I was wired the wrong way
As a toddler my friends swallowed household chemicals
and their parents called poison control
but I swallowed lighter fluid when no one was looking
and ever since, I've been waiting for someone to strike a match on me
or I’ll strike one on them
My lover just smiles at me when the neighbors house burns down
I melt for him just like all their favorite possessions
I waved at them every day from my driveway
They thought I was saying "hello"
but I was warning them to check their smoke detectors
Never liked the color of their blinds anyway, I did them a favor
My heart is a cushion-cut diamond
I can't think of anything worse than being regular
Rather be the end of the world and maybe I will be

The night I told him I loved him and puked blood all over
his car door but he said he loved me too
sorry again
I'm not-so-living proof
men loves flames, boys love cheap sparklers
I carved our names into a wet bench in the forest
at 11:00PM and I got tangled in the tennis court net after
He loves untying knots in my heart anyway
I have a gun because other people use their heart as a weapon
Not all of us have that privilege
His parents raised a good one, I almost feel bad when it's
"Love me" this and "hold me" that
but he knows I’d give him the sun if he wanted it
He talks, I walk

I’m telling you to keep your eyes
off the ground because
one day you’ll be under it, I’ll be under it
And soon you’ll realize that I’m frosted with gasoline since birth,
so the right person could throw a match
You had a millisecond glimpse into the destruction I can bring
My blood is lighter fluid
If I’m dying here, I’m doing it face down on the sidewalk
with his name carved into the cement
like the stars on Hollywood Boulevard
I’m the picture of you on your first day of school
Your first skinned knee, the the bugs your six year old self
burned under a magnifying glass with the assistance of the sun
My Mother slept through my childhood
and Daddy loved infidelity
I knew when you looked past my white picket fence
I loved you
Whatever that meant
Whatever that means

I've screamed so loud my Father
swears I've caused a few earthquakes in my lifetime
so if you're not ramming your passion
down my throat
well I don't want it
The best thing about me is when you light me up
you don't know whether to expect
a nuclear explosion or just a spark
and you were drunk but not on me
It's nothing I'm not already used too
Sure you're wiping my tears now
but when I stop crying you say "finally"
I don't care if you grew up by the ocean
because my currents are stronger
People are afraid of being hurt
and I'm begging to be set up in flames

You tried to **** me

but how do you make a gunshot look like an accident
from that angle?

A stab puncture but it was only you and I

So you went for an emotional ****** but you forgot the body keeps walking
  
              Next time you wanna play God,
                       Remember I know how to play too

"I hate you more when I'm drunk" you said

    Everything about me makes you angry
I still sit on my hands and try not to say anything unless spoken too
"No one else will deal with you, ****, stop crying, I don't want people seeing my woman with tear stains."
    So I wouldn't cry in front of you anymore

     Each night I'd fall asleep helpless to my meal sized portion of pills
Anti-anxiety, antidepressant, sedative, pain killer, sleeping aid
"You're just like your Mother, all messed up"
I'm so ******* tolerant and you're so ******* disturbed
At least my Mother, didn't **** my married Father for his money
Sorry I just told everyone that

"Why can't you be more like...
Claire? Caitlin? Maia? Anna?"
I don't want to be like them
but if I was, you'd probably actually love me or at least stop
smacking me hard enough to make my jaw ache for hours
Three days before you put me in the hospital,
      by the way I tested positive for Rohypnol
You gave me a ring, solid gold and diamonds
that night you weren't worried about my stomach being pumped
but,
     "She better be wearing that ring, better not lose it in the hospital"

I flushed your $15,000 guilt gift down a hospital toilet.

I hate the smell of cigarette smoke
because I could smell it
when I lay crying, lingerie garter shattered,
stocking ripped at the 50's seam, red wrists aching
He said he wouldn't do it again
but he wanted to **** his hate into me
I'd slam the bathroom door
and only come out when I could retreat to the safety of his Mother
Every night I'd stare at the ceiling
wishing his heart valve would fail, or he'd accidentally
overdose on his prescribed blood thinners and
I'd be lucky enough to awake to his corpse