As Old As The Sea

Deep and mysterious
With an endless roar
Lies the ancient sea
With its’ mystical lore


Eternal,boundless,Sea
What creatures you hold
You harbor such secrets
Rich stories you’ve told

Both complex and moody
In storm or breeze
Showing a Clear blue face
Man sails across with ease


Deep within its depths
Lay cradle and grave
A final resting place
For the seafaring brave

to the one i have loved:
How do i put this eloquently?
how could my best friend, my baby,
cast me away so easily?
as if I meant nothing, all along
you smelled out my vulnerability and capitalized,
but your touch and kind words,
how could you fake them?
with such a serious vehemence
in which my intrigue grew to enamor?
I can't bring myself to admit the illusion,
the delusion,
but how else do you explain
the insignificance that brought me this pain?
you may be but i am not
stoic, i am full of nerves like a funny bone or sensitive tooth, and i wear them openly and freely,
you may see this as my weakness but it is my greatest strength,
to let myself feel what i may and know that those emotions are okay
to feel the world the way i see it and let people in

I know i made mistakes, i am human, am i not?
yet here is the delusion: did you expect me to be perfect? visions of a perfect love with understanding and support, tucked in the country side with a dog and someday a little boy or girl?
I had them too. Before you told me you could imagine a life with me.

and I took that to heart.

But never mind the past, it cannot be undone, although intense longing and plea for answers besets, i know this is for the best, i trust that you did me a favor in the long run. I am much too strong of a woman .

So my darling, goodnight and i wish you well
But i want you to know, just my sentient:
you will hold a piece of me no one had touched, even if i was your way of forgetting an even greater love,
i just wish that love could have been me.

Girl, around 27.
No, woman, rather.
Her youth walked through and hung there, dry, as mine did in exchange
so we pick and choose a role and sidle along the bar where
I am with a perk in the feet, lifted by the ***** of,
but a lot easier than you can imagine as
she lays her words out like warm hands and with a blue bird of compassion,
asks me how I am.
I gripe and she listens in a knowing way then reverse
in very clean queues and open mouths

She says, “They say today is going to be the busiest day of the year”, with a fire lit
behind an eye where she does not smile of her face, but through a grit in the teeth

I laugh inwardly, towards myself in a search for appropriation and then spit heavily onto table, “well, it looks like we both have something to look forward to, then”.

Then angelic laughter where my cheeks couldn’t follow and I am ****** in.

There was a moment then, which I wish could be brought to plate and silver.
a sort of cunning lock between a soul and my own where I hope only to god,
that I’ve thrown a key down river.

She walks out after our matching eyes and mirrored moves
So I watch her,
not her ***,
not her chest,
not her brown, burning hair,
but the still skin of her neck in an open sense where I want to take it in
as if she had the happiness and I am jealous
like a tearing gabble of a baby.

In all actuality, you are trying to **** me with every chance you can get.
You makes my body reject food, reject sleep…all things that can make it better.
You convince my brain of one thing, and I have to fight to do the opposite.
It’s a chore to have to shower, brush my teeth, take care of myself with you in my life.
But you know that such simple tasks are the ones that will **** you.
You tell me to give up, to just give in, that no matter how hard I try that you will still beat me.

And that is the hardest part.

You convince my brain that it wants my body to die.
But my heart, my soul doesn’t want to, it can’t.
It’s a struggle every second of my life to convince myself that what I am doing against you’re “better judgement” is really the right thing to do. But sometimes everything gets confused and that’s when I have these big break downs.
And during these breakdowns you are always winning…to the point where I am ashamed of what I’ve done.
But then I have to remind myself it was you, Depression, that let it happen.
I, Alex, had no control.
So my body is trying to **** itself one way or another and all I can do is fight back the best I can.
It’s this horrible game of tug and war that neither side is winning.
You are so exhausting.

But I’m going to beat you. I’m going to win.

rhyme meter
sonnet, etc.
let's take our words
and call them art
instead of empty
meaningless vessels
that do and say
little
until you
pick them up
read
listen
learn
love
and fill these
empty shells
with meaning and
heart
yourself

Some nights. I see your blue eyes in my sleep. Not nightmare, yet not good sleep. Staring deep into my soul. Caressing dreams in and out, like a ramblin man singing the blues. I cannot awake with you there. My mind, my soul takes the torture in some masochistic fashion. I cannot look away for it is all our fault. You are dead, an eternal child. Never to know the woe of this world, and yet never to know the love of a woman, the love of  life. I'm sorry there was nothing we could do, we tried we tried we tried. Looking straight into my eyes with yours, I saw myself in the grey blue as life faded. I saw my future my past and my present. Those eyes almost perfect copies of my own. I write this to you as amends as apology. I will never forget that day, I will never forget your eyes. I will never forget your death.