it's too bad,
blowing on the harmonica
that he's found
Louise can never be what he needs

and it's too bad
strumming the strings
that he knows
Johanna is all he'll ever want

and it's too bad
singing the song
that he knows
Johanna is gone

and all he wants is to see
Johanna not Louise,
but Louise can go
to the ends of the world
and Johanna knows she's what he wants

Johanna dances in his mind
and Louise walks a thin line
Johanna sways to and fro
and Louise stays put - everything just so

and all he wants to see
is Johanna, not Louise.

cowardice
in the blood
on the sharp edges
dripping
staining

fear,
resentment,
disappointment,
loneso­me,
lost.

mostly cowardice.

who is she now?
a different person from before.

it would be okay
if they all forgot about her now
because they all know
what she used to be

that's who they love
that's who she loved.

she'll forget now.
because she knows
what she used to be.

baby, I’m a ******* for your love
baby, I’m a lover of your soul
baby, I’m a crawler to your door

baby, I’m a flier on your wings
I’m a crier of my tears
baby, I’m a sinner
I can’t win
baby, I’m addicted to your love

baby, I’m a lost soul
and baby, you’ve found me
baby, I’m an old woman
but baby, you know me
baby, I’m a crashed car
and baby, you’re my saving grace

I’m falling hard
and baby I’m hoping you’ll catch me

you already have a million times

I belong somewhere
where the wind blows
but never too hard

where the leaves change
but never fall

where the rain comes
but never pours

where the trees grow
but not too tall

where the people laugh
but not too hard

where the smells are good
but not too strong

where the love is huge
but never runs out

I belong nowhere

there is no nowhere

-- it's where I am.

I’ve figured it all out
that I love the stars,
but I love you more

the grass feels good
between my toes,
but there’s something
about you kissing them
that feels like heaven
(I don’t even like my toes)

and it’s so nice
to feel the wind in my hair,
but I like it best
when your fingers run through it

and I like to hold flowers,
but not as much
as I like to hold your hand

and you told me once
that between my fingers
is the perfect place for yours
and now I believe it more than ever

because the days that I spend
without you here
are the days I feel your hand in mine

I like to cry when no one’s watching,
but when you look at me
you don’t see tears

I like to feel the sun
warm on my skin,
but more than that
I love to feel your fingers

more gentle than the sunshine
more fluid than water
more perfect than the last bit
of a five thousand piece puzzle

and sometimes I feel
like I can’t go on,
but the things you say to me
wake me from bad dreams

and the words you write for me
swim in my mind
more expertly than the fish in the creek
where my feet wander

and I know it’s a lot
and I know there’s a journey
and I know it’s hard for you
because I feel the pain too

but I want to make the journey with you
and I want to hear your words every day

and the girls that look at you
don’t know that my heart is on your sleeve
and the ones that want to touch you
don’t know the way I long for you

the ones that watch your lips move
don’t know the time I’ve spent
wishing I could shrink so small
and perch expertly there
and feel your breath soft in my hair
and feel your words caress me as they come
and feel your tongue run across my shoulders

and they don’t know how it feels
to be away for days on end
nor the pain that sometimes comes
and they don’t know how nice it is
to be called yours
and I know they all long to be
the one on the other end of your “I love you”
and I hope forever that it’s me.
and I hope your love always flies to me
and I hope if I ever get the chance
to be that fairy and sit expertly
that if I ever have to fly away
I’ll fly with your love on my wings.

you should know that everywhere you go
my love sits wonderfully on each curl
and it rests gently on your tongue
and it comes out softly with your breath
and when you sleep, it walks brilliantly
on your eyelids
and through the lines of your lashes
and when you wake it’s in your toes
and when you play I’m in the strings
that feel your dedicated fingers

and I hope it’s alright
that even when I can’t be there
I find half of me is present wherever I may be,
but the rest runs with you.

and I’m sure you know that my heart is yours
and I pray you’ll hold it in your hands
forever and ever until the end of time
and if we see that day come,
I hope it’s with you
that I watch the angels fly
and I hope it’s with you that I feel water and fire
and I hope it’s with you that my soul flies away
and I hope you don’t mind that I want to be yours
because it’s too late now
to take it all back
and it’s too late now to forget the words

so please don’t leave without me
on your mind
and tangled in your hair
and between your fingers
and under your toes
and sitting daintily on your wonderful lips.

there’s a story
that comes down the line
from those that have forged
the road we’re traveling

we see that it is long
and watch how it winds
for miles and years in front of us

with each step
we conquer a twist
survive a turn

following the leaders
who’ve travelled before
leading our followers
who’ve not been this far

and though even we
are as unsure as they
you take my hand
and we run surely
through it all

stop along the way
to pick the flowers
that grow under our feet
to dance in the golden fields
and walk in the warm sunlight
we’ll skip in the rain
and play hop-scotch on stars.

on our road, rest isn’t needed
and our smiles fuel us
and our laughter leads us
and our tears give us courage

and in the end,
as the story goes,
there is no pain.

in the end,
as the story goes,
we’ll have nothing but smiles
and laughter will become music
and we’ll have every bit of courage
we could need

our story will be fed
to those that follow
just as we were fed
the story of those we followed

and everyone to follow after
will know it’s possible
and everyone to follow after
will know what it takes
and everyone to follow after
will find the courage
and everyone to follow after
we will see at the end

what is it that I’ve got to do?
tell me, love, and I will.

what is it that I've got to do?
to wake up underneath you tomorrow
and to see your smile before I go to sleep
and to close my eyes
to your voice.

I’ll walk a thousand miles,
I think you know.
I’ll swim a million oceans
if I can see you on the shore.

I’ll give it all up
if that’s what it takes
to feel my hand in yours.

greed isn’t my deadly sin,
neither lust -
but when it comes to you
I am the embodiment of many.

greed and lust and passionate fervor
and I think everyone notices.

I know they’re all tired
of me saying your name
but it’s the only one
that can slip comfortably between my lips
and sound the way it should

and it’s the only one that fills my heart
with what I want to feel every second.

it just so happens
that I lace you into
every song that I hear

I find your name
scrawled wonderfully
on the spine of every book.

it just so happens
the grooves in my records
all spell out your name

and it just so happens
that my fingerprints
can be found all over you

and that the smell
of your skin lingers
on mine for as long as I let it

but it just so happens
that I’d let it linger longer,
time, I find, makes it fade

and it just so happens
that the time has come
that it's gone from me
for now

and it just so happens
that for now I’m not sure
which way’s up and which is down

and your hand is missing from my life
and your words are spare

my time is long
and all I have to do
is wish you were here

and it just so happens
that tonight
I’ll fall asleep alone

I’ll invent your smell
and behind my closed eyes
I’ll watch you move
your perfect lips
to the words of my favorite song
and the words of yours

and it just so happens
that the tears will seep
from the corners of my eyes,
only to dampen
my flowered pillowcase

and it just so happens
that in the morning when I wake
I’ll still see you singing
I’ll hold on to the dream
for as long as I can.

I’ll remember the night you
told me
all the reasons
you knew you loved me.

back pushed against the door
in the dark, damp room.

I’ll remember the feeling
of knowing you are somewhere...
loving me

and I hope you know
wherever you may be
you should have that feeling
with you always.

and I hope you do always smile.
and I hope you do always laugh.
and I hope you do always love.
and I hope it’s always me.

but if it just so happens
that one day you wake and find
you can no longer say
your love is with me


I’ll set you free and watch you fly
and as you leave, I'm sure I'll cry -
but your wings spread in front of me
will be the happiest thing I’ll ever see
even while they’re flying
you away from me.

it used to be
that shampoo didn't seem to cost $50
and that deodorant wasn't so hard to come by

it used to be that I didn't wear shoes
but then it was because I didn't want to

it used to be that gas was expensive,
now it's unrealistic.

it used to be that food was delicious,
now anything is delicious.

it used to be that I had everything I needed -
it was all comfortable.

now, even though everything isn't the same
and it's all much harder, I find that
it's not so bad.

I find that I can,
within reason,
fend for myself.

And I am,
within reason,
capable.

And I don't,
within reason,
need you to ****.

And now,
within reason,
you're gone.

last one
lit and burnt
slowly
savory
and the whole time
I think about you

and the very first time
I admired you
from across the yard
while I hung upside down
and the smoke sauntered from your lips
as brilliant as
a ballerina perfectly executing
all of Swan Lake
in fifteen seconds

and so mine comes to an end
while the smoke dances clumsily from my lips
the geese waddle from land to pond
and I wonder what it is
that’s got you so entranced in me.

rain dripping through the slats above
landing, each time, somewhere new.
my feet were bare.

you always tell me I should wear shoes,
sometimes you offer me yours,
but I like the way
the mud feels between my toes -
by now I think you know.

thick smoke
lingering everywhere
broken by raindrops,
brought together by wind -
dancing away
to some far, distant land

we gaze through the squares
in front of our faces,
watch while cars speed by
in the unrelenting rain.

pizza?

pizza’s always good,
you know, when I was in Italy...

....the sentence trails off

you know.

and we step fearlessly
into the unrelenting rain
make our way inside
and like always you're sure
my feet are warm

your pizza is on the floor
and my laughter is coming
like the rain falling outside.
the look you give me
makes me laugh harder

until there are tears
running from the corner of my eyes
and my cheeks are warm and happy.

that’s when I know,
as I finally calm
and wipe the tears from my cheeks,
that there is no place
in the world
I would rather be than here -
giggling at pizza in the floor.

sitting across from you
your furrowed eyebrows
fierce words
shaking papers in front of my face

tears running faster from my eyes
and slower the words come
lost in a jumble of anger

and then it stops.

there across from you
I find that I know more than you
about the things you’ve seen

you’ve lived with your eyes closed
and I’ve learned to open mine

you’ve lived scared of all of it,
but I’ve figured it doesn’t all matter.

and now I know what it’s like
to not mind much
about the things you say

and now I know how it feels
to let the knives of your words
go only skin deep

and now I know how it feels
to mend my own bruise

and now I know how it feels
to catch my own tears

and now I know that you’ve taught me
much more than you meant to

lessons in love and life

money, too.

and now I know how it feels
to put it all behind me
and start out new

and now I know how it feels
to forget about the question
that sometimes haunts my mind

I know what it’s like to forget your cold heart.

and now I know how it feels

to just let go.

and now the sun sets
the night comes
but my eyes don’t close
nor do they wander

there you stand
my foot taps to the beat
of your perfect serenade
words dance,
flowers in a sunny field

I know you know
just what you do
the light touch
drives me crazy
the look you give me

take my hand
pull me in the right direction
never lead me wrong
tell me all night
about perfection, imperfections

stars twinkle and fade
into the orange glow of sunrise,
the fading yellow of moon-set.

the grass turns green again
glistening with dew
(it’s nice how that happens)

your eyes close now
and that’s all fine with me
it’s like it all never ends

perfect in every way
imperfections fade,
lost in laughter and love

mine now flutter shut
and behind them I see
just us two swimming
in an endless sea

it’s not water, neither blood
but wonderful sensations
fill my mind

we are tossed and turned
in the sea
laughing all the time

then your eye catches mine
and so I fall deeper
into sleep and sea.

love,

tumbling downwards
only to find that at the bottom
you stand smiling

and together, in my dream
we lay under a blanket
of perfectly formed stars
warming our toes to our fingers
like the very first time.

when I wake I find you,
hand on my shoulder
the way you sometimes do
smelling like morning fresh,
ready for a day

and so I admire you from my place
nestled in a warm bed
I know then
everything is complete
while your hand rests that way
on my shoulder
until I wake.

she’ll be lost one day
words on the back
of a tear-stained postcard

forced to smile at everyone
she’ll remember
what it was like to be small

to have the world at her fingertips
letters written all backwards
beautiful in her own right

one day the feeling will be gone
no longer free to roam,
she’ll have to settle down

it’s what we expected all along
but the tears form canyons on her cheeks

what used to be a halo of curls
now an unkept mess of stick straight hair
sticking to her wet cheeks and damp neck

she’ll write to me
“what’s the answer?”
but just like now,
even then I won’t know

I’ll be just as lost as she
in a world where nothing is ever the same
and just like now,
then I will tell her,

“Laugh all night long
find the one you can give yourself to
heart and soul let it be theirs
because then you know
you’ve got something to live for.

Do the things that make you happy
expectations of others aren’t yours to fulfill
step lightly always, like you do now
and look at the world with fresh eyes.

people can’t taint how you feel about life,
but when you find that your beautiful out-look
is changing to blood tinted pictures,
close your eyes and remember.

Remember the small things
remember the love
remember the warm glow
and your cold feet

then you’ll see,
the pictures will change
to be just as beautiful
as the one you see
on the other side of this postcard.”

my drawing will be
like it always has been.
ball point pen meticulously sketching
three tiny figures
dark curly hair
smiles from ear to ear
swirled sunshine overhead
flowers towering above

at the bottom, barely legible
“love always, forever -
unconditional.

sister.”

your breakfast will be shining stars on a silver platter.
in your lunchbox I will pack sunshine
each tear you cry, I will catch.
when you’re scared you know where I am
I’ll hold you like three months
sing you to sleep or smiles

days and days and days.

I know that you’ll be lost sometimes
I won’t always have a map
but on the table you’ll find food
and in the bed a safe place for you
to rest your eyes and count the sheep
quietly prancing behind closed eyes

months and months and months

you’ll love and lose and be alone,
but always even when your last friend folds
you know when you open the door
I’ll hear the creak and rush to hold you at arms length
and with one glance I’ll know your pains
pull you closer and tell you

tales of when long ago my last friend folded
tales of when the fire licked my toes
tales of when the sun danced on my skin
and then and there you’ll know
all along I loved you
so much more than time can tell
so much more than words can say
so much more than letters can spell
and so much more than sounds can make

I’ve loved you more than wind in my hair
I’ve loved you more than dirt between my toes
I’ve loved you more with each painful moment

with each jab she made, my love grew
every tear watering the flower
long before I knew it existed
Each snark comment that cut my skin
leaving me bleeding and aloney
fed the flower ever growing
and if you ever come along

you’ll know from the moment you feel my touch
that I will dance with you until the sun comes up
I’ll catch your tears all night long
I’ll give you ice cream
and listen to your angel voice soft against my ears

I’ll cradle you until you’re my size
then I’ll cradle you some more
I’ll hold your laugh in my heart
and when I’m crying I’ll let it out
like Pandora and her box
but your laugh will infect all things with good
make them shine like gold and silver

I will not keep you from mistakes
it’s not my place to live your life
I’ve already been living mine,
but if you need help, ask.
When you need support I’ll be there
Do the things that make you smile
that smile will make me happier
happier than any gold medal,
happier than and sum of money
could ever make me.

That smile will make me dance
and sing and and live longer than anything
because in your smile
there’ll a little part of me.
Nothing big or great,
because I’m neither,
but something small and subtle.

Everyone will know your smile
and you will always remember
every day when you wake up

that my love for you overflows every ocean
that my love for you stands taller than any crane
that my love for you outweighs any killer whale
that my love for you runs deeper than the grand canyon
deeper even than the Mariana Trench
higher than seven Mt. Everests and an Eiffel Tower

And when you wake up and feel my love
where ever you are
be it Paris, Rome, Milan, Idaho
be it Iceland or Greenland or Newfoundland,
you will smile.
You will know when your eyes open to start each day
that my love is wrapped around you tight always
where ever you go
you will smile and everyone will know
you. are. loved.

In corners of my mind that should be unoccupied I find you lurk.

In crowds of people, unfamiliar, I see your face.
Fleeting usually, please stay.

Canyons carved now, rivers running down.
From where I don’t know.

Are you at the top?
The bottom?

In unlit allies, there you are.
Are you lost?
I wish you could belong with me.

Fingertips don’t linger, I don’t mind.
But sometimes I wish they could stay a little longer.

Frenzy all the time.
No matter, I’ve lost you in the crowd again.

I hope, I think, that you’ll come back
but the smile as you leave warms my heart.

you don’t turn around.

A rhythm overflows the grief
moment by moment
rocking melodiously
words humming like velvet
soft like the rain on a spring day
soothing her head
surrounding her wandering mind

dissolving slowly like salt on her learned tongue
round twists and turns
creamy moving effortlessly through bendable tubes
soaking into new found places
squeezing harder
non lasciar andare

smarting palm against gripping-
breath heavy, warm and moist
gasp in cracked tones from far within
long, long, long

pressing, constricting
slippery and close
lips move slowly along open ears
touch gently
fall subtly closer still, yet again

eyes open, flutter quickly
passing over adoring breath
and wet lips
along the way loosened grip
squeeze once more
giusto per essere sicuri

flashing teeth in sure smile
understanding dimple
fingers flow and stop to rest
eyes flicker to dancing pupils
stars swirling
open and see
colors playing in the dark

curl around feet and legs
tight and tired
collapse and laced comfortably forever.

more, more, more
what’s new in your
nine to five, “I’m so high” life?
over there that’s money and mine
please don’t touch

say what you want to say, but I know what it’s about
so long, farewell to the long way we’ve come
bringing us down to lower than we were
before you arrived.

That’s fine with me, I’ll fend alone
see if I remember you when a few years pass
a long way from any home of mine
a nod in the store can suffice
maybe I won’t see you there.

next week sometime, that’s what it always is
later tonight doesn’t come soon enough
and soon enough it doesn’t matter
what’s your name, have we met?

changed so much, it’s all fine with me.
i’ve forgotten exactly what you used to be.
smaller as the years go by, all of it lost in time.

sell your soul to the devil,
or maybe I’ve sold mine?
god sits somewhere lost in love
and here you are with nothing but an ink smudge
it’s all fine though, we learn as we go
I guess you’ve fallen somewhere along the line
maybe when I figure it out I’ll die.
I guess you’ll be soon behind?
if not that’s fine you’ve got a long way to go,
don’t worry about it so much,

remember though, who I was
and who you wanted to be.
never the same, never to meet
angel on your shoulder,
devil in your head,
I guess there’s a lot to say
let’s talk soon,
but keep your mouth shut and your fists clenched
what other way could it ever be?
long lost far away
see you soon, we’ll know where we sit then.

wander and Roam – traveling show
far and w i d e You will go.
At the end. I hope You find
Here i am every time.

Young and FREE, You don’t know any more than me
And i’m
  lost and sometimes      lonely,
but at the end. i know i’ll find
there You are every time.

roads that wind. eyes. closed.
people watch from miles away.
they talk, run their mouths all about You and me
          trivial words - - calloused feet and unkept hair
I can’t bring myself to care.

Everywhere You go i want to be.
gone sometimes i know i’ll find You,
but at the end come back to me.
  Patiently waiting bent over a scratched sheet
is where i’ll be.

crisp and clean. cotton.
only to be ripped to shreds.
Unmended then you’ll go.
   Come back and you’ll find. they are as before-
The work of two can’t be done alone.

Take me away to fields of green.
Take me away to streets of gold.
Take me away to deserts of sand.
Take me away to a sea so vast.

Take me
take me       never to return.
blue     and     blue     and     blue     and green. all the world i want to see.
Your eyes, I think, they see it differently.

golden     golden     golden sand. must mean more if i can hold Your hand.

anywhere anywhere anywhere You are. there i am too.

whisper to me when You come HOME
I hope HOME is always with me.
Happy and fortunate I hope You live
Young and FREE I hope You stay.

Do what You must to go Your own way
     be Your own, never sway.

Don’t look back, always ahead.

find me, find me in the end.

remember, love, the night we spent
under the stars until morning light came
remember the words we said all night long

remember, love, the way I look at you
I promise, promise, promise - it’s always true

remember, love, when you uttered those words
unexpected though it was
there’s nothing else I wanted to hear

remember, love, the night we fought
I don’t think I cried
but I never again want to feel that way

remember, love, your raised voice
mine tied in knots on the other end
next to you is the only place I want to be
just to feel the touch of your hand.

remember, love, everything I say
because all the words ring true
over and over and over again
I want it to begin and end with you

remember, love, the way it feels
to hold my hand in yours
remember the things you say to me
when you hold me and I cry

remember, love, the way it tastes
to touch your lips to mine

remember, love, the way you looked
into my eyes the first time.

remember, love, when I write
you always play on my mind.
remember, love, when you sing
somewhere I’m listening

remember, love, the way I melt
when you’re close as close can be

remember, dear, the way it feels to be in loving company.

I could listen to you for ages,
tell me a story - when you talk it’s all I hear.
A million things to worry about
but all I see is you.

Halfway to another halfway point
and the end is nowhere near.
Something else to think about,
but all that’s playing on my mind is you.

a million problems in the wide world,
but god knows willing or not,
my thoughts are with you.

The road is long but not open - hours to think,
mind trapped between skyscrapers and bums

I didn’t look back, I don’t know why.
I wonder if you watched me leave.

your voice is what I hear in my dreams
it catches me and carries me and keeps me safe.
the weight pulls me but never down.

My best friend is a hundred miles away.
loud and happy and proud
smiling and talking and telling stories.

lost in a world of people who don’t know,
but I think you do.

Lost and lonely, but somewhere I find a home
between the look in your eyes and the touch of your hand

I hope everyone we know looks and laughs
I hope they all think it might not last
because in the end that’s fine with me

I really don’t mind so much (about what they think).

Stars drowned out by city lights
flicking cigarettes while the birds sing
smoke dances, halos

later never comes
sooner stays within reach
lovers’ embraces
touches lost in blowing winds

twinkling displaced by loud laughs
long breath, miles away
missing you like tomorrow never comes

moon sets, sun rises
just like the day before.
misplaced voice in a loud crowd
too far away from arms close by