When you have low serotonin levels.
When you have low serotonin levels, exercise has never been more important. Unfortunately, all the shaking from said unknown anxieties doesn’t count.  So instead I usually find myself on a bike pedalling furiously away from all my problems.  Or I slip on a pair of sneakers and sprint away towards the greener side.
When you have low serotonin levels, sleep has never been more needed. Sadly, this doesn’t seem to come easy for someone like myself. For some unknown reasons, I can’t get my eyes to shut.  I can’t turn my brain off and my thoughts run wild.
When you have low serotonin levels, coffee has never sounded any better. Coffee seems to cause my shaking to simmer when for most others it would go out of control.  Nothing too sweet, just enough to trickle down my throat. Afterwards, it’s like the fog has been cleared.  The best of course is shared with friends on a cobblestoned street in Europe.  Watching people pass by with smiles on their faces.
When you have low serotonin levels, music has never been more relaxing. Suddenly, all the thoughts are drowned out by someone else’s worries. Instead of my foot bouncing anxiously up and down from nerves, there’s a beat.  If you can give me music to listen to, then you can hear the beat of that rather than the non-rhythmic beat of my anxious feet.
When you have low serotonin levels, friends are the light in a world full of shadows.  They allow me to laugh and smile.  They are what push me to not be afraid.  I talk to them, and suddenly I’m more myself than I have been in months.  I’m laughing, I’m smiling. I’m making jokes.  When I do cry, I have them to lean on.  And I’m forever in their debt.
When you have low serotonin levels, optimism is key. You have to believe you see.  Try and wake up and smile.  Love yourself and those around you. Laugh until your stomach aches.  Cry until a small river has been made.
These are the thoughts from an anxious worrier.
And I don't want to tell you. I don’t have to tell you. Things could be different and I could be somewhere else. But no. Instead I am here.
I don’t want to have to tell you. But maybe you should know.

I got so tired discussing my future
My body decided to shut down
Afternoon of silence and nausea
Shaking sweating I can't get up
So I lay on the hard cold floor and
Tell the world to shut the hell up

Get me out of here
I need to leave
This year
Please help me learn to breath
All the air has been taken from me

The day goes by
Faces flicker past
All I feel is fear
Please help me learn to see
What's beyond this veil
The shades been drawn
Yet nighttime is all but gone

I come home from work
Shaken to the bone
Long day of meetings
Food was a waste of time
And all I feel is fear
Please help me learn to sleep
I'm so tired
Please

I wake up from this
Dream?
And all I see is me
Happy and sweet
All I feel is peace
Please keep me here
Never let me leave

I went on a run
This afternoon
To escape the past
Let the exercise wash over the rest

Yet no matter how far
My legs stretched
I couldn't stop placing bets
Against the future ahead

I only ran around the lake
So not that far
Still I was running
As if I was being chased
A life or death matter
Not just a game
Or a race

And you know perhaps I was?
Being chased
Not by my past
But by my shadow instead?

Running distracts me
And is great for my head
Gives me something to reach for
Someway to release the extra energy
The equivalence of taking the longest route
Through the school
Just to get to my next class

Listening to the music
Inside my head
I soon reach my goal
Slow down and walk
Until my breathing evens out

Take a stroll to the barn
Think things over in my head
Relax and breath
Knowing that I had just achieved
A four mile run

The shadow is now gone
By the way
I'm alone again
With just the thoughts in my head

When your jaw hurts
Because your mouth aches
Because you can’t quit faking
The smile that runs permanently across your face
The facade isn’t going to last forever you know
The stress insists
And you try so hard to resist

The minds and souls of the characters in my books are often more real than the brains behind the books. Hence, this is the reason I much prefer to read than to interact with the world around me. Some might argue that if I were to interact with my surroundings, I would get more out of it than the ink on the paper of my lovely books. Though I would argue that one must interact with a book to engage in one, and therefore one gets more out of it in the long run. Whereas the world that surrounds me, I can choose what I wish to interact with. Books automatically **** me in down a tunnel of well... you know...

I don’t know why I’m crying
All I can feel are the rivers of tears pouring down my face
My teeth chattering from all the shock
That brings my body gasping for air
For I can’t breath
Knowing that I had not received
An invitation to happier dreams

I woke up today
Feeling more like myself than I have in months
Therefore, it was a really good day
I was surrounded by people who believe in me
Who care about me
Who love me
People who share my interests and let me believe and inspire in anything
And I am so grateful for that❤️
And I started to cry
At the end of the day
Right now...
Realizing how lucky I am
How my now is not my forever

I spent the afternoon
Daydreaming about Spoon
Wondering what it would be like
To play Indie with the stars
The moon shinning bright
Down on the guitars
The drums beating to the rythm
Of some unknown fault
Would I have the courage?
To play with my heart?
Let my raw emotions
Glow in the dark
I don't know
I hope so

You may read me like a book
But the letters on the page
Are embedded with code
So no one really knows
How to read
Except myself
Of course
I know how to decipher
My own code


But if you take the time
If you want to
If you really care
Enough about me
You can learn
I can open up
It's really easy
To learn how to read a new book

How can I sit here?
Tearing myself apart
Both mentally and physically
Knowing and forgetting
At the same time
The consequences of its worth being

All I can do
Is sit still and breath
Forget about the world
And get lost in my dreams
Put a smile on my face
Wipe away the tears
Get up from my chair
And get on with my years

My feet hurt
My back screams
My heart aches
But today?
Today was a good day

What a time to be alive
The seasons changed
And I survived
I laughed
I cried
For I'd survived

I wrote my heart out
Hoping that one day
The world would strive
That peace would come
That hate would die

What a time to be alive
The seasons changed
And I survived
I laughed
I cried
For I'd survived

I walked to school
My back to you
For I knew
The time would come
To say goodbye

What a time to be alive
The seasons changed
And I survived
I laughed
I cried
For I'd survived

I ate my lunch
And thought how best to dine
With my friends?
Or my pensive mind instead
I chose the later
Hoping to answer
What might come next

What a time to be alive
The seasons changed
And I survived
I laughed
I cried
For I'd survive

After lunch
I made up my mind
I found my friends
And then I said goodbye

No not to my friends
They're too close to me
No I said goodbye
To all the uncertainty

After all
What a time to be alive
The seasons changed
And I'd survived
I laughed
I cried
For I had survived

Will I be missed when I am gone
Or will my ghost just linger all alone
Will my smile be forgotten
Will my laughter simply whisper
Between the shadows that hide my soul
Maybe I'll just be a twinkle
In the dark twilight of tomorrow's sorrow

Go to sleep
And think of me
As you close your eyes
And fall asleep

Go to sleep
And rest in peace
Lay still in your thoughts
Till your mind falls asleep

Go to sleep
And dream of peace
As the world around you threatens to cease

It's a ****-show
But it's life
And yea sure
I've seen some better days
But I promise ya
It's gonna be alright

Today was crap
And I'd say yesterday's tomorrow
Looked better on the other side
But that was when the light
Was shining bright

It's a ****-show
But it's life
And yea sure
I've seen some better days
But I promise ya
It's gonna be alright

Got home from school
My head hurt like hell
My jaw was in pain
From all the stress that
Somehow I found myself
Thinking

It's a ****-show
But it's life
And yea sure
I've seen some better days
But I promise ya
It's gonna be alright

I feel asleep
Fully clothed
My head hit the pillow
And suddenly I felt my eyes close
The room was black
My thoughts were grey
Yet on the other side
I swear I could feel the sun's rays

It's a ****-show
But it's life
And yea sure
I've seen some better days
But I promise ya
It's gonna be alright

Alright?

I forgot
I think I wrote
Something of importance?
A letter or a note?
Whatever
Something needed to be shared
Something was at the front of my mind
The words must have had meaning
They weren't just scribbled
As the ink is smeared all over my hands
Indicating that I was writing
Vigorously
Like something
or someone
Was chasing my mind
Oh well

Even though the words
Seem to have been erased
They'll come back to me
I think?
Eventually

I’m too tired to think
But I don’t sleep a wink
Yet honestly
That’s okay with me

Sometimes it’s nice to know that whenever you wake up at night seemingly alone, there’s a whole other world awake.

One day I want to write a book
The problem of course is that so far most of the chapters are and
Will forever be unwritten

Staring into the eyes of my destroyer
Even the mirror seems to cringe
So I shift my gaze to a happier scene
And my eyes open wide at what I see

The sun is shinning
The wind is binding
I'm feeling divine
The whole earth seems to shine

Stress is absent
Freedom is present
I'm laughing
I'm falling
All of a sudden I'm crying

Suddenly my eyes shut out the fantasy
Much to my dismay
Reality zooms into focus
And I'm back staring into the mirror
But this time?
This time my spirit shines in the mirror

I thought you should know
That I’m going into surgery
They’re not going to put me under
I’m just going to listen to music
Let my mind wander
I'm not looking forward to this
At all
That's the truth
Pure amd simple

Before you can get good at solving puzzles, you must first master the riddle of yourself.
Otherwise, what's the point of solving mysteries if you yourself are one?

I just feel so sick and tired
Lazy to the bones
Achy in my heart

And if I try hard
I can almost imagine myself
Falling asleep
But instead I stay half awake
With my hands on my head
My eyes half closed
Daydreaming instead

And if I try hard
I can see myself walking
On some imagined land
Feel the soft sand
On my fingers and hands
Talking to strangers
Who laugh at the thoughts
Going on in my head
Who offer me somewhere
To lay down and rest

And if I try hard
I become the characters in my head
Having adventures
Playing hard
Meet that special someone
Slowly fall in love

And if I try hard
I can allow myself
To close my eyes
Wait for the adventures
To come in my dreams
But first
I must rest and heal
Close my eyes
And lay still

I’m getting bored
Of all this yawning
I can’t fall asleep
So I’m hoping that if I write my thoughts down in ink
I’ll simply stop thinking
And
Fa
   aa
       ll
Fast asleep

I'm tired
I'm tired of the hate
That seems to burn through the veins
Of the villains who hide in the dark

I'm tired
I'm tired of the infinite cycle
Of avoiding the newspapers
But peeking at the news
With a terrible sense of dread

I'm tired
I'm tired of watching humanity
Wade through the lava
Coming straight from hell

I'm tired
I'm tired but I do believe in good
I do believe in hope
Hope really is the things with feathers

I may not be able to solve all the problems around me
But I can solve the ones in my head
I can speak my mind
Make sure my voice is heard
Show my support
For the things I love

Demand justice
Live life to the fullest
Make a difference in this world

After all
Like one of my heroes
I believe that the best things,
The richest things,
Aren't supposed to come easy

I'm a writer
I'm a reader
And above all I'm a dreamer

I realize that usually what I'm reading is purely fiction
That doesn't mean I can't install hope into the characters
That bounce off the pages and flash into my eager eyes

It matters not what I'm writing
As long as hope is contained within the ink

I look into this world
And not enough people have their noses burried into books
I strive to immerse myself into the world
It doesn't matter if it's in a notebook or book
I'm just going to keep on dreaming

One of my favorite writers once said
How can anybody have you
How can anybody have you and lose you
How can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their mind too
I'm still trying to answer these questions
They may not make sense, at least not right now
Though I suspect that eventually
My mind will come to its senses and
Formulate some sort of answer

The tide is high
My emotions raw
My tears are full of salt
Yet I’m hopeful because
I know this river
Is all just
nature’s fault

Of course, no lyrics are ever unintentional
Though I think bands have a tendency to touch on big themes without really following through on them or linking them to particular logic
As one of my favorite bands once noted
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
And your ghost

I overthink
I think
And even as I write this
I'm worried I'm spilling too much ink

I just lost all self control

I blame the rock and roll
Oh well

At least my feet and heart
Are happily tapping and beating
To the sound of my soul screaming

I blame the rock and roll
Oh well

And as I listen to the lyrics wailing
The melodies swaying
I'm slowly becoming addicted
To the music that's playing

I blame the rock and roll
Oh well

The songs seem to be playing
On a loop that my mind seems to fear

I blame the rock and roll
Oh well

Music offers the power of distraction
As the lyrics are so full of emotion
That no one but myself seems to feel

Oh well
At least I have Rock and Roll

Waiting impaitently for my thoughts to slow down
My hands and feet are shaking uncontrollably
Sweat is dripping from my face
As I lay down in an awkward position
With no energy to save my dignity
I fall asleep
Into more thoughtless spirals
Into a world filled with the blissfully naive
Unconsciously I'm humming
In my sleep
My world has shut down
And the world on the other side of the veil
The one we call our eyes
Is coming down upon me
There's no stopping it
I can't fight
I wish I could just
Stay asleep

I love to read
I love to write
So I stay up all night
Til' I get the words just right

Kick Drum Beat
Kick Drum Heart
My favorite musician once told me with all his heart
To let music take over art

Turn the dial and I promise you I'll try hard and smile
Everyone needs an oil change once in a while
My thoughts have become greasy
Almost uncontrollably twisty
Until at last it becomes one big tunnel
And suddenly they go turtles all the way down...
Still, if you do end up turning the dial
I promise you I'll try hard and smile

It’s hard to fall asleep
With wet tears running down your cheeks.

God doesn't have the best ******* plans anyways
So why does everyone try and hide
What's really on their mind?
When I get back
I'll unwind

It's okay
It's alright
We all fall asleep
Eventually
At some point
Either day or
Night

Yeah sure
I may look like
Heaven
But you?
You put me through
Hell

Listen!
I want to listen to more
Music
Friends
Family
Mentors
Perhaps most importantly
I want to listen to myself more
I guess I'm worth something too?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Who came up with this ****?
It’s not all about you

Walking the ocean
Only soft sand on my feet
The waves crashing into my thoughts
Such a sweet and salty release
At last
Peace

I could have died
A couple of times
I took my eyes off the prize
But instead I stood up
And took my future in my hands
Now everything remains steadfast
In my eyes

Nights are the worst
I think it's because the dark nature of things makes it harder to see whats only a couple of feet in front of us
So we're forced to look at what's right in our faces
And most often it's not a courageous knight in shinning armor
And instead it's the dark and furious twisted enemy
So in fact, the real question is not
Where is my knight in shining armor?
But instead
Where is my armor?

I suggest you look at the news once in a while
Or save your soul
Find only gold

Blisters on my feet
Tongue sticking to my teeth
This is how I feel
After a day
Competing in Speech

I cannot articulate
What it means
For me
To feel
Things?
No words
Do justice
To what’s going
On in my head
No one else
Can read my thoughts
My pages are sealed
My stomach in knots
So the only thing
That’s left for me to do
Is listen to music
For me, at least
It’s the only thing
That rings true

It's so hard
To stop pulling out my own hair
Ughhhhhhhh
Why can't I just let it grow?
Why can't I let people comb it
Let friends braid it?
Why not?
Because I have
Because I have no
Because I have no stupid hair
And god it's just so hard
To stop pulling
And screaming
And crying
And becoming fustrated
Promising to stop
To stop pulling
And then
Just wait
Despite my
Best Wishes
It all starts again