i yearn to smell
the intoxicating scent
you bring with you
everywhere
i lay in bed talking to you
wishing we could escape
our complicated lives
lives that consist of twists and turns and messy intersections
why does it have to be so difficult
why cant i escape into the night
with you
your aroma

The wind brushed my cheek
A feeling I wish I could forever keep

In days of despair
And no one who cared

I go back to that moment
Praying for atonement

Atonement never came
There was only sorrow and shame

Till the wind brushed my cheek again
And for that moment I prayed for something more splendor
That moment is forever tender

Like the key of a piano
The voice of a soprano

I wish the moment would never leave
I wish that moment could never succeed

The days that were about to come
When all I would have is ***

Drunken days
God doesn't pay

For our wrongdoing
Or beer that wont stop brewing

I'll never forget the contentment of that moment
I could have sworn I was the proponent

For all sins and bad deeds

My eyes said
"I've been ill"
"I've cried a lot"
Perhaps my eyes hadn't said enough
My stomach aches were bruises from drugs
My incoherent thoughts were bruises from the painkillers
Eyes, you should have said more
I know I've been asked "Why so sad?"
I thought my eyes said it all
Couldn't the grayish blue irises say
"There are needles in my organs"
"Invisible ghosts using my body as a punching bag"
The blue pools resting in my skull say it all
Just listen

I'm going to wake up
I'm going to refuse to drink bad coffee
I'm going to read until my eyes feel glued shut
I'm going to tell you "I Love You" the  next time I see you

I'm going to listen to Joni Mitchell because I am the "Trouble Child" and her voice is as close to perfection as anything can ever be

I'm going to type until I have nothing left to say

I'm going to watch "Freaks and Geeks" because it feels good to be a part of something
I'm going to get a tattoo of a music note because it's the only thing that's always been there for me
I'm going to take long baths
I'm going to be relentless because I need certain things

I'm going to go to Spain and eat paella
I'm going to buy a Steinway and Sons piano even if I can't afford it
I'm going to fall in love again if we don't work out

I'm going to tear up get well cards and crush medicine bottles in my hand

I'm going to win until my room is light at night because my trophies shine
I'm going to go to Haiti and build homes

I'm going to speak in front of people suffering from depression and anxiety and tell them that it's difficult but that it's okay to talk about

I'm going to save a life even if it's a frog's
I'm going to shake the president's hand
I'm going to follow the wind and not a predetermined trajectory
I'm going to study because I want to and not because I want an 'A'
I'm going to sing even though I'm tone deaf

I'm going to tell my parents that they couldn't have helped me
I'm going to take pictures even it makes no sense
I'm going to tell everyone that they should never apologize for their art

I'm going to smile because I'm genuinely happy and not because I'm expected to

I'm going to California because I want to and Robert Plant agrees
I'm going to walk on glass
I'm going to illegally download old music
I'm going to get a PhD in folklore because folklore is amazing

I'm going to say "****" when I want to
I'm going to eat grapefruit until I break out in hives

I'm going to embrace you even though you hate nonsexual affection
I'm going to be content one day
I'm going to sail the coast of Maine
I'm going to make enough money to leave this town

I'm going to do everything I said "I'm going" to do