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Marina Apr 2018
I cannot articulate
What it means
For me
To feel
Things?
No words
Do justice
To what’s going
On in my head
No one else
Can read my thoughts
My pages are sealed
My stomach in knots
So the only thing
That’s left for me to do
Is listen to music
For me, at least
It’s the only thing
That rings true
I wish I could write for a living.
Marina Apr 2018
I’m getting bored
Of all this yawning
I can’t fall asleep
So I’m hoping that if I write my thoughts down in ink
I’ll simply stop thinking
And
Fa
   aa
       ll
Fast asleep
Marina Mar 2018
I suggest you look at the news once in a while
Or save your soul
Find only gold
Marina Mar 2018
I thought you should know
That I’m going into surgery
They’re not going to put me under
I’m just going to listen to music
Let my mind wander
I'm not looking forward to this
At all
That's the truth
Pure amd simple
Marina Mar 2018
God doesn't have the best ******* plans anyways
So why does everyone try and hide
What's really on their mind?
When I get back
I'll unwind
Marina Mar 2018
Run
It’s hard to fall asleep
With wet tears running down your cheeks.
Marina Mar 2018
When you have low serotonin levels.
When you have low serotonin levels, exercise has never been more important. Unfortunately, all the shaking from said unknown anxieties doesn’t count.  So instead I usually find myself on a bike pedalling furiously away from all my problems.  Or I slip on a pair of sneakers and sprint away towards the greener side.
When you have low serotonin levels, sleep has never been more needed. Sadly, this doesn’t seem to come easy for someone like myself. For some unknown reasons, I can’t get my eyes to shut.  I can’t turn my brain off and my thoughts run wild.
When you have low serotonin levels, coffee has never sounded any better. Coffee seems to cause my shaking to simmer when for most others it would go out of control.  Nothing too sweet, just enough to trickle down my throat. Afterwards, it’s like the fog has been cleared.  The best of course is shared with friends on a cobblestoned street in Europe.  Watching people pass by with smiles on their faces.
When you have low serotonin levels, music has never been more relaxing. Suddenly, all the thoughts are drowned out by someone else’s worries. Instead of my foot bouncing anxiously up and down from nerves, there’s a beat.  If you can give me music to listen to, then you can hear the beat of that rather than the non-rhythmic beat of my anxious feet.
When you have low serotonin levels, friends are the light in a world full of shadows.  They allow me to laugh and smile.  They are what push me to not be afraid.  I talk to them, and suddenly I’m more myself than I have been in months.  I’m laughing, I’m smiling. I’m making jokes.  When I do cry, I have them to lean on.  And I’m forever in their debt.
When you have low serotonin levels, optimism is key. You have to believe you see.  Try and wake up and smile.  Love yourself and those around you. Laugh until your stomach aches.  Cry until a small river has been made.
These are the thoughts from an anxious worrier.
And I don't want to tell you. I don’t have to tell you. Things could be different and I could be somewhere else. But no. Instead I am here.
I don’t want to have to tell you. But maybe you should know.
Thoughts from an anxious worrier.
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