Walking the ocean
Only soft sand on my feet
The waves crashing into my thoughts
Such a sweet and salty release
At last
Peace

Im so tired of fighting
For a while I just can’t think
I laugh the loudest
Who’d have known?
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
And nobody knows me
And nobody gives a ****
I keep my head up right
But I don’t sleep
I don’t sleep
I don’t sleep til it’s light
I just wanna close my eyes
And forget what’s in front of me
Give me your eyes
And let me see the sunshine
Just give me your eyes
And I’ll believe in anything
I’ll try my best to keep my head up right

I was looking back at my journals
And all the writing on the pages were smeared
Not from the ink that was never supposed to disappear
But from all my tears
That had supposedly fallen down my cheeks
Splashing carelessly onto the paper
Smearing emotions and complaints and all the hope
That I had acquired over the past year

I'm not sleeping
I'm not eating
I'm barely breathing
Am I really loving?

In my sleep
I barely move
Shadows persist
Nightmares insist

What I eat
Is mostly in between
Nothing makes sense
Anymore

This isn't living
I must be dreaming?

Whenever I listen to music
It’s hard not to place myself in the lines
It’s hard not to sing along like the focus is really all on me
Whenever I read a book
It’s hard not to jump into the chapters
Swipe the narrator off the page
And become the true hero of the book
Whenever I write
It’s easy to get lost in my world
Swim through the fantasies that cloud my own thoughts
I think that’s what life is all about
Find yourself in others
Be compassionate and kind
Make your life yours
Have no regrets
The end

I feel good
Healthy?
I mean I know it won't last forever
So I'm just going to hold onto it
Before it crumbles and falls apart again
My mind melting into a puddle
Okay okay
I'll stop now
I'll just enjoy it
Right?

Sometimes
All it takes
Is good music
To make my day
That's it
That's all I have to say

Twenty more
Until I hit a number
That's important for me
As a writer
As a dreamer
As a poet?

Sometimes
It's really hard to let scabs heal
It's hard to break the habit
Of peeling back the past
I keep revisiting old nightmares
Which only does more harm than good
But curiosity gets the better of me
And pretty soon old wounds are opened again
And I get mad at myself
Because why I can't I just leave things alone?
Just go with the flow
My skin may get tougher
But old habits die hard
Pretty soon
I'm back again
And this infinite cycle
Repeats
Repeats
Repeats
Repeats