I have lost my mind
this is not hyperbole

I am suffering

I have lost control
I am in a twister of doubt
I do not know who to call

I am alone
there are no ears at the door
nobody knows to be concerned
I wear armor everyday

My armor does not crack in public
it is hard metal
my tears have remained invisible

yes, believe I am clenching my jaw and my fists
I am holding on for dear life

you told me it was worth living...

barren friendships
love lost
my armor is still on

I sob under my blanket
alone like a child

I do not want you to see my pain

I am afraid to tell you why it hurts

i am poetry
i am the figurative language English teachers aim to disect
i am the metaphor within the metaphor within the simile
i demand commas and semicolons because no sentence should only have a period
i am the body of language that people seek to understand
i do not need to be understood
you can check your dictionary
understand my anecdotal properties
see how many stanzas there are
i am poetry because i make no sense
these are words
the purest language yet impossible to understand
i am poetry because i can listen to the sound of the wind
i can speak volumes without speaking
i am poetry though i am not always fluid
but rhythm is not essential and forced thoughts do not matter
i am poetry because i want to be understood
but there is no clear meaning
there is no clear cut
evaluate me as you may
interpret what you will
i am poetry and i will live on

I am not a body
I am a soul
I am not an empty room
there are no reservations to be made

soulmates never die
they rest in your heart's valves
hibernating from the love that was yours
they sneak up on you occasionally
through hidden lyrics
through words unspoken
through social media, god ******

soulmates graze your heart like dandelion blossoms
they make you feel whole and loved and welcome

but soulmates are not always mutual
they are the one way street you do not want to drive down
the dead end you encounter each time you try to get close to the end

your heart may meld into my mold but perhaps yours needs growing
perhaps the valve pumping blood to your heart is reserved
for someone you have not met

but...
you have met me
you have met my grin at midnight
my tears in your car
my forehead on your shoulder

soulmates never die
you will rest inside me till i forget what it was like to love you

i will always love you
you fit my mold
you rise like magic out of a storybook

your words will never be forgotten
for i live to hold your memory

may it rest comfortably
and may it find a home
in my heart, I hope

This lack of inspiration is exhausting
because I need to write to feel
and right now I am as emotionless as a lampshade
yet as emotional as a broken hearted hoodlum
this emotional paradox is draining the juice that keeps me running
it is content but it is confusing
the only solvency to this whirlwind of blankness
is unknown
enter into calculator
no solution
this lack of inspiration
a mirror can't even show me who or what or how
the music that enlivens me no longer strikes me as perfection
and it's strange because this darkness isn't dark
it's not light but it's fluctuating
fluctuating like an unsteady heartbeat
and jesus,
I hate religion
what is this feeling of nothing
emotion: blah
it's pathetic
where are the words that used to save me
where is the poem that made me proud of what I had to say
all there is right now
is ranting
and confusion
and **** this because
I can't seem to articulate whatever it is that
I need to say
so **** this

blades of truth beneath
feet as bare as birth
inhale the soulful wind of
illusions of hope
and step
foot to ground
sigh at the flock, as
it has returned from
redundant seasons
i had hoped that
birds would not
return, as
their unison reminded
me of normalcy
and i am still standing
enclaves of shimmering
possibility become matte
in the light of
what has become
the spiral we call
*life

cradle the passion he fills you with

sing till lungs bleed for he is your melody

never question his word

only bite it with flame

grab onto parts of him that will one day go away