs
You tell me I can finally be done with Mr. Wrong
You caught my eye by surprise, and I felt paralyzed by your smile
I opened up and let you in
My walls came crashing down
And finally my unsteady beat, had a rhythmical sound

Until the day you grew cold, your eyes a glassy stone
And then I recognized a feeling so familiar
The sharp jaged pain of hurt
The kind of hurt where you yearn for more than anything to be numb to the pain
And not feel the venom of betrayal run through your veins

I wish for more than anything to rid myself of my naive mind and these webs of lies
I spin inside
You claim to be so innocent
I hate to break it to you baby, but you're still the ****** bag
I'm running from

Another ******
Another night
I'm losing trust
While you're losing sight
Of what you want, of what I am
This dance we dance
It's lost it's tune
The moon hangs low in the starry sky
While I make a wish and close my eyes
I wish you were gone
And I wish I was wrong
Wrong that you've moved on
While I still whistle the tune of our song

That time has come, where the walls start to close in
My mind unravels and my thoughts cave in
My pulse is fast and my lips feel weak
How do you speak words that will make someone weep?
It would be easy to hide, to run and lie
But my heart would rot
And my soul would die
But conscience knows you deserve a proper goodbye

The tears are like rain
But the screams in my head are only a mutter
My chest moves up and down with each shudder
Yet I hold tight onto this pain
Im addicted
How can you enjoy something that makes you feel dead?
Makes your feet feel heavy like lead
Your breaths short and sharp
And your heart aches till it falls apart
And till there's nothing left but remorse
and your crying corpse

You're wasting your time
We're a story that will die
I'll run and hide
While you'll hurt inside
I don't mean to cause pain
But it's a poison that runs through my veins
So run for the hills
And keep your heart beating
   still. . . .

I've closed enough doors
To leave the past behind

I know your feet are heavy
And your heart sinks to your stomach
With shaking hands that can't be held steady

When you've lost your way
And your mind is filled with dismay

Seek through the rummage
The ashes and dust that remind you
of regret and disgust

Close the door.

I'll remember the way you acted
Even though I try to burry it with the hatchet
I'll remember how little I felt inside
And the feeling of always being denied
The feeling of being broken and unwanted
Stranded, and forgotten
I'll remember this, when you come back
Expecting me to forget

You throw on this little act
That your a gent, and a man of class
When really you're a little boy with no morals
A coward who feeds off my horrors
Look at your wrist...
Glance at your viens...
An icey cold blue that makes you feel no pain
Or maybe the reason,
Why you feel no shame, in your pathetic ways
Your soul has gone cold
And your heart has died
Now a resting place, where the Devil lays and hides
I hope you're proud
Of what you've become
So cheers too you
And your ****** up way of "fun"

I let you go, I tried to shake you off
Like a bad dream that can't be fought
Your words cut deep, and effect my sleep

I wish you never knew
that trying to please you,
destroyed me and empowered you.

But that was then and this is now
You go ahead and take your bow
This show you put on, this little act

It ended us, as it's final act.

1 girl 2 girl 3 girl 4, how many more?
Sweetie I didn't start this war.
Do I need to spell out what you are to me now?
Nothing, you've hit your all time low, can you feel the blow?
Even through it all, I stand pretty tall.
Words that once cut me so deep...just seem to f
                                          a
                                                 l
                                                              l.
                                                higher.
                                        higher
            You said I'd fail, but now I soar, higher
And I laugh because you were such a horrible liar.

Amusing? Isn’t it, please don't tell me what you'll say next,
   Cause this has just turned into a guessing game,
what girls name will I hear next?
I always fell right back to you like gravity.
But after a while, it just felt like I was in captivity.
Why do you like the way regret taste?
Because now I realize how believing in you was a complete waste.



But now I'm fine, no now I'm divine.
So thanks for making me that much stronger, cause I wasn't going to hold on any longer.
But I could go on all day about what a cheating coward you are,
Believe me.
But this is all I need to say..
You thought you were sneaky, but when all this ended..
who's heart really needed to be mended?

If I was a bird this is what I would do,
   I would fly into the deep blue sky till I couldn't see you.
      And then I'd soar and simply rise and see myself to the oceans tide.
         I'd flap my wings and gaze at the stars and forget all my scars. Forget the people from my past
             and never look back. And as the sun sets I'll know I'm safe, Cause I'm miles away from those who  **made me this brave.

If it were to end my heart would mend.
It's when you blur the lines, that's what
makes my stomach stir inside.
If it happens again I wont stay to see the end,
you have me hanging by a thread.
Nothing last forever and I'm aware of that
tremor.

There's another vulture watching free from exile. I shrink back moved by the memories of the world.

It's gunna be awhile before you can love again,
  open up your heart and let someone in.
Because all you've ever been told is lies, from men of the coldest eyes.
  So as they carry on with their petrified souls,
know that through it all you stayed brave and bold.

Sit for awhile, try not to think of agony and exile.
I know it seems dark now like sailing uncharted sea's,
                                           but before you put it all at ease and give up..
Just remember we all know these times are tough.