He's so peaceful
While I'm so full of rage
I'm trying to fight a war
That I've never won

A war before his time
Started nine years ago to be exact

I lost a huge part in the fight back then,
Something I didn't realize
Would affect my world today

It wasn't a fair fight
I was so young, so naive
Even though I believed I was grown,
That I was strong

I realize now, I was weak
I let myself get trampled
I let myself lose

The loss is still going strong
I fake strength
But I'm as weak, if not more than before

I need peace
I need to accept the loss
I need to move on

I need to let myself break down the wreckage
That has slowly destroyed me

You are real..
You aren't imaginary
Even though I know that

I can't help, but feel
That one day
I'll wake up
Open my eyes
And see that you were all in my head

A dreamt up
Imaginary waste of time

When you are near
I feel as if I am alone
So why should I believe you are real

Your presence is less than lively
Your words ever dull
I feel no comfort from what you say
Or how you look my way

Your words are like the cafeteria lunch menu
Back in school
Very bland with nothing new to show

Your words are like a record stuck on repeat
The same old lack of enthusiasm
The same lame response
Time after time

Your words drain me
They **** my creative heart
It's as if they set fire to all the things I had hoped you'd say

Your words,
What little you say
Drive me to madness
To tears
To hopelessness

Whenever will you learn?
Expression is what I yearn for,
Passion filled words are my desire
A man unafraid to show his own heart

Perhaps one day
We can start anew
Because boy,
I never imagined my life without you
Back when we were fifteen,
You were all that I dreamed
Could ever be

Over the years,
We've become separate,
But never have we forgotten
The love that we shared

-08.20.13

I had an inappropriate dream of you last night
You with your tattoos
The fiery passion
That you exude
The desire that you had for me
It's as though I never stopped lusting for it
St. Patrick's day will never be the same
The way you ****** me up against that wall
No one knew
It was our little secret
I loved it

This corpse lays before me, rotting
I can feel the decay
I can smell the death
I can see old blood stains
But I still hang onto something

Some sliver of hope
That this corpse is still salvageable
That there is still a heart beating
That blood still pumps in this body
That something is still alive in there
There is nothing left

And yet, I can't fathom
That this is really it
That there is nothing left
It's all been bled
And it's all dead