Nights are the worst
I think it's because the dark nature of things makes it harder to see whats only a couple of feet in front of us
So we're forced to look at what's right in our faces
And most often it's not a courageous knight in shinning armor
And instead it's the dark and furious twisted enemy
So in fact, the real question is not
Where is my knight in shining armor?
But instead
Where is my armor?

I feel good
Healthy?
I mean I know it won't last forever
So I'm just going to hold onto it
Before it crumbles and falls apart again
My mind melting into a puddle
Okay okay
I'll stop now
I'll just enjoy it
Right?

Walking the ocean
Only soft sand on my feet
The waves crashing into my thoughts
Such a sweet and salty release
At last
Peace

Twenty more
Until I hit a number
That's important for me
As a writer
As a dreamer
As a poet?

Sometimes
It's really hard to let scabs heal
It's hard to break the habit
Of peeling back the past
I keep revisiting old nightmares
Which only does more harm than good
But curiosity gets the better of me
And pretty soon old wounds are opened again
And I get mad at myself
Because why I can't I just leave things alone?
Just go with the flow
My skin may get tougher
But old habits die hard
Pretty soon
I'm back again
And this infinite cycle
Repeats
Repeats
Repeats
Repeats

Sometimes
All it takes
Is good music
To make my day
That's it
That's all I have to say

You may read me like a book
But the letters on the page
Are embedded with code
So no one really knows
How to read
Except myself
Of course
I know how to decipher
My own code


But if you take the time
If you want to
If you really care
Enough about me
You can learn
I can open up
It's really easy
To learn how to read a new book

I went on a run
This afternoon
To escape the past
Let the exercise wash over the rest

Yet no matter how far
My legs stretched
I couldn't stop placing bets
Against the future ahead

I only ran around the lake
So not that far
Still I was running
As if I was being chased
A life or death matter
Not just a game
Or a race

And you know perhaps I was?
Being chased
Not by my past
But by my shadow instead?

Running distracts me
And is great for my head
Gives me something to reach for
Someway to release the extra energy
The equivalence of taking the longest route
Through the school
Just to get to my next class

Listening to the music
Inside my head
I soon reach my goal
Slow down and walk
Until my breathing evens out

Take a stroll to the barn
Think things over in my head
Relax and breath
Knowing that I had just achieved
A four mile run

The shadow is now gone
By the way
I'm alone again
With just the thoughts in my head

I forgot
I think I wrote
Something of importance?
A letter or a note?
Whatever
Something needed to be shared
Something was at the front of my mind
The words must have had meaning
They weren't just scribbled
As the ink is smeared all over my hands
Indicating that I was writing
Vigorously
Like something
or someone
Was chasing my mind
Oh well

Even though the words
Seem to have been erased
They'll come back to me
I think?
Eventually

I spent the afternoon
Daydreaming about Spoon
Wondering what it would be like
To play Indie with the stars
The moon shinning bright
Down on the guitars
The drums beating to the rythm
Of some unknown fault
Would I have the courage?
To play with my heart?
Let my raw emotions
Glow in the dark
I don't know
I hope so

Staring into the eyes of my destroyer
Even the mirror seems to cringe
So I shift my gaze to a happier scene
And my eyes open wide at what I see

The sun is shinning
The wind is binding
I'm feeling divine
The whole earth seems to shine

Stress is absent
Freedom is present
I'm laughing
I'm falling
All of a sudden I'm crying

Suddenly my eyes shut out the fantasy
Much to my dismay
Reality zooms into focus
And I'm back staring into the mirror
But this time?
This time my spirit shines in the mirror

I just feel so sick and tired
Lazy to the bones
Achy in my heart

And if I try hard
I can almost imagine myself
Falling asleep
But instead I stay half awake
With my hands on my head
My eyes half closed
Daydreaming instead

And if I try hard
I can see myself walking
On some imagined land
Feel the soft sand
On my fingers and hands
Talking to strangers
Who laugh at the thoughts
Going on in my head
Who offer me somewhere
To lay down and rest

And if I try hard
I become the characters in my head
Having adventures
Playing hard
Meet that special someone
Slowly fall in love

And if I try hard
I can allow myself
To close my eyes
Wait for the adventures
To come in my dreams
But first
I must rest and heal
Close my eyes
And lay still

My feet hurt
My back screams
My heart aches
But today?
Today was a good day

How can I sit here?
Tearing myself apart
Both mentally and physically
Knowing and forgetting
At the same time
The consequences of its worth being

All I can do
Is sit still and breath
Forget about the world
And get lost in my dreams
Put a smile on my face
Wipe away the tears
Get up from my chair
And get on with my years

Go to sleep
And think of me
As you close your eyes
And fall asleep

Go to sleep
And rest in peace
Lay still in your thoughts
Till your mind falls asleep

Go to sleep
And dream of peace
As the world around you threatens to cease

I love to read
I love to write
So I stay up all night
Til' I get the words just right

I just lost all self control

I blame the rock and roll
Oh well

At least my feet and heart
Are happily tapping and beating
To the sound of my soul screaming

I blame the rock and roll
Oh well

And as I listen to the lyrics wailing
The melodies swaying
I'm slowly becoming addicted
To the music that's playing

I blame the rock and roll
Oh well

The songs seem to be playing
On a loop that my mind seems to fear

I blame the rock and roll
Oh well

Music offers the power of distraction
As the lyrics are so full of emotion
That no one but myself seems to feel

Oh well
At least I have Rock and Roll