I am drawing my dreams,
I am painting my pain,
I am sketching my sentimentality
I am doodling my dignity
I am portraying my poverty
I am illustrating my illness

Clothes, paintings, people
No
Its only words that matter
A word was in the beginning
A word will be in the end
I am waiting a word from you
Or three
Or two
I, you, they
And only
One word in between
This word is longer than eternity
This word is yes

The moon is like a gigantic fire ball coming out of
Of the dark mountains,
It dazzles me
I always was wandering how the moon can be dazzling
It is sun that dazzles.
The night has invaded the town
The night has been looking through me.
I cannot say No to it
I cannot say No to myself
Night always gives those topics for the meditation,
Why what when where with whom
How much how well how soon
There are plethora of questions to answer.
And even more answers to question.
Night is your best friend and your
Worst enemy at times.
It fights you and it is always on your side.

It's so heavy on my heart
to escape the death --what a useless art
to evade the final day
to forget the final pray
to sleep in through all that disguise
when your parent dies
something in you disintegrates as well
someone spit in your soul
into this bottomless well
something locked part of you
in the darkness of lies
it is hard to drag through
when your parent dies
when your parent dies

Scandinavian movies
Bring a lot of fog in my life.
My life is so foggy
My dreams are  groggy..
Elvira Madigan looks at him
While he is shaving…
Scandinavian movies
I like to watch them.
They stop this crazy Flamenco
That my heart dances
They bring the coldness of
Fjords in it.

Doctor Glas reads the verdict:

“This is a chronic disease
Underneath her soul is sinful grease
Darkness blackness, the lack of light
She is so tired to fight
So tired to fight.
She loves
There is no cure
yet
She is a liar
Her love is not pure
Her life is dirt, distilled sin
She is so tired to fight
She won’t ever win.”

Elvira Madigan kisses her lover
I am imagining I am kissing you
Elvira Madigan leans forward, kisses him
He still has a blade in his hand,
He unclamps the vessel with his desires,
He unclamps his hand
The blade falls off
This is so dangerous
Like …..Love.
Scandinavian movies
I like to watch them.

It is the dullest thing in the world
to drink ***
with the hope that you won't have a hung over tomorrow
it is also too naive to believe
that two wings can take you away from you
the bar at the airport is busy
with every shot
I am forgetting your name
and your skin
your whisper
I am forgetting you
losing myself
in a ***
it is the dullest thing in the world
to *** away
your love
to run away from yourself
it is the sin.
I am going on a business trip
sounds like a nonsense
in reality,
I ruin the lives
giving money to people
borrowing from the others.
I cant even get on a plane...
forget me
abandon me
for
I failed the main deal
of my life
I failed LOVE

oh yes
there are worse things
than being alone
Bukowski

there are worse things
than being alone
there is a death, a sickness, poverty
sum altogether, add some salt
from my pursed lips
this is my life without you
there are worse things
hurricanes, tsunamis, tornadoes
and broken childhood
and I love you
and am happy
when you leave
I evacuate the town of my happiness
I break down my card or toy houses
my child inside of me cries
you break my happy childhood
you break me
oh yes there are worse things
the depths of insanity
the oceans of the desperation
insomnia
Time magazine always changes its cover
why would you leave me now
in this gray and gloomy world
one on one with grief
there are worse things
but this place without you is pretty
bad